Photo Challenge: Day 16

Raising the First-Born...They say the oldest of the siblings grows up to be more driven, more responsible, and more independent. In my experience, I find that to be true. I'm the oldest, so is Tim, so you'd expect that we'd understand Adam, our own first-born better, right? Also, my personality is a Melancholy (the thinker, planner, list-maker & organizer). That's the same as Adam's main personality too, except that his can often border on OCD, but he's doing much better these days.

So why so many struggles as we were raising Adam? I think it's the being independent that really makes the difference. He's always been a hard worker and more responsible than anyone else his age (more than most adults, to be honest), but that independent streak is so strong in him! We have a great relationship because I've homeschooled him. I've been there for everything in his life. I've never missed a sporting practice, game, tournament, play, or anything else important to him. We've had thousands of hours to discuss life, politics, faith, dating, life skills, careers, personalities, academics, music, friends, plans for the future and disappointments. Tim, unfortunately, had to be gone for most of his childhood to provide a living so I was ABLE to do those things for our kids. That put them on very different sides of almost every issue for about 5 years.

Adam begged to work at an early age so he could be responsible and buy himself those things he wanted just weren't in our budget - brand name shoes, skinny jeans, video games, movies with friends - to his credit, he's never asked us for a penny for anything - not even once that I remember. If he wanted or needed it, he found a way to earn it. Anyway, being in a new environment where people were lazy, selfish, and had little if any character traits worth copying, changed Adam. He stopped appreciating what he had and instead, complained because his life wasn't as "easy" as he thought his friends had it. Granted they may have had parents buy them more stuff, or they took vacations to exotic places, but Adam failed to see that they lived in a home with an alcoholic, or drugs, or had been through rough divorces in their home, or never had either parent around - which led to life-altering poor choices in these kids' lives.

Then we had to move to the mountains. Although it was pretty traumatic for him to leave his friends, have to quit his job and be broke, live in a very isolated, rural area with nothing much for teenagers to do...it did do a lot of good as well. He learned to appreciate what he had. He began to see the poor choices of others for what they were, and how they led to bigger issues down the road. He learned to work hard again after thinking he could be lazy and "deserved" to make the salary of an experienced professional at the inexperienced age of 16 (I believe his words were, "I'm all done with physical labor and minimum wage jobs." - at 16!!!). Over those 2 years, he grew, matured, learned, and worked. When we returned to the Valley, he came back happy, out-going, willing to do physical work at odd hours for things he needed.

Over the last few years, Tim too has undergone changes. He's had time to rest from almost 15 years in high-stress sales jobs and working 60 - 70 hour work weeks. He had time to live where there's space, open sky, clean air and water, and to sleep in - a lot! He's also grown and matured. He let go of selfishness and trying to have so much control over others that he was micromanaging everyone and everything. Now he's in a job where he's gone a lot, and it gets lonely, but when he's home, he's really home and with us. He's not overly stressed, doesn't do a lot of physical (although he works hard in spurts, it's not a taxing job all the time). He gets plenty of sleep and rest. And when he's home, he wants to be with us, doing family things together, and he's learned to appreciate his children, and their individual personalities and strengths. He's more accepting of their weaknesses as he's learned to understand his own. He's become the husband and father I've always known he could be.

So here we are about 4 years later. Tim and Adam, his first-born, now on a new journey to discover each other all over again, through new perspectives. Each learning how valuable the other is, and both appreciating their time together.

I love this picture of them sharing a moment together and smiling. Although Logan looks more like Tim on the outside, I see lots of Tim in Adam, on the inside. And I love them both.