Living Simply challenge Day 29: Busyness

      Where did we get the idea that multitasking was the only way to go? Why do we value busyness? How well do we think we're doing anything when we're all over the place? Would others think we're doing as good a job as we think we're doing? Would those who are closest to us say they love being around us as we multitask? Is it really getting you closer to the things you say are your core values? your passions? Or is it all an illusion created by industry to get the most out of us so they can grab the most for themselves?

     You've worked all day, multitasking to please your boss, or to "get ahead" - ahead of whom? Who is really your competition? Anyway, you get home, walk into the house, and waiting for you is your beloved family who's missed you all day. They haven't seen nor spoken to you, and the children are so happy to finally get to talk to and play with you that they can't contain it as they hop up and down in excited anticipation. Your spouse comes to also greet you as you walk in the door because you've been missed all day long. What a wonderful feeling to come home to, right? Being missed, loved, appreciated, and wanted? Except that it doesn't play out this way for most families, unfortunately. Instead it's something like this:

     Mom has also been working all day, plus she had to stop at the market on the way home, has been on the phone to the utility, phone, or insurance company while she had to drop off, watch, and pick the kids up from soccer practice. No time to make dinner, plus she's exhausted - someone called in sick today so she had to do her own job plus cover their's. Just a drive thru meal tonight for everyone...again. If she's lucky she'll make it home in time for the kids to take their finger foods to their room and get homework done before bed.

     The kids are doing just as bad. They have to get up so early to catch the bus, then a full 7 hour day at school, after school clubs and practices, then sports around 4:00. After running around doing sports drills for an hour, they're ready to fall asleep in the car, but bedtime isn't for another 3 or 4 hours. They're so tired of fast food. It all looks and tastes the same and leaves them feeling so unsatisfied, but they understand where Mom's coming from today (and every afternoon). They still have homework to do when they get home:  studying, answering questions, a take home quiz, spelling words to write multiple times for the test tomorrow, and then there's that science project that's due soon, if only they had time to start it!

     Dad walks in but he's distracted because he's on the phone. He's getting chewed out by his boss because, though no fault of his, the big client is about to switch to another competitor's company and losing that account will mean no bonuses, so he "better do something about it quick".  The car's making that weird noise again, so while he's on the phone, his mind is somewhere else tracing the car's systems to figure out an educated guess what the problem is. When will he have time to leave the car at the garage for a day or two? So much to do! By the way, he noticed on the way in that the grass and yard are looking messy again. There's always leaves to rake, kids' toys that weren't picked up, trash blown into the yard from the neighbor's house. And he thinks, "As soon as I'm done, I'm going to sit in front of the TV with a cold beer, eating whatever food the wife picked up on her way home, and just "veg out" for the next 4 hours trying to forget about my day. I don't want to talk to anyone or hear about anyone else's day.

     Isn't this the American dream? To have the spouse, nice house, new car, 2 kids, etc? If you asked the members of this family what's important to them, what would they say? I bet many, if not most, would say "family", but is it? Where's the evidence of it? No one is talking to each other. No one is making time to foster a better relationship with one another. Their time is spent everywhere but together."But families do need at least one good-paying if not two jobs to survive, so what can be done differently!?"  Here's another scenario:

     The final bell rings and the kids are excited to go to their one after-school activity. More than that would take too much time away from homework, family, rest, friends, and the more important things in life. Because they only get one activity after school, they really had to think hard about which to choose, weighing their options until they knew where to focus their time and energy. It's so convenient because they don't need a ride to get there, and they can leave all their stuff in a locker until it's time to go home instead of all over the car, the dance studio, the soccer field, etc.

     Mom leaves work to pick up the kids around 4:00. She's so glad they decided to cut back on excessive, impulse shopping so that they could live and thrive well on a 30 hour job for her instead of the 40 hours she used to work. Now she has time to talk with the kids about their day, cook a healthy meal for her family, she loves cooking. They can plan an after dinner family activity together with the input of the kids' ideas. Mom's not over-stressed or exhausted. She's happier and more relaxed these days.

     Dad gets home shortly after Mom and the kids. He's so much more fun to be around since he quit the high stress job for one that pays enough for a comfortable lifestyle. Downsizing from a 3000 square foot home to a 1600 square foot one meant plenty of leftover money each month for doing things together, even a vacation that they never had before, even though Dad made more money than now. No stress over the car anymore. They sold the expensive one and bought a more mid-size sedan that has no car payments. There's time to relax because with a smaller home and less hours spent in busyness, everyone pitched in Saturday and got all the yard work knocked out in just a couple of hours. The phone never rings at home like it used to, no more late calls from the boss about some problem. Work gets left at the office and home time truly is time to gather together as a family.

     After a healthy dinner, there's time for Mom and Dad to spend time with the kids. They play a friendly game of volleyball in the back yard, then go for a walk as dusk settles in. The kids, now in a more peaceful state after the relaxing family walk, talking over everyone's day, making plans for the future together, can go upstairs and work on homework. Fortunately, since they didn't have to rush off to a second or third activity, they were able to stay at school and work on part of their homework before their activity started, so there's not much left to do. Mom and Dad are on hand to help out so the kids can get to bed earlier and be fully rested for tomorrow.

     Once the kids are in bed, Mom and Dad have a chance to sit together on the sofa and watch one little show they recorded to watch on their time. It's a good show with lots of great lessons - nothing upsetting or stressful before bedtime. Afterwards, they head off to bed together, holding hands, thankful for the more simple life they lead, and they think, "We made just a few changes, but they were enough to totally change our life from one we hated to one we love." They built the life they always wanted - and I think THAT is the American dream. Which will YOU choose?