It's almost Christmas!

Christmas is my favorite holiday. It's a time full of hope and joy, bright lights, hot cocoa, giving people gifts to show you care and want to do something nice for them, and it's a time when it's okay to express my faith. This blog will not be about the spiritual aspect of Christmas. Those who know me understand that is the first and foremost point of the season. With that said, this entry is about the other aspects of Christmas for me.


Every year I go in with high expectations of a warm, fuzzy feeling surrounded by loving family members. Sometimes circumstances distract from that, like in the past, financial struggles. Other times I feel very lonely because no one in my family except Tim's parents live close enough to spend Christmas with us. Sometimes it's because everyone's work schedule is so different, we have to rush through a meal, or eat at a weird time (Thanksgiving dinner was me and 5 teenagers at 9:30 at night).


Every year we have a theme too. We've done Italian, Mexican, Greek, Traditional American, Victorian, and this year...Scottish Christmas! Not only does that determine our menu, but our theme often is reflected in how we decorate our tree. This year we have a tree that's got lots of red, green, gold, and plaid. We used plaid ribbon on our tree. I've always liked the look of ribbon on the trees but never got it right (I'm too Obsessive Compulsive), so I'd decide not to use it. This year, Jordan did it and it looks amazing! I love it! I worked to create a large bow by hand from the ribbon. It wasn't easy, and I sort of cheated in how I did it to keep it together, but it looks great on top of our tree too.


I'm excited about the menu this year. We'll have a few traditional things like Egg Nog and green bean casserole (I never had it growing up and never knew about it until a few years ago. The kids love it and want it whenever possible.) We also will have Scotch Eggs, they're hard-boiled eggs, surrounded in (turkey for us) sausage, then put in bread crumbs and cooked. Also we'll skip the mashed potatoes in favor of potato pancakes. My Scottish grandfather used to make them and although I don't have too many great memories of him, that is one of them. Our family would gather at my grandmother's place, across the hall from his apartment, open the back doors that joined on a back porch, and we would enjoy his potato pancakes...me, my mother and sisters (babies at the time), my Aunts Donna and Brenda, and my cousins Vinny & Tanya. Anyway, we'll also have brussel sprouts with (turkey)bacon, peas, and the Scottish desserts will be Shortbread cookies, homemade vanilla custard, Chranachan, and Treacle with Golden Syrup. (That one's hard to explain, you'll have to look it up if you're interested.)


The best part this year is that Tim will be home, Jordan will be here, of course, Logan is off from work, and although Adam has to work 2 AM to 10 AM, then go back in Christmas night at 10 PM, we will have time for all of us to be together. The kids are old enough to shop for each other's gifts now and I love seeing how hard they try to think and find just the right things. Also, the kids are old enough to appreciate not only what they get, but all that we can do together. They have spent the last 2 years getting to appreciate Tim for all he does for us. They also have rebuilt, or maybe built for the first time, a good relationship with him. I love that they can all be together and enjoy spending time with each other. Being together, laughing, sharing things, to me, THAT is what "home for the holidays" should be like.

It's Fall!

Fall in Arizona is very brief. It comes later here than the rest of the country, and it turns to winter very quickly (which still isn't so bad here). I had the great experience of being in New England until October 1st. I got to see the leaves change colors, the humidity dropped to a drier climate, and the cooler temperatures had just set in. I expected to be freezing, but even at the water's edge in Boston on a cloudy day, I really enjoyed it.






Now that we're into the beginning of November, fall is setting in here. We've had a few weeks where it's been in the 70s instead of the 80s, so it actually feels like fall. The windows and doors are open, we're getting outside more, and it feels great to sit outside with a cup of coffee or tea and just relax. This year, I'm going to try to spend fall outdoors. Usually I run around like crazy and before you know it, I missed the cool weather and it's spring again, heading into the 90s. I plan on taking each day more slowly this time around. I will enjoy spiced cider, pumpkin flavored foods, cool breezes, walks in the park, trips to the zoo, hot cocoa on the patio at night, and if I'm lucky, I'll catch a few fall local events that are outdoors too. The kids even carved pumpkins for the first time ever this year, thanks to the help of Logan's girlfriend, CJ.



I've added a few fall decorations around the house, nothing too much, but I can't wait til Thanksgiving so I can set up for Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. We've got all our decorations for this year already. Every year we do a theme like "Mexican", "Italian", or "Greek". This year, since my reunion with my Ferguson family, we decided to do a Scottish Christmas (without the haggis, before you ask).



Our tree will have plaid bows, red and gold ornaments with white and red berries, pine cones, and a few green accents to tie it all together. Unfortunately, the days of easily finding plaid ornaments and decorations are gone. Now they're super expensive or you have to order them from the U.K.!
We're putting together a traditional Scottish menu and the gifts will be wrapped in a nice plaid paper I found. I can't wait!

Heading back to New England

Next week I'm heading back to New England with my middle child, now almost 18. So many things I'd like to do in the Boston area, but not enough days to do it unless I stayed for almost a month and had my whole family going with me. There are a few highlights I will have time for and I'm looking forward to all of them:

1. I get to see lots of my Scottish family! I'll be seeing cousins I haven't seen in 37 years! My grandmother who turns 92 this year. My mother I haven't seen in 10 years. My 14 year old nephew I haven't seen since he was about 4. My sister who I haven't been with in 10 years. Lots of Aunts & Uncles I haven't seen in 5 years. And tons of other cousins.

