Ready for the New Year, and a New Chapter in My Life

Here we are, just 9 days until Christmas, and barely 2 weeks to 2020. What will change for me in 2020 as I begin this new chapter in my life?

1.  As of now, I haven't met my first grandbaby yet. He's coming to visit so as January 1st rolls around, I'll have met him, held him, played with him, and taken tons of photos of him since he lives almost 1800 miles away!

2.  I will be starting at a new university to finish my bachelor's degree in 1 year.

3.  At the end of 2020, we're putting our home up for sale and downsizing. Our kids are all hard-working, independent adults who support themselves and pay a little rent here. They're ready to move on and we're ready to have a smaller mortgage, taking pressure off my husband while I'm in school.

4.  Our yearly vacation won't be a cruise to the Caribbean to check out new islands this coming year. Instead we'll use our vacation time and resources to go visit our kids and grandson in another state here in the U.S. Hopefully we'll get 7 to 10 days with them while we explore where they do life.

5.  I'm transitioning from the President of the Honor Society on campus to being the new person in the National Society of Collegiate Scholars at the university.

6.  I will have more free time than ever in my college career so far, taking just 4 classes instead of 5 or 6, only being on campus 2 days a week instead of 4 or 5. Fortunately, it's just far enough from home that it's not worth the 20+ mile drive unless I have a full day of classes to attend.

7.  Although I'm a minimalist, not everyone I live with is, and I've had responsibilities that kept me from being as minimalist as I'd like. In 2020, because of the downsizing, I'll be able to truly minimize things. I'll pack boxes almost every week and label them either who they're going to or donating the items where they can do the most good. Not a lot to actually throw away since we minimalized everything not too long ago.

8.  Hopefully, with the extra time, less stress, and more knowledge, my improving health will be better than ever. Still having issues with Hashimoto's and cortisol not letting me lose weight even on a gluten-free vegan diet, so we're "experimenting" with foods that have a similar construction to gluten chemically. We'll figure this thing out. Medication keeps things stabilized, but it's proven to not be the solution.

9.  I'll be switching teaching my bible studies from Friday to Monday, which frees me up to attend lots of Women Rising events I had to miss the last two semesters. It's a great organization to foster leadership, sisterhood, and empowerment. It's NOT a feminist or man-bashing organization (that's what I thought by the name when I first heard it). It's a group that focuses on issues important to women and support.

10.  Lastly, I'm sure I'll make lots of new friends this year. I make lots of friends every semester. Maybe I'll make less since I'll only be on campus 8 days a month and won't be so involved in campus events, but that's okay too. I could use a bit more time to relax and let my health recover.

What will 2020 hold for you? What are you looking forward to? What changes do you think you'll be going through? I'd love to hear from you!

Funny Things I Noticed Recently

 This is especially funny on minivans.

 This t-shirt made me laugh out loud.

 True story!

 These would look so good on people I know...I think my Christmas shopping is half done.

For those that are late for everything, we're just "lucky" they made it on the right day.

 Funny bumper sticker.

 Another true story.

 Okay, nothing like truth in advertising.

 Actually picture that one for a minute.

 Yeah, it got me too.

 This is the most useless sign ever. See the beauty in this? The sign is needed to prevent you from banging your head on it, but if it wasn't there in the first place, you wouldn't hit your head on it. Well played.

 This has to be from somewhere in Massachusetts.

 Again, without putting the sign up, there's no need for the sign - I find this funny.

Emotional Auto-Pilot

     It's always amazing to me when someone dies, how an entire family's world comes to a dead halt, nothing else matters in that moment, yet all around them, the rest of the world just keeps spinning on and on, people go about their lives, like it's any other day.

     At times, it makes me want to scream for them to stop and realize something serious is happening. Other times, I wish I was like them, living like it's any other day, and my relative or friend is still doing fine.

     Let's talk about the mini breakdown moments...there I am, going about my usual business, and the sadness comes out of nowhere and I skip a breath, my eyes well up with tears, I feel my lip quivering, and I'm thinking, "Not now, I'm out in public" or "I'm about to get up in front of people to speak." When I let it happen, it lasts just a few seconds and it's gone. Almost as quick as a sneeze you feel building up, then all at once you sneeze and it's over. When I hold it back, however, there's a sharp pain in the top of my head. Is this normal? Before I can wonder about that, it vanishes. I resume what I was doing but wonder how long before it will happen again.

