Be Who You Needed at that Age

     One of the things I'm known on campus for is being a Mom to a lot of my friends and classmates (because most are between 18 and 30). I love that title. I love being there to provide help, support, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, or the "answer lady" who knows how to answer their questions, or at least how to find them. This definitely has nothing to do with me being some great, wise person or anything. It's about taking the time to notice when someone is struggling. It's about using my decades of life experiences and failures to help steer others in the right direction, avoiding traps whenever possible. And I bet most of you reading this have a lot to offer others around you too.

     Think back to when you were a young adult, newly out on your own...no, seriously, I want you to stop and think about what it was like when the adult world was new to you:  paying rent, paying your own bills (especially utilities, phones, etc.) You may have struggled with how to pick a roommate that didn't steal your stuff, bring losers back to your "home", or didn't leave everything a total mess for you to pick up after them. Maybe your struggles were trying to figure out how to shop, cook, and feed yourself 24/7 for the first time. Maybe you had to learn to do your own laundry for the first time. Did you struggle in college? What about needing relationship advice? Did you wonder if you should stay in a relationship or "end it now" at some point?

     For some, it was much more harsh. Some came from a background so bad they were thrown into the adult world without a safety net. No money saved up. No help from family. A job that barely paid the bills IF nothing unusual happened, like getting a flat tire.

     I have been there with these young adults through family and friends that were suicidal, unexpected death of loved ones, losing a pet they've had since they were little, parents' divorces, their own divorce, health issues, getting thrown out of their home (NOT their fault), trapped living with abusive partners, depression and suicidal thoughts, strapped financially so badly that they can't feed themselves or may be getting thrown out of their apartment in a matter of days. The list goes on and on. People around you are hurting too if you just take a moment to look around and notice people. What can YOU do?

     When you were that age, and you were going through struggles, what did YOU need most? I don't mean winning the lottery, or a fairy with 3 wishes...seriously...what did you need? Was it someone who's been there and could help you reason out a logical conclusion and action step? Was it someone to let you sleep on their sofa for a few nights while they figure out where to go to escape a dangerous relationship? Was it a ride and a friend to stay with them while they sign up for the needed assistance they qualify for? (This may seem controversial to some, but if you're working and you still can't make ends meet, temporary assistance exists for those situations. Sometimes the working partner walks out leaving the full time college student, and possibly children, unexpectedly with zero income. Please don't promote stigmatization of programs designed to help people through a temporary rough time, especially food assistance for those going hungry because they have to choose between food and keeping their home.) Maybe you needed an older person telling you it was okay to end a relationship that was detrimental to you? Maybe you just needed someone to listen - someone to care - especially when you felt alone in your situation?

     So why not be that person for someone else? Don't think everything is "someone else's problem". Reach out and be that light in a darkening world. Help someone else with a hand up when they stumble. Let them know they matter to at least one person in this world. It's not your job to fix them, but we all have a responsibility to one another to help where we can. Can you refer them to a suicide hotline? Can you give them a ride to a food pantry so they don't have to carry a heavy box for a mile in hot weather? Can you buy them a lunch if they're hungry - or share yours? Can you share your experiences or those of others you know who successfully got through their situation?

     It doesn't take much. You don't have to change the whole world, you're just one person. But you can change one person's whole world by just being there. Peace.