2. I get to see two very dear friends that I've stayed friends with, even across the miles and years. We tend to lose touch, but when I'm with them, it's like old times again instantly. One I've known for over a decade and we watched our children grow up at the same time. All five of them have turned into wonderful young men and women and we're both proud of them all. The other friend I met when we were about 7. We stayed best friends from second grade through most of high school. We lost touch after that through jobs, moves, different circles, etc. but after years of searching out common friends, facebook, and google searches, we found each other again about 7 years ago. We saw each other 5 years ago, but it's amazing how fast these last 5 have passed. Now we'll get to reunite, my son will get to meet her and her family, and I get to see how quickly her boys have grown.

3. My sister is getting married! After years of being together, they're finally getting married and starting their own life together in their own new home. I absolutely love my new brother-in-law, he's perfect for her, and his family loves her to death. They've been so kind to her already. I'm so happy to see it become official. I'm so glad I can be there for their special day.

4. My youngest wants to collect sand from beaches around the world. When I last visited New England 5 years ago I bought her beach-themed souvenirs from my trip for her birthday that summer. Now she wants me to bring her back a small container or baggie of sand. I don't know exactly how and when I'll find time to do that, but I will because I know it's important to her - and not something I'll have the chance to do for a while. It will give me a chance to bring my son back to the last beach where he jumped waves when he was 7, to hear the ocean waves crashing on the shore, to smell the salty air, to hear the seagulls overhead, and to feel the moisture in the wind. I miss the beach sometimes, especially that first summer-like day of the year. I grew up on the shores of Mass. & NH, but if I ever bought a beach house, it would be where the water is WARM, maybe the southern coast of Texas.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to our trip, and I hope to get great city shots of Boston and it's architecture during our flight to and our wait at the airport on our flight home. I'll try to get a picture of the Logan Tower at the airport :-)

What do we have to show for it?

Many times in my life, I'd look back after 10 years of marriage, or on my 40th birthday, or after Adam graduated, or some other milestone. When I looked back, I would sort of mentally assess the past compared to the future and I thought, "What do I have to show for it?" I suppose in a material and worldly perspective, many people, including me, would have to admit we don't have much compared to a typical American family at this stage of the game. We don't have the big house we always wanted - we rent a small place that's within our price budget because we lost our home a few years ago when the job market changed. We also were victims of the Bank of America schemes and illegal practices which caused the entire problem.


Side note: We had never been late on our payments, but they told us our credit was too good, so we had to skip paying for 3 months to qualify because then we'd be in a category of need they could work with to refinance. In about 60 days during this process we received a letter from B of A saying our mortgage and home were sold to some trust company, who then told us to get out almost immediately because it was going to auction. That led to a class action lawsuit nationwide of homes they illegally took from families and resold like this to make quick profits. We got back less than $2000 in compensation for the hell that followed, including needing to give up our jobs because of moving, and having to declare bankruptcy.


Anyway, now I ask myself - okay, what do we REALLY have to show for the past 20+ years of struggles? Here's a few of the answers:

1. Because we sacrificed two paychecks so I could stay home and raise/educate our kids, we have responsible, mature, articulate children that know right from wrong and can teach themselves how to learn what they're interested in learning.

2. We have learned to appreciate what we have. Our kids understand the work that's required to earn things, so instead of the entitlement or "give me it now" attitude I see in so many young people today, they weigh out what they want and what they really NEED, then they figure out a way to work and save for those things that are important.
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3. I have a 20 year story about the growth of my faith. Having been through all kinds of trials involving finances, neighbors kids who bullied mine, marriage ups and downs, health miracles, and incredible experiences that go far beyond the odds of "coincidence", I've now got experience. I have seen God step into situations and fix them in ways I couldn't possibly have hoped to turn out so well. I've received unexpected amounts from unbelievable sources that match the exact amount of money needed at the time. Our family has been blessed with so much!

4. I have a strong marriage to show for the years. We've been through so much. There's been two times in particular that I was done and wanted to walk out, but God literally stepped in and changed EVERYTHING in a heartbeat to bring us where we are today. We now have the most secure, close, honest, open, fun, respectful, and loving marriage than ever before. We've both grown, been changed, and had experiences that although many were horrific at the time, changing any of it would have led to a different place - so I respect the journey we've had to take to get here.

5. We are debt-free because of our life's journey. We don't have a mortgage (although we'd like one a year from now), we haven't had a car payment in many years since we paid off everything a long time ago. We have only one credit card that we use for medical, dental, and car emergencies, and we pay it off before the bill even becomes due. That takes so much pressure off our shoulders. There's no heavy weight hanging over us making us feel guilty for anything we do together as a family. We don't live under the "we can't afford it" mentality on an hourly basis. We're free to plan and save for things we decide are important.

6. We have a great relationship with all of our teens, which I know is pretty rare these days. Our kids talk to us about their problems, ask for solutions but never handouts, we discuss today's issues and topics with honesty, we share our good and bad times, and because we had to go through struggles to get to this point, we appreciate the relationships even more.

So maybe in the eyes of our American "never have enough" attitudes, we don't appear to have much to show for the past 21 years together, but the way I see it, we have more to show for it than most people's superficial scorecard. I'm living under many blessings. I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I'm content with where we're at, but I've built up enough faith and belief that yes, we will have a home of our own again, update our vehicles, and get to travel. We just have to get out there and earn it first, but they're not the most important things. We've already been given everything we really "NEED".

Jordan's 15!

Today Jordan is 15. How did this happen so quickly? I have been home for almost every day of her life. Our only time apart in 15 years has been my trip to New England 5 years ago (she went camping with Tim and the boys), her few days at a summer bible camp in the mountains, a small handful of sleepovers at friends' houses, and my 2 part-time jobs a few years ago. Other than that, I've been there every day of her life - yet it still went by so quickly. When young parents are told how quickly the time passes, it's hard to believe because you're just entering a life-long commitment. When you're caught up in the day to day of changing diapers, running from sports to dance and other classes, and trying to keep an organized home, it's hard to understand how fast the years will pass.

