Added Value: Traveling

   

     The trip was planned a year ago. The airfare was paid six months ago. The vacation was finalized three months ago. The scheduling & school adjustments were made 2 months ago. The Hurricane hit a week ago. Family moved in with us one day ago. And tomorrow we fly out for our long-awaited, very delayed 25th Anniversary trip to the Southern Caribbean. I will have my laptop and some kind of internet connection, but I just may miss a few days of blogging. Don't worry though, I will post travel photos, thoughts from people watching, cultural differences, and other important things while I'm gone. (And in October, I may have another 30 day challenge.)

     One of the unknowns about our trip is our first destination. We were supposed to stop at Grand Turk, and the itinerary says that hasn't changed. I know from what I saw on television that the island was hit very hard by a Category 5 about 8 or 9 days ago, so I don't know what to expect. Maybe they'll change our trip by the time we depart, or maybe they'll still go hoping to bring some aid and resources to the devastated island. That will definitely make for an interesting post once we've been there and left, with time to reflect, either way.

     When was the last time you traveled (even just regionally?) What did you notice that was different about the people where you went? What was the same? How would you have to adjust your life to live there? How would someone there have to adjust to live where you live?  It's questions like these that make us stop and think about others instead of just focusing on ourselves. Imagine if everyone began to really understand and get to know people that were different from themselves. That would change so much in the world. There would be understanding, grace, mercy, and even in bad scenarios, it would make people appreciate what they DO have. And that could make the world a better place.

     I believe traveling is such a great way to learn about people. We're all made up of different customs, values, beliefs, attitudes, and perspectives. Being able to see those differences first hand help shape us, make us more understanding that even when the differences are huge, in the end we're all still "people".

     I'd love to hear from you. If you could travel 1) Regionally where you live, 2) somewhere else in your country, and 3) globally - where would YOU want to go? What would you want to see? Let us know on here. Maybe together we can set new directions for our lives that includes traveling.

Added Value: You're Not Perfect

   

     This post may apply more to the overachievers out there, but here goes...you aren't perfect, so stop stressing over when you can't be. This is a message I had to constantly remind myself over the last 2 weeks. I've had more than my share of stressful things pop up unexpectedly that needed immediate attention. To keep it in perspective though, my state is not on fire, we're not dying from smoky polluted air, we didn't just go through a hurricane, and we're not being bombarded with earthquakes. That limits my whereabouts to only about 5 states, it seems. In the midst of my own "storms" I have much to appreciate and be thankful for every day. And so do you.

     Where did we get this belief that we're supposed to be perfect? invincible? able to put up with everything all at once? and do it all without letting others see the real pressure we're under? Maybe it comes from childhood. I know in my case, I never felt like I could do anything right. I was kind, creative, smart, never got in trouble in school, didn't stay out late, didn't do "bad things" or hang out with the wrong crowd. Yet somehow, it never seemed good enough to please those around me. Maybe that's where the perfectionism and OCD tendencies come from.

     For many, this attitude started in the workplace. If you made a mistake, maybe you had a boss, or worse, a coworker, who publicly ridiculed or remanded you for your mistake. Fear is a huge motivator. Perhaps it's a super highly competitive job. Maybe you're worried about downsizing and you don't want to be the person they cut. Or maybe you're in sales where even if you out-do everyone else, at the first of the new month, it's quickly forgotten and you have to do it all over again just to feel like you earned your reward of being salesman of the month. Such pressure for something so intangible. And often you're made to feel like if you went to another sales company, they'd treat you worse, the work would be harder, and you'd make less money. Got to love those manipulation tactics.

     Could it be that you never felt you measured up to the success of a parent or sibling? It's hard living in someone else's shadow. I know, I've watched a few loved ones deal with that their whole lives. No matter what they do, it just doesn't seem to come together for them and the other person in the family seems to have everything fall into place so easily - with so little effort. It's not fair. But that's just how it is. Eventually they get so demotivated they quit trying. They miss out on the joy they could have in their own life by chasing after a moment in the spotlight in someone else's life.

