Many times in my life, I'd look back after 10 years of marriage, or on my 40th birthday, or after Adam graduated, or some other milestone. When I looked back, I would sort of mentally assess the past compared to the future and I thought, "What do I have to show for it?" I suppose in a material and worldly perspective, many people, including me, would have to admit we don't have much compared to a typical American family at this stage of the game. We don't have the big house we always wanted - we rent a small place that's within our price budget because we lost our home a few years ago when the job market changed. We also were victims of the Bank of America schemes and illegal practices which caused the entire problem.
Side note: We had never been late on our payments, but they told us our credit was too good, so we had to skip paying for 3 months to qualify because then we'd be in a category of need they could work with to refinance. In about 60 days during this process we received a letter from B of A saying our mortgage and home were sold to some trust company, who then told us to get out almost immediately because it was going to auction. That led to a class action lawsuit nationwide of homes they illegally took from families and resold like this to make quick profits. We got back less than $2000 in compensation for the hell that followed, including needing to give up our jobs because of moving, and having to declare bankruptcy.
Anyway, now I ask myself - okay, what do we REALLY have to show for the past 20+ years of struggles? Here's a few of the answers:
1. Because we sacrificed two paychecks so I could stay home and raise/educate our kids, we have responsible, mature, articulate children that know right from wrong and can teach themselves how to learn what they're interested in learning.
2. We have learned to appreciate what we have. Our kids understand the work that's required to earn things, so instead of the entitlement or "give me it now" attitude I see in so many young people today, they weigh out what they want and what they really NEED, then they figure out a way to work and save for those things that are important.
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3. I have a 20 year story about the growth of my faith. Having been through all kinds of trials involving finances, neighbors kids who bullied mine, marriage ups and downs, health miracles, and incredible experiences that go far beyond the odds of "coincidence", I've now got experience. I have seen God step into situations and fix them in ways I couldn't possibly have hoped to turn out so well. I've received unexpected amounts from unbelievable sources that match the exact amount of money needed at the time. Our family has been blessed with so much!
4. I have a strong marriage to show for the years. We've been through so much. There's been two times in particular that I was done and wanted to walk out, but God literally stepped in and changed EVERYTHING in a heartbeat to bring us where we are today. We now have the most secure, close, honest, open, fun, respectful, and loving marriage than ever before. We've both grown, been changed, and had experiences that although many were horrific at the time, changing any of it would have led to a different place - so I respect the journey we've had to take to get here.
5. We are debt-free because of our life's journey. We don't have a mortgage (although we'd like one a year from now), we haven't had a car payment in many years since we paid off everything a long time ago. We have only one credit card that we use for medical, dental, and car emergencies, and we pay it off before the bill even becomes due. That takes so much pressure off our shoulders. There's no heavy weight hanging over us making us feel guilty for anything we do together as a family. We don't live under the "we can't afford it" mentality on an hourly basis. We're free to plan and save for things we decide are important.
6. We have a great relationship with all of our teens, which I know is pretty rare these days. Our kids talk to us about their problems, ask for solutions but never handouts, we discuss today's issues and topics with honesty, we share our good and bad times, and because we had to go through struggles to get to this point, we appreciate the relationships even more.
So maybe in the eyes of our American "never have enough" attitudes, we don't appear to have much to show for the past 21 years together, but the way I see it, we have more to show for it than most people's superficial scorecard. I'm living under many blessings. I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I'm content with where we're at, but I've built up enough faith and belief that yes, we will have a home of our own again, update our vehicles, and get to travel. We just have to get out there and earn it first, but they're not the most important things. We've already been given everything we really "NEED".