Happy Birthday, Jordan! I'm proud of who you're becoming.

My favorite moment of this week:

Tim was home Wed. afternoon through 3 AM on Thursday. On Wed. we were getting ready for bed. Jordan came to give him a hug so she wrapped her arms around both of us and yelled, "Group hug!" Imagine my surprise when the boys, 17 and 19 came over and joined us! It was that moment in my life I had always hoped for. A moment of family unity. Seeing the kids wanting to be hugging their Dad. It's been a rough 21 years of ups and downs, but I love the new relationships the boys (and Jordan) have with Tim. We've instilled most of what we can already in the boys, so now Tim can learn to be their friend and mentor going forward. I love that Jordan calls him "Daddy" at almost 15 years old. That was my favorite moment of this week.

June 1

My gosh, it's been a fast couple of weeks! I'd love to write for hours about every little detail of it, but time just doesn't allow for that. Here's the bullet points of it:

The first 10 days of May were hectic. I was busy packing up the last of the house, trying to get any last-minute big cleaning jobs done, making half a dozen trips to Goodwill to donate things we hadn't used in over a year (and probably wouldn't in the next year), cleaning up the yard, tossing lots of trash, changing over all the utilities, changing our address with important companies, physicians, mystery shopping companies, and dentists, and making sure everything would go smoothly to move into our new place.

The weekend Tim was home to move, it happened to also be Mother's Day. We got him the night before, picked up the truck early - as soon as the Uhaul place opened, picked up an almost brand new pair of washer & dryers I'd found on Craig's List the day before, moved out everything, and moved into the new place - where we hadn't seen the inside yet, just pictures and floor plans. We ended up with less cabinets than expected, but more closet space. I had no idea Tim had accumulated so much big, garage-type stuff that you can't store in a carpeted home. Big, heavy, rusty, metal things! They live on our patio until further notice - but at least I made them look neat. The second day we headed over to the old house to clean. Who would've guessed an empty house we cleaned regularly, and scrubbed weekly would take us 4 hours to clean on the last day?! We also did the yard that day too. I wanted ALL my deposit possible, so it had to be as close to perfect as possible. Also, being friends of ours, it was very important to us that it was returned in like-new condition. After cleaning, Tim & I had plans to go out for Mother's Day, as tired as we were, and with my good clothes buried under boxes. I was so focused on the move that I didn't make plans for any particular restaurant - on the busiest day of the year! We tried Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Mimi's Cafe, everything was packed, even at an odd time like 3:00 in the afternoon! We ended up at Hibachi Grill in Mesa. It's not super classy, but for a decent price I could pick and choose what and how much of what I ate. They do stir fry meat/veggies right there for you on a big grill, they have sushi for Tim, and lots of Asian choices - along with a few more American dishes. It's one of the cleanest buffets we've seen, so we decided to stay there. Besides, by then we were starving.

Unfortunately, we had to skip seeing Iron Man 3 because Tim got called into work so early on Monday morning, that he would've had to leave at 3 a.m., so rather than having me get up at 1:30 in the morning to take him back to his truck 25 miles across town, we decided to end our weekend together short and return him Sunday night.

The next week I was very busy trying to get everything put away. I'm very OCD and boxes everywhere brings out my claustrophobia and makes it hard to breathe. I didn't get it all put away in 2 days like I usually do, but within 3 or 4 days, it was done. It was hard losing a 2-car garage and storage shed, but we did it.

The next two weeks were filled with continuing to finish up our school year, Adam's graduation ceremony, requirements, and party plans, as well as work on something for my 21st Anniversary with Tim. During this month, I still had bible studies to work on and attend, dentist appointments to make, Mystery Shops to do, etc.

The last weekend in May was great. I got Tim early enough on Thursday that we got done 99% of his usual "restock the truck for another 3 week trip" errands. I had time to finish up helping Adam get ready for graduation and see Logan off to work on the motorcycle from now on. The graduation day on Friday was great. The morning was relaxing, we spent the afternoon together at Alice Cooperstown restaurant near the graduation, then when it was time for the ceremony, we went in, us 4 (plus Adam), Adam's girlfriend, Hope, Tim's parents, and Aunt Gail from Georgia. The ceremony was great and the speech by Congressman Trent Franks was very inspiring too.

On Saturday, we had Adam's party. Lots of great food, and friends dropped by all day, CJ (Logan's girlfriend), Davin, and Austin. It was fun, especially afterwards when we spent the afternoon listening to our boys play guitar and sing with CJ. Then Logan went to work, CJ left, Adam & Hope went out, Jordan got settled in for the night, and Tim and I were able to head out and finally see Iron Man 3!

It's been a great end to the month of May, and a great beginning to start off June.

April flew by.

1. I recovered from my oral surgery and finally had my permanent crown put in. Four months to do what should've been 3 weeks. 2. Production week and 3 shows of Seussical the Musical. 3. Adam's prom with Hope. 4. Logan started working at Pizza Hut. 5. Logan started dating CJ. 6. We got accepted for our new place and I had to pack up the whole house. 7. Tim's few days home we had to fix up around the house so when we leave, everything's in good working order. 8. Tried to finish up most of the 4th quarter of our homeschool year. 9. Began selling off old curriculum. 10. 4 bags of clothes and many boxes of stuff I was ready to part with and donated to Goodwill. 11. Had to go through all the stuff in the storage shed. 12. Began a new Bible Study on Tuesdays. 13. Continued facilitating the Spiritual Gifts test. 14. Working on grades, GPAs, paperwork requests, ACT test signups, college info, etc. for Logan. 15. Had to figure out how to reduce costs and upgrade to smart phones in May. May should be just as busy.

Getting ready for the move...

