Have you ever?

It's obviously been a crazy 3 months, and an even scarier few weeks. I removed myself from social media for a while because I couldn't stand the hatred, violence, and arrogance anymore. I have figured out that many people believe ONLY their opinion is right. If you agree with them 99.99%, it's not enough for them. You must parrot their opinion or be treated harshly. If this were just the case with one or two people, or even just those on one side of an argument, then it would be easier to dismiss as just a flaw in that person's character, but unfortunately, it's a wide-spread problem. I have watched from a distance and listened to many, many opinions on everything from Covid-19 "facts" and "lies", to the handling of a wrongful death by a corrupt man, to how the nation should move forward. What I've found is that instead of finding viable solutions, too many just want to take advantage of the situation, bully others, use events as excuses for releasing the worst in human beings, and many do nothing more productive than spew their own opinions from the safety of their homes and cell phones. Are these people shouting the loudest actually standing in the June heat side by side with protesters? Are they calling their family and friends caught up in these events asking them, "How would you have me help?", are they on the phone to their senators, congressmen, and governors? Or are they just condemning, shaming, and bullying others on social media?

My own opinions are just that, mine. I am entitled to them just as others strongly dictate that theirs are "superior" to everyone else. I won't comment on the Covid-19 issues because I know it totally depends on what state you live in, how it's being handled, your population vs square miles ratios, and it matters if you're a nurse or doctor dealing directly with infected patients vs someone who's never met anyone who got it, and don't even know OF a person your friends and family know who's had it.
It's a very different opinion based on those and other factors.

Want to make a real difference? Let's play a game...Have you ever?.......

Sat with someone raised in a village so poor they barely had a roof and dirt floor and listen to their perspective on things?

Spent hours with someone brought to this country as a 2 week old, and now as a 19 year old may have to lose her 2 full-time jobs, family, friends, and give up her college classes because any minute now a law may be signed to deport her to a country she's never been to because of someone else's mistake in how they brought her to America? BTW, she receives no government assistance, no scholarships or money for school, and does not qualify for any programs here.

Listened to someone who's Native American and works hard for everything he has, working 2 full-time jobs to feed his family while everyone thinks "they ALL get free casino money they spend on alcohol and drugs"? His answer is yes, many (but only certain tribes) do get money, and do waste it on those things, but that's not the case for everyone, and certainly not him or his family.

Taken the time to hear the stories of teens kicked out of their homes and left on the streets, homeless, because of their parents' views on LGBTQ? Before you say you have - what I'm talking about is a straight young lady who got kicked out for saying, "Aren't we supposed to be nice to everyone?" when parents disowned her sister for being a lesbian. Her statement about being nice got her thrown out and cut off.

Been part of a group of young adults who are smart, dedicated to serving, and working hard - who happen to be White, Black, Asian, Native American, Latino, Hispanic, Straight, Lesbian/Gay, Bi, Atheist, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, and Pagan - YET it never came up or caused conflict? All pulled together with mutual respect, trust, and love, working toward the same goals and purpose. They treated each other as one family, closer than family in some cases.

Actually taken time to write to your political leaders not to complain, criticize, and condemn them, but to offer possible solutions?

Participated in a peaceful protest where the focus is to help others, not just rage against people? Did you carry a sign being disrespectful, shaming, or condemning people or did your sign promote the solution you were hoping for? There's a huge difference!

Stayed up through the night talking with someone who was suicidal, encouraging them that they're not alone and you'll be there with them no matter what?

Given up your time to volunteer for a group or organization you say you stand with or believe in? Actually putting in work?

Opened your wallet and given to an actual stranger in need? or did you tell yourself, "They'd probably just blow it on booze."

Secretly put together a team of people to fill the needs of a particular person or family, making sure they had food, money, clothing, baby supplies, or whatever else they needed - WITHOUT any way for them to find out who helped them? It's not about recognition.

Consoled a friend who's caught up in domestic violence, being abused, and she's convinced if she stays, she's be murdered, but if she leaves, he'll find her and she'll be murdered?