     I don't think I'm alone in this. I believe this happens to others when dealing with grieving, divorce, worry over a loved one, situations feel hopeless, etc. It's so weird in that moment. It's like my mind and body are working together but they didn't send me the memo. It's like I'm just along for the ride and my mind and my body will continue to react to the loss and I'll just keep being surprised by it.

     I know from experience that when you lose a loved one it does get easier to get through the day as time goes on, but you don't forget the love, the memories, and the last words you shared. But you know what? Today is not that day! So here I am, thinking, grieving, trying to shut it down if only for a few brief moments so my head will stop hurting. Eventually, it will get better. And that's the hope I hold onto.

My Grandmother Just Died.

We all have that day we dread when someone we love dies. Mine is today. My grandmother just died, surrounded by several family members holding her hand, peacefully, while I'm over 2600 miles away  - and I  have all these random thoughts:

I should've spent more time with her
Why didn't I take more pictures of us together.
Why am I now recalling every opportunity I had to be with her and didn't.
Did she think of me as often as I thought of her?
Did she know how much I loved her, even though miles kept us separated for years at a time?
What should I have said to her sooner?
I hope I know enough about her and her life to share those memories with others.
There were so many times I needed her and she was there.
I'm picturing how each family member is feeling, thinking, and doing at this moment.
It will be so different at family gatherings now.
Those closest are going to be devastated for a long time.
She will be missed so much by so many.
I'm thankful her family was surrounding her, filling the room, telling her they/we love her.
I'm glad she was comfortable and at peace in the end.
We had no idea she'd breathe on her own for so long, but it gave everyone that extra chance to say         they love her.
I have so many good memories with her.
I remember the time when ......
I can't believe this is happening.
Her signs of aging and struggles are over now and that makes me happy for her.
I feel guilty wanting selfishly for her to get through this - but she just isn't this time.
I feel sick.
What now?

Be Who You Needed at that Age

     One of the things I'm known on campus for is being a Mom to a lot of my friends and classmates (because most are between 18 and 30). I love that title. I love being there to provide help, support, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, or the "answer lady" who knows how to answer their questions, or at least how to find them. This definitely has nothing to do with me being some great, wise person or anything. It's about taking the time to notice when someone is struggling. It's about using my decades of life experiences and failures to help steer others in the right direction, avoiding traps whenever possible. And I bet most of you reading this have a lot to offer others around you too.

     Think back to when you were a young adult, newly out on your own...no, seriously, I want you to stop and think about what it was like when the adult world was new to you:  paying rent, paying your own bills (especially utilities, phones, etc.) You may have struggled with how to pick a roommate that didn't steal your stuff, bring losers back to your "home", or didn't leave everything a total mess for you to pick up after them. Maybe your struggles were trying to figure out how to shop, cook, and feed yourself 24/7 for the first time. Maybe you had to learn to do your own laundry for the first time. Did you struggle in college? What about needing relationship advice? Did you wonder if you should stay in a relationship or "end it now" at some point?

     For some, it was much more harsh. Some came from a background so bad they were thrown into the adult world without a safety net. No money saved up. No help from family. A job that barely paid the bills IF nothing unusual happened, like getting a flat tire.

     I have been there with these young adults through family and friends that were suicidal, unexpected death of loved ones, losing a pet they've had since they were little, parents' divorces, their own divorce, health issues, getting thrown out of their home (NOT their fault), trapped living with abusive partners, depression and suicidal thoughts, strapped financially so badly that they can't feed themselves or may be getting thrown out of their apartment in a matter of days. The list goes on and on. People around you are hurting too if you just take a moment to look around and notice people. What can YOU do?

     When you were that age, and you were going through struggles, what did YOU need most? I don't mean winning the lottery, or a fairy with 3 wishes...seriously...what did you need? Was it someone who's been there and could help you reason out a logical conclusion and action step? Was it someone to let you sleep on their sofa for a few nights while they figure out where to go to escape a dangerous relationship? Was it a ride and a friend to stay with them while they sign up for the needed assistance they qualify for? (This may seem controversial to some, but if you're working and you still can't make ends meet, temporary assistance exists for those situations. Sometimes the working partner walks out leaving the full time college student, and possibly children, unexpectedly with zero income. Please don't promote stigmatization of programs designed to help people through a temporary rough time, especially food assistance for those going hungry because they have to choose between food and keeping their home.) Maybe you needed an older person telling you it was okay to end a relationship that was detrimental to you? Maybe you just needed someone to listen - someone to care - especially when you felt alone in your situation?

     So why not be that person for someone else? Don't think everything is "someone else's problem". Reach out and be that light in a darkening world. Help someone else with a hand up when they stumble. Let them know they matter to at least one person in this world. It's not your job to fix them, but we all have a responsibility to one another to help where we can. Can you refer them to a suicide hotline? Can you give them a ride to a food pantry so they don't have to carry a heavy box for a mile in hot weather? Can you buy them a lunch if they're hungry - or share yours? Can you share your experiences or those of others you know who successfully got through their situation?

     It doesn't take much. You don't have to change the whole world, you're just one person. But you can change one person's whole world by just being there. Peace.

Letting Go of the Guilt

     For most of my life, it was drilled into me by others' actions, words, and attitudes, that if you rest when you're tired, you're lazy. If you're a stay at home, homeschooling mom, you're job isn't that important because there's no paycheck attached to it. And I'm sorry to say, I bought into the lies.

     I spent twenty years raising my three kids to adulthood while homeschooling them all the way through from preschool to graduation. Before you ask if I'm qualified, the answer is yes. I learned and taught seven to eight subjects per child per year for twelve years or more each. That's much harder than teaching the same curriculum, for example, fourth grade math, over and over, year after year. In the end, I know see all three thriving in their endeavors, smarter than the people around them, and getting recognized in their jobs and college classes for it.

     During those years, I felt "useless". No matter how many hours I spent on the kids' education, which was usually around forty hours a week with planning, teaching, correcting, and hands on learning in museums and other venues, I was still looked down on by those around me because they earned a paycheck and I didn't.

     Friends and relatives made me feel dumb for struggling on one paycheck when I could "simply put them in free public school, go get some job, and then use the extra money to buy stuff". They never understood that the stuff was never as important to me as raising three kids into self-sufficient, responsible adults who would be leaders instead of followers, set and reach their goals, and would be productive members of society. I didn't want three adults in their twenties who sat home without cars or jobs, playing video games all day, waiting for someone else to feed them and do their laundry. No amount of stuff could compare with that in my mind. But I felt very alone in the process.

     Another hurdle was the whole resting thing. I spent decades getting up before dawn, going to bed last, working on things all day long, and had terrible insomnia. For years I had to force myself to get everything done on just two or three hours of sleep - and never in a row! If I stopped to sit down and watch a half hour tv show, everyone looked at me like, "We're working (at this minute, anyway), why aren't you?!" I was made to feel guilty for resting when I was tired. The results of that? I've had a host of health issues related to stress and lack of sleep. Everything from auto immune diseases, chronic fatigue, lactic acid buildup issues, high blood pressure, migraines, internal hives on my intestines, inflammation in my entire body, heart palpitations, and more. I didn't give my body what it needed to rest.

     Over time I slowly had more time to myself as the kids grew up, got jobs, went to college, etc. Just when I was feeling like I could finally breathe and heal my body, everyone starting asking, "What are you going to do now? Where will you go get a job with only a high school diploma from so many years ago? You don't just expect to stay home and "do nothing", do you?" Wow. Seriously? Can I have a minute to breathe?

     After some serious assessment of my health, mental capacity, and responsibilities I still had, I decided to go back to college. Just so you know, going back to school just shy of fifty is very intimidating. Think about it. When I was 19, colleges used books, and paper, and pens. Now it's all ebooks, online resources, programs for everything, power points, ted talks, presentations, and computers. But I figured I can learn anything if given a chance and shown how, so off I went to college. It's been a great two years, I now have my Associate's degree, and in the next 16 months, I'll have my Bachelor's. And yes, I'll be pursuing a Master's degree too. I've made great friends, mostly with teachers, but also with some fantastic students. I've maintained a 4.0 GPA (with lots of prayer and help), and I love being in a learning environment surrounded by so many diverse cultures and backgrounds. It's been very rewarding.

     Last semester almost killed me. I had too much on my plate, something I thought I learned not to do, but old habits creep back in when you least expect it. Stay vigilant. I had mental meltdowns, emotional days of doubts, sleepless nights of worrying about my grades, and in the process, I felt guilty if I tried to rest. Know what that got me? Not only hypothyroidism, but full-blown Hashimoto's disease. Couple that with other biological changes at my age and it set off a train wreck of chain reactions. I found myself with health problems in my thyroid, auto immune system, cortisol levels, adrenal fatigue, exhaustion, insomnia, rapid weight gain (from thyroid not working properly), vision started to decline, and other issues I won't bore you with here.

     Once it was done, graduation was over, I went on a much needed and well deserved vacation for almost two weeks. It was crazy how hard it was for me to shut down my mind and just "be" every day. It took a while, but it worked. I was finding some sort of stable norm again.

     Why tell you all this? Because of what I learned, and what I hope you will too if you have a similar story. Take the time to rest. When I got back from vacation, it truly felt like I was in someone else's mind and body. It was like the whole world was moving in slow motion after so many months (years) pushing full speed ahead. I decided that I better take this summer and force myself to REST. It's my only chance to truly heal my body and hope to have any type of quality future. I began by taking daily naps during vacation. After vacation, I wasn't into naps as much, but I focused on sleeping better. I went to bed early or late, rising earlier or later, totally depending on listening to my body every single day and finding out what I needed at the time. I realized our bodies' needs change on a day to day basis. I also decided to let go of EVERYTHING that I was not directly responsible for or to someone. I stopped trying to work my way through a thirty item daily task list. I learned to rest, breathe, pray and meditate on positive things, focus on eating only what will heal my body (which for me, with my health issues, is a soy-free, gluten-free, plant-based, vegan diet). I learned to focus every single day on thinking about and doing things to gently heal my broken body. I'm decluttering not just the spaces around me, but also in my digital, relational, and mental spaces.

     If you find yourself on a hamster wheel wondering how you'll ever find the time to get "well" again, I have a few action steps for you:

1.  Pick a time in the near future to "rest". Maybe it's a vacation you've earned. Maybe it's at the end of a project or segment of your job is done. Maybe it's during the slow season in your career. Whenever it is, pick that as a start date to start getting well again.

2.  Clear your calendar and mind of all that is unnecessary. This means saying NO to other people's needs when it totally throws your day, health, and plans off. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that will happen if you don't do "this one thing" - and if the answer is nothing, or only that someone else won't like it, then say no, let it go, and move on. I'm not a "look out for number one" type of person, but there are times when you need to step back, assess the situation, and do what you must to protect yourself.

3.  Add things into your day, week, or month that are healing. Maybe a vacation or even a quick getaway locally, go for a walk in the woods, spend time on a beach, sit by a mountain lake, or if you have a favorite hobby you miss, then plan a time to get back to it. Plan to take a nap if you need it or sleep in if you know your body is begging for more sleep to heal itself. Plan alone time to just unwind, relax, think in peace and quiet. This isn't the time to binge watch Netflix or Hulu. It's the time to be creative, or to shut it all down and enjoy the silence.

I hope you will find your own peace. But whatever you do, let go of the guilt.

A New Season of My Life

     I realize I haven't posted in 8 months. Sorry. I've been working frantically at my Associates's degree, getting used to having my mother and brother living with us, creating an honor society chapter on campus that was just about dissolved, becoming part of another group, and so much more! Here's some bullet points of my life since then:

• I graduated with my daughter! We both earned our Associate's Degree and I did it with a 4.0 GPA. She had a 3.9 because of a 2 bad teachers' grading of a particular thing.
• I went to Puerto Rico, on a Caribbean cruise, then back to Puerto Rico
• I totally unified, rebuilt, and grew the campus' Phi Theta Kappa honor society with a lot of hard work from some great members and an amazing advisor
• I spent 2 1/2 days at a retreat teaching and planning with my officers to make 2019 the best year yet
• I joined up with Women Rising on campus to help create and unify a sisterhood, support system for women on campus
• I'm teaching my brother how to drive.
• I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's after telling my doctor my thyroid isn't working right for a year, then a new doctor did bloodwork and found over 10 things wrong related to thyroid function. She said I wouldn't have Hashimoto's if the other doctor caught this sooner.
• I'm heading to New England soon to celebrate my daughter's Graduation and 21st Birthday.
• I'm going to be a "Mimi" this fall - our 1st grandbaby.
• I'm accepted, enrolled, and transferring to a new college in January (building up credits at community college prices first) where I'll only need 1 year/9 classes, to earn a Bachelor's.
• I'm loving plant-based eating. I feel so much better, and after reading The China Study, I believe eating meat and dairy every day may be the leading cause of cancer.

     So where am I at now? Enjoying the rest of my summer, I have an easier than ever fall semester, I'm excited about the Phi Theta Kappa and Women Rising events this fall, I'm expecting my Hashimoto's to get better, and I'm back to living simply after an absolutely overwhelming semester.

     Hopefully I'll be back on here regularly again. We can talk about health, minimalism, education, faith, politics, who knows? What I do know is that I will continue to encourage others on their own path to always take baby steps toward their goals and live intentionally. Talk to you soon.