Today is Sunday. We move Friday. In the next 5 days, I have to pack every last thing to be moved. I think I'm almost there, but when I see my daughter's room, I feel there's so much undone. She swears she needs everything in it right up to the last night. As for the rest of the house, we're in good shape, but there's so many little details. It's part of the reason I'm not sleeping again. I was doing great and sleeping 5 and 6 hours in a row after we first were told we could move where we wanted. I did great after we began the packing, and after signing the documents to move in. This last week, I've had trouble sleeping again. Part of it is explained on my faith blog, but another part of it is just anxiety I would bet. It's hard to pack up an entire house by myself, keep track of paying off the last of the bills here while establishing the new ones for the new place. It's hard to juggle the finances when every day there's so much going on, between deposits, connection charges, things we need, etc. Fortunately, we've been blessed during this time with enough money to do all that we need to do, so it's not that kind of financial struggle, but it's keeping it all straight that's hard. We're also trying to finish up the 4th quarter of school. I could easily stop and have them resume after the move but they're both in the middle of chapters and with a two week break, they'd never do well on the end of chapter tests. Motivating them to do work at this time is so hard. In all this, Tim's gone. It's not easy doing it all alone. Hopefully by the beginning of 2014 (or sooner) he'll have a more local or regional job with this company so he'll be home either every weekend, or a few times a week, or dare I hope, every night? I still have to manually change our address with a few dozen businesses, and worse, go through the boxes that are left in the storage shed. The boxes left are somewhat open, not sealed up tight, and there's everything out there from black widow and brown recluse spiders, to bark scorpions. Every box needs to be pulled out, and gone through completely to be sure we aren't bringing anything poisonous with us. If I can do this without getting bitten or stung, it'll be a miracle! I've killed so many spiders and scorpions in there already. It doesn't help that it's been near 100 degrees all week and the critters are seeking quiet, shady, cooler shelter. 5 more days, then we move and it's done. Five more days...Five more days...

Seussical the Musical

This is a special weekend for Logan. It's probably his last play with Moezart Productions. He's almost 18, he'll be a Senior next year, and we don't anticipate him having time in his schedule to do it again - especially since he's started working at Pizza Hut on top of everything else. We have many great memories of him performing in plays in Chandler. He's started off as Snoopy in You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. Usually the role is played by a big, tall 11th or 12th grader. There's a huge monologue to be memorized during Snoopy's scene where he's imagining fighting the Red Baron. Logan did it perfectly as a 6th grader! He was technically too young for Moezart, but the owner wanted him to try it out. It was his first play ever and he stole the show. Lots of little kids in the audience that asked him for his autograph after the show. He and Adam were in a few plays together, and I know I'll forget a few, but they did The Greatest Christmas Pageant Ever, Cheaper by the Dozen, Fools, Antshillvania, all three kids were in that one, the Music Man, Sherlock Holmes, and Seussical the Musical. Getting to know the families involved has been such a blessing. I've made some friendships there that range from deep, close and personal to a "family" feel. We moved away for two years and when we came back, the younger siblings were now on stage, the older ones had graduated and moved on (but still come back to watch the performances), and many of the parents are still there. I've spent many years with some of these families and I feel privileged to know many of them. Watching Logan develop different friendships with the other kids as he's gone through different seasons of his life has been wonderful to experience as well. It's definitely sad to think this is his last show, his last role, his goodbye to Moezart Productions, but at least we'll be able to come to their future shows and see many of our friends, and hopefully meet some new ones.

Preparing for Address #11 in 21 years.

Well, we're moving again. It'll be our 11th address in 21 years of marriage - and that includes staying at one location for 7 years! We've definitely moved a lot, probably more than most. Why? Well, when we first got married, we did that in NH but had moved our date up because Tim was working as a volunteer on a Congressional campaign for a friend of the family in Arizona. We got married and our first address was in Mesa, AZ. After the elections, we returned to NH but were living with his parents while we saved for our first home. Then we bought a mobile home for us and decided to have Adam. All that worked great until we made the decision to take responsibility for my teenage younger sister - now we needed a 3rd bedroom. Since my in-laws bought the horse farm where they boarded their horses, and there was a 3 bedroom home on-site, we lived there to watch over the horses. After our third child, we decided we better toy something of our own. We bought a duplex in NH. It came with tenants that paid the entire mortgage so we lived pretty close to free for a year. We decided to get into real estate and purchased several more multi-family houses. We lived in 3 of them all together. We missed Arizona and hated the snow, and the cold, so we moved back to Arizona in 2003. We stayed there for 7 years until the place I worked at closed, and its replacement company was headed that way too. Tim also had to take a pay cut to keep his job. Our credit cards (which we only used for necessities, not dining out, movies, shopping) went from a guaranteed "2% for the life of the balance" to 28% overnight for no reason whatsoever. The companies just decided to change the deal, all in the same month. Our bank told us we couldn't apply for a re-fi on the house because we had excellent credit. They were only considering families "in trouble". We were advised by the mortgage company to get 3 to 6 months behind so they could deal with our situation. Against my begging for a better solution, we decided to follow their advice. Within 75 days, we received a notice our mortgage had been sold, we could not pay them what we owed since they no longer held the account, the new company was some private trust company, and it was being auctioned soon. We had to move and let it foreclose. We moved to the White Mts. of AZ to again live with Tim's parents who'd moved here a few years earlier. We spent two years in a very rural county, not even recognized as a town, no central government, nothing to do for three teenagers but work in the garden and yard. Good experience, but living there, we'd NEVER earn enough to have a place of our own again, nor buy groceries without government help, nor have gas to get the 35 miles to the grocery store! We had to leave. Tim took advantage of a program there to change careers, get training, and become a flatbed, over-the-road truck driver. That meant we had to move back to the city. He couldn't take the chance of having the road to the city closed for snow and he couldn't get to work 3 1/2 hours away. That happened the day before he was to start his company's training. I was blessed to have some wonderful friends who knew we were good, responsible people who just got hit unexpectedly by the economy in 2010. They were willing to give us a chance. They allowed us to live in a beautiful 3-bedroom home while we got back on our feet. They also knew our budget restraints since Tim was just starting out. He barely earned his first few paychecks when they let us move into their rental home. They gave us a reduced rate that has gotten us back into good credit standing, allowed us to fix some major medical and dental issues in our family, put aside some savings, and live a normal life again. Now we are moving to a new place. The one year lease is up here and the rent will increase by almost 30% (and rightly so, to be fair). Our friends will rent this place out for more money, which is great for them, and we'll gather a few more amenities and things for the kids to do in the process. Our new rent will be less than the increase would've been, which allows us to save for our own house that much sooner. This will be our 11th address, and the plan is to stay for 12 to 24 months while we save like crazy for a home in Scottsdale near our church home. Move to our 12th address will hopefully be our last. We hope to buy the home we really want, with space for us, and a few extra room for the kids, or someday grandkids, or friends & relatives to visit. We'll be able to fix it up any way we want, plant a garden and fruit trees of our own. That should be our last move.