Spoken to the young men and women who were sold into human trafficking by their own family or (supposed) boyfriends? Have you ever had to respond to someone looking you in the eye telling you they were sold to men at parties at seven or eight years old?

As you can see, there are true, real things we can all do to make a real difference in the lives of people; things that are more beneficial than burning down a city block leaving the very people you hope to help - helpless. We can do more than murdering others to "pay back" for a wrongful murder by a corrupt person. There are better solutions than complaining, criticizing, condemning, and bullying others on social media. Our nation needs many changes, but these things will never bring the changes we need.

What will YOU do to make a REAL difference in the life of someone else?

Ready for the New Year, and a New Chapter in My Life

Here we are, just 9 days until Christmas, and barely 2 weeks to 2020. What will change for me in 2020 as I begin this new chapter in my life?

1.  As of now, I haven't met my first grandbaby yet. He's coming to visit so as January 1st rolls around, I'll have met him, held him, played with him, and taken tons of photos of him since he lives almost 1800 miles away!

2.  I will be starting at a new university to finish my bachelor's degree in 1 year.

3.  At the end of 2020, we're putting our home up for sale and downsizing. Our kids are all hard-working, independent adults who support themselves and pay a little rent here. They're ready to move on and we're ready to have a smaller mortgage, taking pressure off my husband while I'm in school.

4.  Our yearly vacation won't be a cruise to the Caribbean to check out new islands this coming year. Instead we'll use our vacation time and resources to go visit our kids and grandson in another state here in the U.S. Hopefully we'll get 7 to 10 days with them while we explore where they do life.

5.  I'm transitioning from the President of the Honor Society on campus to being the new person in the National Society of Collegiate Scholars at the university.

6.  I will have more free time than ever in my college career so far, taking just 4 classes instead of 5 or 6, only being on campus 2 days a week instead of 4 or 5. Fortunately, it's just far enough from home that it's not worth the 20+ mile drive unless I have a full day of classes to attend.

7.  Although I'm a minimalist, not everyone I live with is, and I've had responsibilities that kept me from being as minimalist as I'd like. In 2020, because of the downsizing, I'll be able to truly minimize things. I'll pack boxes almost every week and label them either who they're going to or donating the items where they can do the most good. Not a lot to actually throw away since we minimalized everything not too long ago.

8.  Hopefully, with the extra time, less stress, and more knowledge, my improving health will be better than ever. Still having issues with Hashimoto's and cortisol not letting me lose weight even on a gluten-free vegan diet, so we're "experimenting" with foods that have a similar construction to gluten chemically. We'll figure this thing out. Medication keeps things stabilized, but it's proven to not be the solution.

9.  I'll be switching teaching my bible studies from Friday to Monday, which frees me up to attend lots of Women Rising events I had to miss the last two semesters. It's a great organization to foster leadership, sisterhood, and empowerment. It's NOT a feminist or man-bashing organization (that's what I thought by the name when I first heard it). It's a group that focuses on issues important to women and support.

10.  Lastly, I'm sure I'll make lots of new friends this year. I make lots of friends every semester. Maybe I'll make less since I'll only be on campus 8 days a month and won't be so involved in campus events, but that's okay too. I could use a bit more time to relax and let my health recover.

What will 2020 hold for you? What are you looking forward to? What changes do you think you'll be going through? I'd love to hear from you!

Funny Things I Noticed Recently

 This is especially funny on minivans.

 This t-shirt made me laugh out loud.

 True story!

 These would look so good on people I know...I think my Christmas shopping is half done.

For those that are late for everything, we're just "lucky" they made it on the right day.

 Funny bumper sticker.

 Another true story.

 Okay, nothing like truth in advertising.

 Actually picture that one for a minute.

 Yeah, it got me too.

 This is the most useless sign ever. See the beauty in this? The sign is needed to prevent you from banging your head on it, but if it wasn't there in the first place, you wouldn't hit your head on it. Well played.

