Living Simply

This blog has developed into a blog about living a more simple life, as well as minimalism. Hopefully it will give you ideas how to simplify your life and get the most out of it.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Living simply challenge Day 11: MYOB/gossip

     How much stress, anxiety and frustration comes from being involved in other people's drama? You get up and the kids are racing to you so they can be the first to tell you their side of a situation they expect you to judge and rule. I don't know if kids are just born knowing this or not, but people do tend to believe whatever they hear FIRST. Think about it. You hear a story about a famous person or someone who did something that got people's attention, then when you hear a contradictory story you're more likely to be skeptical the second time through it. First doesn't make it true.

     On your way to work you listen to the radio, so passively (unless you decided to) you listen to news stories they report. Another famous person got arrested, another one's in trouble for breaking laws, another is in the news for some crazy thing they said or did, then there's never a good financial report, or on international affairs, or what the government's proposing, banning, vetoing or passing. It's all very stressful, negative information - and it takes a physical, mental, and emotional toll on everyone who reads or hears about it.

     At work you probably will experience on any given day, a boss talking about corporate's bad decisions, coworkers fighting over something, or the latest gossip that someone at work messed up. It's very rare to escape the drama in the workplace, regardless of the size of the business.

     On the way home it's another round of radio in the car, then you come home to what everyone in your family has dealt with, heard, and seen all day. More drama. More tension. Even as you try to unwind, your phone goes off with more drama or pressure.

     To live simply, what if you just let it all go? Did you even know that's an option? It really is! You can make small decisions that lead to a more simple life. One with less drama, gossip, frustration, tension, anxiety, and stress. You can choose to have your kids know you will not be taking sides. They either solve their issue or both will be handed consequences. That usually motivates them to pursue lots of creativity. You could choose what you listen to on the way into work. It could be a podcast of your favorite speaker, or uplifting music, or a self-help audio book, or a cd that relaxes you. Don't be at the mercy of a DJ as to what goes into your head. YOU decide. At work, you could walk away from the gossip and back stabbing. No really, literally WALK AWAY. When people figure out that you refuse to be dragged into other people's problems, they'll stop bringing them to you. They mostly do it for their own attention anyway. Choose what you listen to on the way home. And then, when you're home, turn off notifications on your phone, relax with your family, and when they try to draw you in with gossip, you could respond with something like, "Well, that's none of my business so I'll just stay out of it."  That shuts down most of it pretty quickly.

     Sometimes you're in conversation with someone and the same garbage starts. You have to be firm enough to again tell them you'd rather mind your own business. You aren't anyone's judge or boss. Step back from getting into the family drama. When the person starts with, "Did you hear...." and it's beginning to sound like gossip, stop them before it gets going. Tell them you aren't going to get all worked up over someone else's drama that has nothing to do with you.

     Once you eliminate the people who thrive on this kind of behavior (especially on social media - you can unfollow people without unfriending or blocking them), your world will become more calm. Once work is a place where things are actually getting done instead of a place run like a grammar school playground, you can focus and get more done, or do a better job without the extra distractions. Once your family understands you won't be joining in the drama, they'll stop bringing it to you (although sometimes this one takes a little longer with extended family).

     Live a simple life. Intentionally focus on how you want to live. If it's without drama that really doesn't concern you nor change your world - avoid it. You have the power to control it. If you still need help on this, I recommend a great book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It's about how to protect your boundaries but not in a way that's rough or offensive to others trying to step over them.

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