My 4??? birthday.

What an odd birthday I had today. I was so happy to have no set plans so I could sleep in, then at 6 am my body and mind were wide awake. Then I spent the morning just relaxing, but feeling anxious because I didn't want to "waste a perfectly good birthday". Tim was so wonderful. He was ready to go anywhere I wanted and do anything I asked. He was also the first to say Happy Birthday to me. That was a first. I planned on coloring eggs with the kids, or at least getting pictures of them doing it, around 2 pm, so I spent the morning boiling eggs and trying the oven baking method (which did NOT turn out well, sorry Pinterest). I left with Tim to check out a new grocery store I'd heard about, but it wasn't very exciting, so we got milk and came home. The kids, now teens, colored eggs together. Well, Logan & Jordan did. Adam kept saying he wanted to, but later. He had his girlfriend over, and she would've but she fell asleep watching a movie and Adam never got around to it. The other two had fun though, and it gave me the eggs I needed to make deviled eggs for Easter the next day. After taking Logan to work at Pizza Hut, Tim and I went out to enjoy my birthday dinner out together. We had originally planned on Pita Jungle in Chandler. I like Mediterranean food there and you can sit by the water, but for some reason, I really wanted to have steak, and I knew if it wasn't a good amount of food for the money, Tim wouldn't enjoy it as much. We happened to get a coupon recently for the Black Angus Steakhouse. We were able to order an appetizer to share, two entrees, and a shared dessert for under $40. He ordered the NY Strip steak and I got the filet mignon. I figured that would be the softest choice with my new temporary crown. It's only 6 ounces, more than enough. I got mashed potatoes with it and onion rings, but they were too big, messy, crumbly, and crispy, so I gave half to Tim. It was the most food I'd eaten in a long time. Living on soft foods for a month changes your appetite and portion sizes quite a bit! I actually enjoy eating less, I feel better, I don't get sleepy after eating and I have more energy. I noticed a while back I've never laid on my bed feeling sick after a meal and thought, "I always feel like this after eating healthy." I've made lots of small, healthier changes over the years, but I think I'm making better strides than ever. I didn't even have leftovers from the Easter baskets - you know - when you make sure everyone has the same number of candies and there's one or two left over in the bag. This year I just purchased 3 of everything so there wouldn't be any left over. Good thinking, less temptation. By the time my birthday was coming to a close, I felt much better. I'd spent it with my husband and children. That's important because I treasure little moments knowing they're almost grown and everything may be our "last time to do it together". I also wanted steak to be the first real meal I eat once I could eat normal foods again, mission accomplished, and it was better than I could've done at home, plus no dishes and cleanup. I felt rested, but not bored. I look forward to Easter tomorrow.

We're moving...finally!

After much fear over our soon to be rising costs where we are, we finally got the call from the community we have been waiting on. Since December, I've waited for a 3 bedroom unit to open up. We need the larger one for all the closet space since there's still 5 of us until Adam can move out, but we had resigned for sake of timing, that we would accept the smaller 3 bedroom until. I got a call yesterday morning stating a smaller 3 bedroom was available. I was thrilled! It was on the second floor (which makes it a bit safer, right?), and it faced a quiet, tree-lined street, and was right in front of the office/clubhouse/pool building. I told the manager I'd take it. Within about an hour, she called back to say she had just been informed that a larger 3 bedroom was also coming available! It was in the other side I didn't like as much, it was in the back corner, has no washer and dryer, and it's on the first floor. It's also about $100/month more - but it may have a new kitchen. She wasn't sure. If it doesn't, the rent will be less. Although I like everything about the smaller unit better, the boys will pick up more bedroom square footage, we have a pantry in the kitchen, more balcony space, and 2 or 3 additional closets for storage so we don't need to rent a storage unit. That's good, because I've always felt that if you needed one, you have too much stuff. If it's because your living area is too small, than in most cases, having all that stuff usually means your living beyond what you can afford. Anyway, we get to move in about 8 weeks. That gives me plenty of time to acquire boxes and a few bins, pack up everything, give away everything we don't need, and make sure everything here is clean, looking like-new, and in proper working order. I'm so excited about this. For less than our rental increase, here's what we'll be adding: a pool, a spa, a clubhouse, a gym, basketball courts, horseshoe pits, tennis courts, roller hockey rink, 24 hour security/safety officers, bikes at the office that you can borrow to go out locally without using your car and gas, barbecue grills, a guard at the gate in the evening, and because of the income restrictions, we know you have to earn a certain amount to afford living there - so that should keep out the troublemakers. There's on-site laundry (although we'll need a washer & dryer upon moving in with a family our size and the boys needing work uniforms to be cleaned several times during the week). Our living room is about to expand, and we'll have a covered patio with privacy from high walls, gorgeous green grass in every direction, and mountain views off the back of the community. The best part is that we're still very close to where we are now, it's only about 2 to 3 miles away, so we'll get to stay in familiar territory and it won't affect the boys getting to work hardly at all. Let the countdown begin!

Easing into "normal" again...

With just a few days left before I get fitted for my permanent crown, and only a week before my next birthday, and with 8 days til Easter, and a new month coming up, and spring taking off...I'm slowly easing back into a "normal" life. March is a great month here in Arizona. It's cold enough to still count as winter, but the sun in warmer, the breeze is here for a few weeks as the seasons change, and grass is growing again. My back yard is all green again - it's so different when the yard looks like a yard instead of just dirt and rocks. We had very soft, thick, tall clover until Logan landscaped the yard last weekend. He spent two hours trimming, mowing, edging, and cleaning up the yard, and the front lawn (well, it's almost a lawn again). It's warm enough to keep our back doors open almost all day, every day right now. I love fresh air and a soft breeze carrying through the house. I made a bunch of homemade cleaners last night and did our spring cleaning. I'm trying to get rid of unnecessary chemicals in our home environment. With three teenagers, that's not easy. They have so much stuff! Body sprays, specific colognes, tons of body washes, piles of hair products, and lots of cologne. Getting them on board may not be possible right now, but I'm doing what I can. It's also a great season for visiting the local Farmer's Markets. Honestly, the prices are a lot higher than I expect when I get there, so I see what's local and in season, then go buy it at our Sprouts (natural and organic) grocery store. Right now I can get organic avocados for under a buck, 3 pounds of organic apples for just $2.50, organic bananas for anywhere from .69/lb down to just .49/lb, and more. I'm trying to get outside more and more, too. I realize that soon it'll be too hot to walk outside for extended periods of time, so now is the time to do it. I'm walking at the zoo, visiting more outdoor events, and walking in parks. I feel stronger and healthier every day. Soon I'll be back to normal.

Insomnia? or stress?

Once again I find myself up in the middle of the night. Actually, I've been up every night for the past three days. It's getting harder to function all day. I often wonder if I'm up most of the night because I have insomnia, or if it's stress related. Let's see what the past 90 days have been like... December, I broke a tooth that shirred off down to the root like a glacier. I found a wonderful dentist who was willing to fix it before the office closed for Christmas week. My normal dentist, whom I don't really like anyway, refused to see me for weeks, so I was very blessed to have found this new one. I was a stranger to her, yet she was willing to allow us to make payments for the $500 expenses, so that's also a blessing. Also, Tim's unexpected bonus came the day before I needed to pay the first half, so although I was in her chair for 3 hours, and it was uncomfortable, many blessings were given to me as well. Christmas was good, low stress, and full of peaceful, family time with Tim home longer than usual. January, I found out I needed a "crown lengthening" procedure before the dentist could give me a permanent crown. Apparently, I have short teeth. Anyway, the way our insurance policy works is that we have to pay the $1000 up front, submit to MEDICAL first, get denied, then submit to dental with the rejection letter. We're just getting back on our feet, Tim's in a new job, he broke a crown in the fall we hadn't paid off yet, and my temporary crown meant for two weeks would now have to last two months. That's stressful. We decided to apply for a credit card (that will live in the safe, but we'll have it for emergency medical/dental procedures) because there was no other way to save that much in less than 6 months. We were fortunate enough to get accepted, but it still took a month from application to receiving the card. Stressful. February, the temporary fell off. Not so bad, but the dental assistant didn't want it to fall off again. Since the oral surgeon was booked until almost 4 weeks later, she hollowed it out and pushed it down hard, aggravating a nerve. It was so thinned out that it blew out the back quarter from the pressure just 48 hours later. The office didn't want me to come in for a new one. It now didn't fit, was bulky, had an edge aggravating both my cheek and my tongue, and was thin like a contact lens, so it was pretty loose. I finally got my appointment for the crown lengthening surgery. It was twice what I was told it would be. Both sides of the gums had to be done, four incisions, 8 stitches, and 4 weeks of gum healing before I can go back to the dentist (and have to deal with that loose, broken temporary crown in the meantime). I'd say that's stress-related issues. I did find the blessing in the situation, though. My friends prayed for me before the procedure. I ended up with better than expected results and fast healing. Also, my sister and brother in law came in just a few days later to take my mind off the situation. We had a great time. That first week, I had a "cold pack" on the surgical site, which looked like silly putty on both sides of the gum. That helped that crown feel more normal and even, and the pack helped hold it on. I slept great for a week. March, I had my one week checkup where the cold pack gets removed. Now that the tooth is virtually "taller", the temporary crown is even worse. It's like a large mushroom cap, barely balancing on a taller stem. It's boxy, broken, and has me VERY stressed out! If it falls out, the dentist can't really touch the gums yet to put it back on. The oral surgeon can't really do anything else for it since it was made too thin and it's broken. So for the next 2 1/2 weeks, I'm stressed, sore, and up at night worrying about losing it. I'm not really finding the blessing in this one. So although I've had insomnia for my whole life, I still feel that maybe this time, it really is the stress. I've tried relaxation techniques, peaceful bedtime routines, wearing myself out during the day, lots of chamomile tea, over the counter sleep aids of various kinds, natural melatonin, and nothing seems to be working. Any ideas? I'm tired!

Jordan's sewing class

Jordan is so shy, scared to death of people, but by some strange miracle, she agreed to learn how to sew, one on one, with a friend of mine she barely knew. She's had about 7 or 8 classes so far. She's already made a small tote bag, a pair of pants (yes, a real pair of wearable pants!), a pillow made 18 squares sewn together, and today she's working on making two window valance curtains. Pretty amazing if you ask me. I know it can be a little intimidating being my daughter. I've an extrovert, very friendly, transparent, and willing to step up when a need arises. Very little scares me enough to stop me. I teach students, scrapbook classes, coupon classes, and anything else people ask me to do. I play drums (casually) when my kit isn't broken. I enjoy cooking for a crowd and entertaining. I write, can learn anything given enough time and some brief instruction, and I love people. Jordan, on the other hand, is an extreme introvert, not too friendly, private, quiet, afraid to be noticed, hates crowds, doesn't like to speak up in a class, and won't show off any of her talents to the public. Finding something she could do that would be "just her thing" wasn't easy. She enjoys baking, but that's not very healthy...how can it be, it involves white flour, white sugar, and shortening! I tried to persuade Jordan into baking using healthier ingredients and her attitude was, "Why bother?" Then she mentioned she'd like to be in fashion design, but didn't know how to do that without having to deal with the public. That got me thinking...sewing would be along those same lines, but she could do it in private! Come to find out, she DID have a big interest in learning how to sew! And she's great at it. We bought her a sewing machine for Christmas. It was a total surprise to her. She figured there wouldn't be enough money for one plus gifts for her brothers. You should've seen her almost in tears when we surprised her with it! Anyway, now she brings it to my friend's house to sew. She even made a pillow for her bed out of an old pair of pajama pants! It came out pretty good for a first attempt. The down side is that every week Tim asks her to sew some new project that she's never done (take old jeans and turn them into purses she can sell, reupholstering our kitchen chairs, etc). I don't want that to take the "fun" out of it for her. Once she gets down the basic techniques, she can work on her projects more and more at home, just calling her teacher for quick questions and advice. I think she's working on making a shirt as one of her next projects. After that, we'll have her work from home 2 or 3 weeks, and just come to class once a month. I'm really proud of Jordan. She can do something I can't do - and that makes me really happy.

This cough thing...

So I have this cough thing... For the past 18 years I've struggled with an over active immune system problem. It kept my immune system (both primary and backup systems) working round the clock. The good part of that was that for 18 years, I couldn't catch a cold. No, seriously. I could be around anyone with anything and never caught it. Not sure if I was a carrier or not, but I never got sick - no sniffles, sneezing, coughing, flu, nothing. I've spent the past 5 years or so working on normalizing my system through nutrition and prevention. It started with a high antioxidant health beverage called Monavie. I, like most people, was not eating 8 to 10 servings of natural fruit and vegetables every day. Do you know what happens when we don't eat like that? Our body doesn't have the building blocks it needs to repair and heal itself from life's attacks. My body slowly began to heal. I noticed the migraines were the first to leave, followed by the chronic fatigue bouts. Next I noticed my hair, skin, and nails looked better, my skin was better, and I had less issues with proteins (I was even allergic to too many proteins for years, long story). Anyway, as I began healing, I started making other life changes. I add more exercise now than I did in my 30s. I give myself permission to take naps when I didn't sleep the night before. I buy WAY more fruits and vegetables now, in fact, I eat a diet that's got to be at least 75% vegetarian. That I didn't plan, it just turns out that way. I also buy organic when possible, and don't keep things like chips, soda, cookies, and ice cream in the house. I make desserts and sweets "something you go get". If I get a craving for say, Oreos, at 9 at night, I'm NOT getting dressed, going out in the dark, parking in a dark parking lot, just to go get cookies. If they were already in the house, I'd eat more than I should, I'm sure. Anyway, back to this cough thing... A few months ago I had a total set of blood work done. I have brought myself to the exact center of the normal range in everything! That includes good/bad cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar, hormones, everything! But know what else that means? Now I can get sick! My son stayed at a friend's house for the weekend, then found out his friend had been sick all week. He brought the germs home and my daughter caught them, then so did I. Not knowing I could get sick again, and not realizing my son was already incubating this cough thing, I let him sleep in my queen bed while I was out of town with Tim for the night. That did it. I was sick, although the cough hadn't kicked in yet. Just tired, sore throat, and stuffiness. I took care of my sick daughter, who got the worst of it, for weeks. About a week ago, I too had developed This Cough Thing. At first I was kind of happy about being well enough that I could get sick, but that wore off after a few days without a voice. Now the past 3 or 4 days have been spent with 2 and 3 hour coughing fits, less sleep, and whenever I do anything, I feel winded, like when I was younger and had asthma issues. When I try to take a deep breath, I cough again for another hour. It's that unproductive, dry cough. Ugh! I've tried over the counter medicines, home remedies, teas, garlic, cinnamon, honey, you name it! I guess I'll just have to deal with this cough thing as long as it takes. There's no other symptoms now, it's not in my chest, I'm not wheezing, it's just a cough. But I guess it'll be easier to deal with it if I just remember that I'm "well" enough to get sick - and that's something to be thankful for, isn't it?