 This has to be from somewhere in Massachusetts.

 Again, without putting the sign up, there's no need for the sign - I find this funny.

Emotional Auto-Pilot

     It's always amazing to me when someone dies, how an entire family's world comes to a dead halt, nothing else matters in that moment, yet all around them, the rest of the world just keeps spinning on and on, people go about their lives, like it's any other day.

     At times, it makes me want to scream for them to stop and realize something serious is happening. Other times, I wish I was like them, living like it's any other day, and my relative or friend is still doing fine.

     Let's talk about the mini breakdown moments...there I am, going about my usual business, and the sadness comes out of nowhere and I skip a breath, my eyes well up with tears, I feel my lip quivering, and I'm thinking, "Not now, I'm out in public" or "I'm about to get up in front of people to speak." When I let it happen, it lasts just a few seconds and it's gone. Almost as quick as a sneeze you feel building up, then all at once you sneeze and it's over. When I hold it back, however, there's a sharp pain in the top of my head. Is this normal? Before I can wonder about that, it vanishes. I resume what I was doing but wonder how long before it will happen again.

     I don't think I'm alone in this. I believe this happens to others when dealing with grieving, divorce, worry over a loved one, situations feel hopeless, etc. It's so weird in that moment. It's like my mind and body are working together but they didn't send me the memo. It's like I'm just along for the ride and my mind and my body will continue to react to the loss and I'll just keep being surprised by it.

     I know from experience that when you lose a loved one it does get easier to get through the day as time goes on, but you don't forget the love, the memories, and the last words you shared. But you know what? Today is not that day! So here I am, thinking, grieving, trying to shut it down if only for a few brief moments so my head will stop hurting. Eventually, it will get better. And that's the hope I hold onto.

My Grandmother Just Died.

We all have that day we dread when someone we love dies. Mine is today. My grandmother just died, surrounded by several family members holding her hand, peacefully, while I'm over 2600 miles away  - and I  have all these random thoughts:

I should've spent more time with her
Why didn't I take more pictures of us together.
Why am I now recalling every opportunity I had to be with her and didn't.
Did she think of me as often as I thought of her?
Did she know how much I loved her, even though miles kept us separated for years at a time?
What should I have said to her sooner?
I hope I know enough about her and her life to share those memories with others.
There were so many times I needed her and she was there.
I'm picturing how each family member is feeling, thinking, and doing at this moment.
It will be so different at family gatherings now.
Those closest are going to be devastated for a long time.
She will be missed so much by so many.
I'm thankful her family was surrounding her, filling the room, telling her they/we love her.
I'm glad she was comfortable and at peace in the end.
We had no idea she'd breathe on her own for so long, but it gave everyone that extra chance to say         they love her.
I have so many good memories with her.
I remember the time when ......
I can't believe this is happening.
Her signs of aging and struggles are over now and that makes me happy for her.
I feel guilty wanting selfishly for her to get through this - but she just isn't this time.
I feel sick.
What now?

Be Who You Needed at that Age

     One of the things I'm known on campus for is being a Mom to a lot of my friends and classmates (because most are between 18 and 30). I love that title. I love being there to provide help, support, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, or the "answer lady" who knows how to answer their questions, or at least how to find them. This definitely has nothing to do with me being some great, wise person or anything. It's about taking the time to notice when someone is struggling. It's about using my decades of life experiences and failures to help steer others in the right direction, avoiding traps whenever possible. And I bet most of you reading this have a lot to offer others around you too.

     Think back to when you were a young adult, newly out on your own...no, seriously, I want you to stop and think about what it was like when the adult world was new to you:  paying rent, paying your own bills (especially utilities, phones, etc.) You may have struggled with how to pick a roommate that didn't steal your stuff, bring losers back to your "home", or didn't leave everything a total mess for you to pick up after them. Maybe your struggles were trying to figure out how to shop, cook, and feed yourself 24/7 for the first time. Maybe you had to learn to do your own laundry for the first time. Did you struggle in college? What about needing relationship advice? Did you wonder if you should stay in a relationship or "end it now" at some point?

     For some, it was much more harsh. Some came from a background so bad they were thrown into the adult world without a safety net. No money saved up. No help from family. A job that barely paid the bills IF nothing unusual happened, like getting a flat tire.

     I have been there with these young adults through family and friends that were suicidal, unexpected death of loved ones, losing a pet they've had since they were little, parents' divorces, their own divorce, health issues, getting thrown out of their home (NOT their fault), trapped living with abusive partners, depression and suicidal thoughts, strapped financially so badly that they can't feed themselves or may be getting thrown out of their apartment in a matter of days. The list goes on and on. People around you are hurting too if you just take a moment to look around and notice people. What can YOU do?

     When you were that age, and you were going through struggles, what did YOU need most? I don't mean winning the lottery, or a fairy with 3 wishes...seriously...what did you need? Was it someone who's been there and could help you reason out a logical conclusion and action step? Was it someone to let you sleep on their sofa for a few nights while they figure out where to go to escape a dangerous relationship? Was it a ride and a friend to stay with them while they sign up for the needed assistance they qualify for? (This may seem controversial to some, but if you're working and you still can't make ends meet, temporary assistance exists for those situations. Sometimes the working partner walks out leaving the full time college student, and possibly children, unexpectedly with zero income. Please don't promote stigmatization of programs designed to help people through a temporary rough time, especially food assistance for those going hungry because they have to choose between food and keeping their home.) Maybe you needed an older person telling you it was okay to end a relationship that was detrimental to you? Maybe you just needed someone to listen - someone to care - especially when you felt alone in your situation?

     So why not be that person for someone else? Don't think everything is "someone else's problem". Reach out and be that light in a darkening world. Help someone else with a hand up when they stumble. Let them know they matter to at least one person in this world. It's not your job to fix them, but we all have a responsibility to one another to help where we can. Can you refer them to a suicide hotline? Can you give them a ride to a food pantry so they don't have to carry a heavy box for a mile in hot weather? Can you buy them a lunch if they're hungry - or share yours? Can you share your experiences or those of others you know who successfully got through their situation?

     It doesn't take much. You don't have to change the whole world, you're just one person. But you can change one person's whole world by just being there. Peace.

Letting Go of the Guilt

     For most of my life, it was drilled into me by others' actions, words, and attitudes, that if you rest when you're tired, you're lazy. If you're a stay at home, homeschooling mom, you're job isn't that important because there's no paycheck attached to it. And I'm sorry to say, I bought into the lies.

     I spent twenty years raising my three kids to adulthood while homeschooling them all the way through from preschool to graduation. Before you ask if I'm qualified, the answer is yes. I learned and taught seven to eight subjects per child per year for twelve years or more each. That's much harder than teaching the same curriculum, for example, fourth grade math, over and over, year after year. In the end, I know see all three thriving in their endeavors, smarter than the people around them, and getting recognized in their jobs and college classes for it.

     During those years, I felt "useless". No matter how many hours I spent on the kids' education, which was usually around forty hours a week with planning, teaching, correcting, and hands on learning in museums and other venues, I was still looked down on by those around me because they earned a paycheck and I didn't.

     Friends and relatives made me feel dumb for struggling on one paycheck when I could "simply put them in free public school, go get some job, and then use the extra money to buy stuff". They never understood that the stuff was never as important to me as raising three kids into self-sufficient, responsible adults who would be leaders instead of followers, set and reach their goals, and would be productive members of society. I didn't want three adults in their twenties who sat home without cars or jobs, playing video games all day, waiting for someone else to feed them and do their laundry. No amount of stuff could compare with that in my mind. But I felt very alone in the process.