     Let me be the first to tell you (and remind myself) that it's okay to get stressed out temporarily. Life can be overwhelming. Don't expect things to always go easy just because you decided to live simply. There's still hurricanes threatening loved ones with deadly force, fires that destroy homes and a lifetime of memories, diseases that ravage bodies and end lives prematurely for those we care most about, and sometimes, there's just too many demands made that can physically be handled at one time. It's okay. You are only one person, human, filled with emotions, don't feel guilty for expressing it once in a while. It can actually help to have a momentary release of the pressure so you can take a deep breath and start again. What if right now you feel so overwhelmed you don't know what to do? Here's a few quick things to try:

1.   Take a deep breath.
2.   Walk away from the problem, the person, the phone, the phone, the social media platform,      your desk, whatever it is.
3.  Put on either some relaxing music, or some white noise, or relaxing noise like ocean waves or rain falling - whatever makes you feel more at peace.
4.  Sit down, close your eyes, and either pray - or meditate - or sit in silence so you can rebalance yourself, get centered. 
5.  Logically think through what needs to happen today, then prioritize the list. If it can wait until a later time and today is already too busy, move that off the list. 
6.   Handle the tasks that are the quickest to get them off your list so you'll see you have less to do.
7. Stay focused on one task at a time as much as possible. Too much multitasking often ends up with doing a bad job on everything. Instead, do your best on a few. 

     Most importantly - give yourself permission to be human, to make a few mistakes, to say no to what you truly can't handle. Just do your best. It's all anyone has permission to ask - anything beyond that is on them. You are enough. 

Added Value: Sit Down Dinner

   

     If you took time to sit down and have a quiet dinner without distractions with those you care about most, do you think that would change anything? Most people say, "Not really," but that's not entirely true. Granted, if you sit with someone you're fighting with then yes, dinner won't make things better. But what if you stopped chasing "stuff" and status and agreed to a quiet family dinner, maybe for the first time in weeks, or months? No cell phones, no television, no music (unless it's background relaxing instrumental music), so that everyone can just be calm for a half hour? Imagine taking the time to look across the table, smile, share your day, what's going on in your life, what you've got planned in the near future...Now, imagine LISTENING as the others share about THEIR day, what's going on in their world, what they have coming up. I believe that would be a very different experience from the family that grabs a plate, 2 pieces of pizza, and runs off to different rooms. It's different from going to a fast food place and everyone mindlessly eats as they stare at their cell phones, ignoring each other.

     One of the saddest things I see far too often is a wife all dressed up, her husband has taken her to dinner, but she feels so alone in the crowd because he's ignoring her and keeps scrolling on his phone. In that moment, what is he saying to her? I'll tell you what she's hearing, based on the myriads of conversations I've had with women just like that. He's saying, "I took you out so I'm off the hook, but whatever these mere acquaintances are doing is far more interesting to me than anything I think you'll say tonight. I'd rather see strangers arguing about politics than talk to my wife about things that really matter - like our marriage." I know guys aren't wired to be great conversationalists, but you know what? They know how to do it when they go on that first date. They know how to treat a lady when they're interested in her. Your relationship with your spouse/partner is more important than whatever is posted on Facebook or any other social media - in that moment. And ladies, if you're the one giving the cold shoulder, stop it. Be interested in him. Let him know he's more important to you than anything else in that moment.

     Parents - take back control of your home. I know people are busy, but even teenagers make scheduled plans to go out with friends, see particular movies, and meet up places. They can make a plan once a week or once a month to sit down to a family dinner. You're not "ruining their lives". Teach them that family is important. It's not a time to talk about their messy room, or their grades (unless they're good or the students wants to bring it up). It's time to ask about their life, interests, and situations where making good life choices will come in handy. It's not lecture time, but casual advice goes a long way if it's delivered in a meaningful, loving way. If you're fortunate enough to be a two-parent household, this is when you teach them to respect you both by respecting each other at the table. Be complimentary (not phony) during the meal. Set the example before someone else does.

     All it takes is the effort of a quiet meal where relationships are nurtured and grown. One half-hour is all you need, freed from cell phones and television, to impart what every human craves...significance. Let those you say you love the most know that you really do love them. Make time for them. Let them know they're more important than whatever else strangers in the world are doing. Plan one today for the next time it's convenient.

Added Value: Your Epitaph

     Epitaph: a short piece of text honoring a deceased person, generally written on a tombstone or plaque. What would you want written about your life? How would you sum it up in just a few words? What would you want your obituary to say after you're gone? How do you want to be remembered?
Here's a few quotes to think about...

      SO HOW DO YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED?