Life is changing. I'm closing a chapter of my life forever and starting a new one. My time as a homeschooling Mom is over. My last has graduated. All 3 kids are now over 18, have their own car (we're sharing two cars with #3), they all have jobs, and they're all in the adult world now. My youngest just started college. So what's next? I have no idea.
I'm taking the next few months to try to figure out my purpose now. I could get a part-time job although who wants to give me 5 days off every 3rd weekend when Tim's home? I'm not going to have him home and I'm gone so that we never see each other. That's really bad for a marriage. My fear is that I'll give away my time, have to drop doing the things that ARE part of my life's purpose that I'm doing now, for about $100/wk difference - meanwhile, I'm miserable, and so is everyone else that I'd have to step away from to work.
I could go back to school, I actually love being a student - but I can't imagine putting thousands of dollars of more pressure on Tim to pay for it for the next 2 to 4 years. I'd probably be okay as a teacher in a private Christian school, but I couldn't do it in a public school since I disagree with almost everything they decide these days. I'd be in court for not silencing my beliefs if a student asks. I also would love to study psychology, or even business. Again though, at the end of the schooling, I'd still need to work, full time to justify the cost of education, and I'm back to the dilemma of not pursuing what I believe I was called to do - I just wish it had a paycheck attached to it. What I do helps people, helps me be a better person to those around me, and makes the world a better place, but it's on a volunteer basis.
I am over the MLM thing. I had a wonderful experience in Monavie, and would've stayed with them til I died. Loved the products. Loved the pay plan. Loved everything about it - then they sold the company to sort of a parent company that changed it all. The pay plan was not cut & dry anymore, it was harder to plan for it, the best Monavie products got changed or discontinued (except for the juices - but those are only available to those of us who moved TO the new company. New people can't sign up & have access with the new company. I was sad to see that chapter close after years in that business, and all the friends I made there, but it's finally nice to talk to someone without the pressure or guilt of saying/not saying anything about a company. I can just meet people and not feel like I have an ulterior motive, regardless of how pure my motives were to get to know them. I'm happy not worrying about the next event, having to find people to go or else sit alone in a big venue. It's nothing Tim's schedule would EVER allow for these days.
So where does that leave me? Confused. Scared. My head is constantly rolling ideas around, comparing the good and the bad of each option, it's keeping me up at night feeling like I'm running out of time to decide or something. It's a bad place that I haven't been for many, many years. I pray for direction, but I haven't been given any indication what I'm supposed to do, or at least, none of the options so far are the right answer. I'm trying to be patient, but I need my head to be quiet again. It's like listening to an out of control courtroom full of people arguing both sides of my options.
In the meantime, I'm catching up on all the things I haven't been able to do for the last 6 months while getting Jordan graduated, passing her GED, teaching her to drive, getting her enrolled in college, among the other day to day stuff I already have on my plate. I'm trying to cook more to save money on groceries. I'm trying to rid our home of materialistic things we don't need, cleaning closets, tossing out boxes of stuff we don't need, thinning down the years of collected dishes, serving platters, mixing bowls, storage containers, etc.
I'm trying to take time to hunt down new ideas for a job I may be able to do without a college degree and without ANY work experience in the last decade. My last real work experience was before companies used computers! I know I can DO and LEARN just about any job with on-the-job training, but to get in the door, my application is just one of literally hundreds for every job, and without experience and without a degree, it NEVER gets called to the top of the pile for an interview.
I wish I knew someone who owned a company willing to give me a shot, who knows I'm dependable, honest, and hard-working. Unfortunately, my friends are mostly retired, stay-at-home Moms & wives, or they work a regular job themselves (most with a degree of some kind). I know the answers will come, I'm just impatient and unsure. Hopefully things will get clearer soon, but for now, I guess I'm stuck with the voices in my head.
Friday, August 26, 2016
Week 11 - It Got Real (stressful)
So here I was, gliding along doing THM when out of nowhere, life hit me! I won't get into details, but I had stress coming from each of my 3 young adult, living at home kids - none of which was because they screwed up. Just wanted to be clear about that. They all were just doing or going through stuff at exactly the same time and as their Mom, it was a lot of stress for them.
On top of that, my husband is only home a few days a month, and this time, he came home a day early. I LOVE when he gets home early, it just meant that I had one less day to tidy up loose ends so I could spend his home time with him and not running around taking care of the house and doing errands.
Did I mention we also had just a few days to find, finance, and purchase a car? With him heading back out so quickly, my husband has a very short window to get things like this done. We don't have the usual, "We'll start the process, get back to you in a few days, and then we'll go from there." It has to be done, and done now.
All this, in addition to the stress in my own head and life, caused a weekend of bad choices regarding THM. I spent hours on two separate days looking at cars and sitting at the dealership. I missed my snacks so was ravenous by mealtime. It was a really hot Arizona summer day, about 108, so leaving things in a 200+ degree car wasn't an option (coolers don't even work well after 6 hours in that heat). So what did I do? I stayed mostly on plan, but...I had a few drinks on one night, I ate boxed candy at the movies when all the car stuff was over. I ate white bread toast with butter - even though I know not to mix my carbs & fats like that. I ate Pringles for supper on the worst night. I even ate a tube of mini M&Ms somewhere in all that. I felt guilty. I felt awful health-wise compared to how I feel when I eat wholesome food on plan. What would the scale say?! I dreaded Monday morning when I normally weigh in. The sugar cravings definitely came back, and I've been so happy up to this point finally breaking free from them.
Here's why I love THM, well, one of the reasons, I weighed the same on Monday morning! I did manage a few on plan meals in all that so it was pretty forgiving. I did go up by a pound or so a day later, but I'm back where I was before the weekend already. I immediately got back on plan Monday, sticking mostly with all THM cookbook recipes and less "freestyling" my own meals. I drank a slimming drink they share. I was a bit bloated from the sugar and wheat for a few days, but that seems to be gone now too. Trim Healthy Mama is such a wonderful program. It's healthy, forgiving, and normally if you find yourself eating off plan, you can just jump right back on 3 hours later at the next snack or meal. You just don't want to do a whole weekend like that, like I did, but life happens, and I'm real with you. The sugar cravings did stick around for about 3 more days, and that sucked, but it's over already. I found myself wanting chocolate and doughnuts for the first time in months. Glad it's over.
This week, I made a few snacks ahead of time that are Fuel Pulls, meaning they have very few calories, carbs, & fats - like the Lemon Pudding recipe. This way, when I get hungry, I'm prepared. Fuel Pulls (FP) are great because they can be eaten alone, early if you can't wait til the next meal, or as a dessert after a meal - regardless of if you had an E or an S meal.
Back on track, I'm ready to really focus on being careful for the next 5 or 6 weeks before our cruise. I know I'll be eating off plan during that 2 week trip (driving there/back, cruise, 1-2 days in TX). It's a LIFETIME eating plan, so I don't worry about it. I know a year from now, I'll be better off, healthier, trimmer, adding years to my life, and one meal, one weekend, one vacation won't change that. Have a great weekend.
On top of that, my husband is only home a few days a month, and this time, he came home a day early. I LOVE when he gets home early, it just meant that I had one less day to tidy up loose ends so I could spend his home time with him and not running around taking care of the house and doing errands.
Did I mention we also had just a few days to find, finance, and purchase a car? With him heading back out so quickly, my husband has a very short window to get things like this done. We don't have the usual, "We'll start the process, get back to you in a few days, and then we'll go from there." It has to be done, and done now.
All this, in addition to the stress in my own head and life, caused a weekend of bad choices regarding THM. I spent hours on two separate days looking at cars and sitting at the dealership. I missed my snacks so was ravenous by mealtime. It was a really hot Arizona summer day, about 108, so leaving things in a 200+ degree car wasn't an option (coolers don't even work well after 6 hours in that heat). So what did I do? I stayed mostly on plan, but...I had a few drinks on one night, I ate boxed candy at the movies when all the car stuff was over. I ate white bread toast with butter - even though I know not to mix my carbs & fats like that. I ate Pringles for supper on the worst night. I even ate a tube of mini M&Ms somewhere in all that. I felt guilty. I felt awful health-wise compared to how I feel when I eat wholesome food on plan. What would the scale say?! I dreaded Monday morning when I normally weigh in. The sugar cravings definitely came back, and I've been so happy up to this point finally breaking free from them.
Here's why I love THM, well, one of the reasons, I weighed the same on Monday morning! I did manage a few on plan meals in all that so it was pretty forgiving. I did go up by a pound or so a day later, but I'm back where I was before the weekend already. I immediately got back on plan Monday, sticking mostly with all THM cookbook recipes and less "freestyling" my own meals. I drank a slimming drink they share. I was a bit bloated from the sugar and wheat for a few days, but that seems to be gone now too. Trim Healthy Mama is such a wonderful program. It's healthy, forgiving, and normally if you find yourself eating off plan, you can just jump right back on 3 hours later at the next snack or meal. You just don't want to do a whole weekend like that, like I did, but life happens, and I'm real with you. The sugar cravings did stick around for about 3 more days, and that sucked, but it's over already. I found myself wanting chocolate and doughnuts for the first time in months. Glad it's over.
This week, I made a few snacks ahead of time that are Fuel Pulls, meaning they have very few calories, carbs, & fats - like the Lemon Pudding recipe. This way, when I get hungry, I'm prepared. Fuel Pulls (FP) are great because they can be eaten alone, early if you can't wait til the next meal, or as a dessert after a meal - regardless of if you had an E or an S meal.
Back on track, I'm ready to really focus on being careful for the next 5 or 6 weeks before our cruise. I know I'll be eating off plan during that 2 week trip (driving there/back, cruise, 1-2 days in TX). It's a LIFETIME eating plan, so I don't worry about it. I know a year from now, I'll be better off, healthier, trimmer, adding years to my life, and one meal, one weekend, one vacation won't change that. Have a great weekend.
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