     Another hurdle was the whole resting thing. I spent decades getting up before dawn, going to bed last, working on things all day long, and had terrible insomnia. For years I had to force myself to get everything done on just two or three hours of sleep - and never in a row! If I stopped to sit down and watch a half hour tv show, everyone looked at me like, "We're working (at this minute, anyway), why aren't you?!" I was made to feel guilty for resting when I was tired. The results of that? I've had a host of health issues related to stress and lack of sleep. Everything from auto immune diseases, chronic fatigue, lactic acid buildup issues, high blood pressure, migraines, internal hives on my intestines, inflammation in my entire body, heart palpitations, and more. I didn't give my body what it needed to rest.

     Over time I slowly had more time to myself as the kids grew up, got jobs, went to college, etc. Just when I was feeling like I could finally breathe and heal my body, everyone starting asking, "What are you going to do now? Where will you go get a job with only a high school diploma from so many years ago? You don't just expect to stay home and "do nothing", do you?" Wow. Seriously? Can I have a minute to breathe?

     After some serious assessment of my health, mental capacity, and responsibilities I still had, I decided to go back to college. Just so you know, going back to school just shy of fifty is very intimidating. Think about it. When I was 19, colleges used books, and paper, and pens. Now it's all ebooks, online resources, programs for everything, power points, ted talks, presentations, and computers. But I figured I can learn anything if given a chance and shown how, so off I went to college. It's been a great two years, I now have my Associate's degree, and in the next 16 months, I'll have my Bachelor's. And yes, I'll be pursuing a Master's degree too. I've made great friends, mostly with teachers, but also with some fantastic students. I've maintained a 4.0 GPA (with lots of prayer and help), and I love being in a learning environment surrounded by so many diverse cultures and backgrounds. It's been very rewarding.

     Last semester almost killed me. I had too much on my plate, something I thought I learned not to do, but old habits creep back in when you least expect it. Stay vigilant. I had mental meltdowns, emotional days of doubts, sleepless nights of worrying about my grades, and in the process, I felt guilty if I tried to rest. Know what that got me? Not only hypothyroidism, but full-blown Hashimoto's disease. Couple that with other biological changes at my age and it set off a train wreck of chain reactions. I found myself with health problems in my thyroid, auto immune system, cortisol levels, adrenal fatigue, exhaustion, insomnia, rapid weight gain (from thyroid not working properly), vision started to decline, and other issues I won't bore you with here.

     Once it was done, graduation was over, I went on a much needed and well deserved vacation for almost two weeks. It was crazy how hard it was for me to shut down my mind and just "be" every day. It took a while, but it worked. I was finding some sort of stable norm again.

     Why tell you all this? Because of what I learned, and what I hope you will too if you have a similar story. Take the time to rest. When I got back from vacation, it truly felt like I was in someone else's mind and body. It was like the whole world was moving in slow motion after so many months (years) pushing full speed ahead. I decided that I better take this summer and force myself to REST. It's my only chance to truly heal my body and hope to have any type of quality future. I began by taking daily naps during vacation. After vacation, I wasn't into naps as much, but I focused on sleeping better. I went to bed early or late, rising earlier or later, totally depending on listening to my body every single day and finding out what I needed at the time. I realized our bodies' needs change on a day to day basis. I also decided to let go of EVERYTHING that I was not directly responsible for or to someone. I stopped trying to work my way through a thirty item daily task list. I learned to rest, breathe, pray and meditate on positive things, focus on eating only what will heal my body (which for me, with my health issues, is a soy-free, gluten-free, plant-based, vegan diet). I learned to focus every single day on thinking about and doing things to gently heal my broken body. I'm decluttering not just the spaces around me, but also in my digital, relational, and mental spaces.

     If you find yourself on a hamster wheel wondering how you'll ever find the time to get "well" again, I have a few action steps for you:

1.  Pick a time in the near future to "rest". Maybe it's a vacation you've earned. Maybe it's at the end of a project or segment of your job is done. Maybe it's during the slow season in your career. Whenever it is, pick that as a start date to start getting well again.