Reconnecting

Yesterday was a day of "reconnecting" with my oldest son. He lives in the house with us, but with everyone's busy schedules, sometimes we don't get much time to really talk and get to know each other better. He'll be 19 in another week, so he's in a period of rapid growth and maturity. Yesterday I was feeling tired and sick due to an on-going dental issue that's taking 10 times longer to fix than it should. (Don't you just love dealing with insurance companies?) Anyway, I was in the kitchen and he walked in. We needed to take some photos to submit for something and time was running out. I asked him if now was a good time to go do that. I planned on heading to the park on the next street as our background, but he chose a different spot. It gave us time to talk and walk together as we followed the path along the town lake (canal) looking for photogenic locations. After that I offered to drive to a larger park we hadn't been to in years. It would be the perfect place. We drove to the park, talking about more and more important topics as the day progressed. When we arrived at the park he was getting pretty deep with life objectives. It's amazing to me to see how much he's grown in the last 3 years. He went from a selfish, materialistic, immature teenager into a respectful young man with wisdom and convictions. It makes me really proud to listen to him as he invites me to see the world through his eyes. He has managed to see his own generation through a much more mature perspective. He often talks about how those in the 18 to 25 age group have no life skills, have been handed everything and now don't know how to make good decisions, whether they are financial decisions, relationship decisions, or even just making good choices. Yesterday the topic was how much he appreciates all we've done for him, and he understands the sacrifices that were made for something better, but he's been watching us. He said he doesn't want to end up like many adults who are in their 40s and find themselves victims of circumstances. He's seen his father change jobs often, he's known what it's like when we have no income for extended periods of time, he's shared in the suffering of the consequences of losing our home and having to quit our jobs to move to the middle of nowhere. What it's taught him has been amazing. He has a very hard work ethic that he inherited from his father, and for that he's thankful. He also has learned the importance of being prepared. He is the best money saver I know. He's very disciplined in having an "Emergency Fund" and savings cushion, more than most adults. He values the struggles we've had to endure because he recognizes the lessons to be found within them. It's helped him to see others' mistakes that will lead down a bad path later on. One of the most profound things he said was that he sees too many parents treating their children as if they were pets. They swear, smoke, and continue their bad habits in front of their young children, and instead of understanding they're raising a child they focus on teaching it tricks that are "cute", funny sayings, and dress them up in embarrassing outfits to take funny pictures. He commented how a young adult like himself should learn to watch their language, behavior, and actions now so that when the time comes to have kids, they will already be a good example for them. It really upsets him to see friends his age with kids already who either don't care enough to change, or try to change after the baby comes, so they slip up constantly. When we got home, we took more casual pictures just to have them. I don't think he had any idea how happy it made me, a scrapbooking picture-taker, who's been starved of her first-born's photos for years now, to be able to take 50+ pictures all at once, showing many sides of him. We even ended the day throwing a football back and forth. He had no idea I can throw a pretty good spiral and catch anything that comes near me. It was one of my best days in a long time - reconnecting with my oldest, first-born son, who's now a man. Here's some of the many pictures we took:

Settling into 2013

Is the middle of January a little too late to "settle into" a new year? I don't think so. I think there's a period of adjustment that had to take place for me. I'm still doing the single-parent thing while my husband's all over the country driving. I have 3 teenagers who all have unique personalities, interests, and activities that somehow always tend to involve my time, gas, and vehicle. I now work 3 to 6 days a week doing Mystery Shops. I put at least a few hours every week into my couponing so I can save 50 to 100% on our groceries. I have bills and budgets to juggle. I've got a house to take care of and keep up with, and did I mention my three teenagers?! Then there's the homeschooling with two of them, Monday through Friday, from 8:30 AM until lunchtime. And the planning, and grading, and preparing for ACT testing, next year applications for city classes, college groundwork, scheduling, and all the reading I have to do to stay ahead of what they're doing. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I'm also starting up again in my bible study where I'm a student, and my second study where I'm the facilitator/teacher. No wonder I haven't slept in 2 weeks! The good news is, I took a different approach this year. Instead of jumping in, like usual, I decided to ease into my Mystery Shops, focus on only what's really important for school, update and streamline my coupons, and change a class for one of my kids to ease our schedule a bit every other week. Instead of handling all the above stuff at once, then feeling guilty about all the exercise I haven't had time to do - I'm easing into all of it. I add what I can to each day but I PRIORITIZE much better than I used to do. I make sure all the important things get done FIRST. Then I do all the "should do" things. After that, I do the "better get an early start on these" things. Last, and I do mean the very last things, I do the short bursts of recreational and rest things. I actually planned to go nowhere today so I could try to take a nap to make up for the 4 hours of sleep I've been getting. Normally I could do okay on 4 hours, but they aren't in a row. I'm building in things like a "field trip" to the zoo so I can get in a couple of miles on walking in the nicer weather. I don't have time for Facebook games like I did when we lived in isolation. And I'm perfectly okay with that. I don't really miss it. I play now and then while I'm waiting on something, or grabbing a snack where I actually sit down for a few minutes. Nothing more than that. By the end of this month, I believe I will have accomplished many of the things I was hoping to do. I've already got a pretty good start. No more guilt over all the things others say I should be doing. Just making sure what's most important gets done first. The rest I simply let go of. If it's still important tomorrow, it'll make that list. If it turns out to be less important than I originally thought, it gets reprioritized further down the list. And you know what? I'm happy.

Happy New Year - 2013!

Here we are at the start of a New Year again. Actually, it's already almost a full week into 2013, is that insane, or what?! This year holds so much, doesn't it? It holds promise, hope, and a better future if we choose to make it that way. I know we can't expect an entire year to be protected from the world, and no doubt, it'll have its own share of heartbreaks, health issues, tragedies, and challenges, as every year does, but standing here at the threshold of a new year you DO have some choices: Choose to be thankful. Appreciate what you have and be content instead of focusing on what you don't have. Choose to find joy. Don't focus on the mistakes of the past, but instead, focus on finding just one happy moment every day, or once a week, or at the very least, once a month. Choose to be a friend. Instead of going out looking for who your real friends are, go out seeking to be the best friend you can be and you'll find more friends than you expected. Choose to take control of your health in areas that are still in your control. Add some exercise now and then, cut out sugars and junkfoods when possible, change how much water you drink, etc. Small changes can add up to a lot. Take baby steps, then bigger steps, then giant leaps in the right directions, and you'll find yourself here next year looking back with fond memories of 2013. Good luck.