When I say the word community, what comes to mind? Do you think of a bunch of strangers who happen to live in the same town or city? Do you picture a neighborhood where you recognize who comes and goes but don't know them all that well? Do you picture your teammates on a team? Do you think of people in your group or class that you signed up for recently? Or is it something more...more intimate...more personal...people that you do life with on a regular basis?
For today's purposes, I'm going to challenge you to think about the last kind of community - people you know very well. People who have been through some stuff with you. People who know just by looking at you what you're feeling today. I'm talking about your personal "inner circle" of friends and family, your community.
If you already have a great community surrounding you, then maybe today's challenge will be to simply appreciate them, or do something nice for them, or get together with them sometime soon. That could be as easy as picking up doughnuts and everyone meeting at someone in the community's house together for coffee. Or it could be taking a few minutes to just send them a Thank You card for being there.
If you don't have a community, let's help you take a few baby steps to build one. As always, we'll do this intentionally, purposefully, giving it a lot of thought and consideration so that it becomes a worthwhile part of your world. Here's what questions you can ask yourself:
1. Who do I have something in common with? This could be people in your neighborhood or even building if you're in a condo or apartment. It could be people at work, other sports fans, other musicians if that's your thing, others who you know have taken a class you've taken like a painting party or woodworking or cooking. It could be people who also like camping. Maybe it's people you already share small talk with at places you frequent, like your favorite coffee shop.
You could start a conversation with them about whatever it is you share with them, then ask if they'd like to get together outside of the usual setting to talk more about it, or take in a class or exhibit locally that focuses on it, or to a lecture on that topic. Just don't be creepy about it, lol. If you're a 50 year old single guy, be careful how you ask the 18 year old single young lady so she knows your intentions aren't anything weird. Ladies, don't act like you're trying to pick up someone's husband. Maybe if you know the person you want to get to know is married or has a significant other, as them both to meet up with you. If you're married or have a significant partner, you probably should bring them the first time too.
2. How do I find like minded people that I don't know now? If I wanted to find other minimalists, I'd go to www.TheMinimalists.com (or on their social media account) and ask them if there's a meet up group in my area. If I want to find others interested in cooking, I'd take a class and intentionally find someone to become friends with similar to myself (to keep things appropriate). If I wanted to find people who believe in being financially in good shape, I'd find others through a Dave Ramsey class offered in lots of churches and community centers. Like to read? Maybe meet someone in a library. Love baseball? Go to a sporting event and strike up a conversation with a few people at the game. In my case, I went to a game locally to check out the minor leagues during the fall season and found dozens of baseball fans who are now friends.
3. Want to meet people who live closer to you? Many times we work somewhere that's not close to home so we have work friends but can't get together often since you live in opposite directions from work, too far away from each other. What if you started walking over to your neighbor when getting the mail or cutting the lawn instead of just waving? What if you took a free class at your local library? Could you find something of interest at your community center? Is there a local group that meets you could join? Make the effort to meet those near you and you could end up with someone close enough that you do a lot more together.
4. What about church? If you've been reading this blog you know I never try to tell people who they should be or what they should do. I do however find my church community adds tremendous value to my life. We are people with a common core value, something that not only defines who we are but dictates our actions as well (we're all far from perfect and don't claim to be, but we try, fail, and get back up heading in the right direction hoping over time we'll be a better person, especially towards others, than we were when we started). If you have a home church, then you have a great place to start just reaching out to get to know people. Usually churches offer small group settings, classes, and studies to join - often an little to no cost - where you can find people to share this life with, find encouragement, and grow. If you aren't a church going person, is it something you might consider trying? Check out ones near you online that you feel may be an okay fit to try. Usually church websites have an "About Us" or "Check Us Out" tab that tells you a little about what they believe or follow. It's a great place to start, especially because many people, even casual attenders, tend to be on better behavior in church than anywhere else to a newcomer.
Whatever you decide, find some people you can get to know better. We all need friends, but to live a simple life without all the fake facades, drama, and issues, choose wisely, intentionally. I try very hard not to judge people by anything other than their actions, and part of what they say. (If they're a bad fit for you, a conversation may be enough to set off a warning flag inside you). Choose people who seem genuine, who are sensitive to the needs of others - basic consideration is important. Choose people who you would feel comfortable inviting to your home or introducing to an important friend or relative or boss. Avoid people you already suspect may be deceitful, who you know lie and gossip behind others' backs, or those you know are in a world you don't want to be a part of, like someone you know breaks the law or is abusive to others. You don't need to deal with that when you're just trying to get your feet wet building a new community of people.
The effort is so worth it when you find the right group of people. The best part is they can all be from the same circle for you, or you could have half a dozen close friends from different interest groups that don't have to know each other. Friends, having a community around you, enhances your life, helps you grow, and if you choose wisely, it can help you become more than you thought you could become. You never know until you try. Living simply doesn't mean being a hermit. It means being a blessing to the world and others, and letting them be a blessing to you.
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