2.  Clear your calendar and mind of all that is unnecessary. This means saying NO to other people's needs when it totally throws your day, health, and plans off. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that will happen if you don't do "this one thing" - and if the answer is nothing, or only that someone else won't like it, then say no, let it go, and move on. I'm not a "look out for number one" type of person, but there are times when you need to step back, assess the situation, and do what you must to protect yourself.

3.  Add things into your day, week, or month that are healing. Maybe a vacation or even a quick getaway locally, go for a walk in the woods, spend time on a beach, sit by a mountain lake, or if you have a favorite hobby you miss, then plan a time to get back to it. Plan to take a nap if you need it or sleep in if you know your body is begging for more sleep to heal itself. Plan alone time to just unwind, relax, think in peace and quiet. This isn't the time to binge watch Netflix or Hulu. It's the time to be creative, or to shut it all down and enjoy the silence.

I hope you will find your own peace. But whatever you do, let go of the guilt.

A New Season of My Life

     I realize I haven't posted in 8 months. Sorry. I've been working frantically at my Associates's degree, getting used to having my mother and brother living with us, creating an honor society chapter on campus that was just about dissolved, becoming part of another group, and so much more! Here's some bullet points of my life since then:

• I graduated with my daughter! We both earned our Associate's Degree and I did it with a 4.0 GPA. She had a 3.9 because of a 2 bad teachers' grading of a particular thing.
• I went to Puerto Rico, on a Caribbean cruise, then back to Puerto Rico
• I totally unified, rebuilt, and grew the campus' Phi Theta Kappa honor society with a lot of hard work from some great members and an amazing advisor
• I spent 2 1/2 days at a retreat teaching and planning with my officers to make 2019 the best year yet
• I joined up with Women Rising on campus to help create and unify a sisterhood, support system for women on campus
• I'm teaching my brother how to drive.
• I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's after telling my doctor my thyroid isn't working right for a year, then a new doctor did bloodwork and found over 10 things wrong related to thyroid function. She said I wouldn't have Hashimoto's if the other doctor caught this sooner.
• I'm heading to New England soon to celebrate my daughter's Graduation and 21st Birthday.
• I'm going to be a "Mimi" this fall - our 1st grandbaby.
• I'm accepted, enrolled, and transferring to a new college in January (building up credits at community college prices first) where I'll only need 1 year/9 classes, to earn a Bachelor's.
• I'm loving plant-based eating. I feel so much better, and after reading The China Study, I believe eating meat and dairy every day may be the leading cause of cancer.

     So where am I at now? Enjoying the rest of my summer, I have an easier than ever fall semester, I'm excited about the Phi Theta Kappa and Women Rising events this fall, I'm expecting my Hashimoto's to get better, and I'm back to living simply after an absolutely overwhelming semester.

     Hopefully I'll be back on here regularly again. We can talk about health, minimalism, education, faith, politics, who knows? What I do know is that I will continue to encourage others on their own path to always take baby steps toward their goals and live intentionally. Talk to you soon.

Fall Cleaning!

   

     Hard to believe time flew by so quickly! This semester of college has been intense. I figured if I handled 15 credits fairly easily, how hard could 18 be? It's totally different - especially with an online class because the class doesn't move forward until you do - no lecture or lab.

     Anyway, it's fall (or will be officially in another 2 weeks or so). It's time to do a little fall decluttering/cleaning. Here's a few tips that take under 10 minutes. This way you can pick a few at a time when you get a few minutes instead of having to spend a weekend stuck in the house.

1.  Kitchen:  Clean out your pantry or cabinets. Time to toss those outdated items you know you will never use. Many products are perfectly fine past their "best if used by" dates if they have not been opened. If something has not expired yet but you know it will not be used because of dietary changes or no one liked the last one, donate it. Also, go through your condiments in the fridge to see if anything else needs to be replaced or tossed out.

2.  Bedrooms:  Change out your sheets, blankets, and comforters for the warmer ones if you live in a cold climate. Pull out a few blankets for overnight guests. If you keep some clothes in storage, now is a good time to switch those over - find those warm pajamas.

3.  Lawn care:  If you live where it is cold and need to fertilize your grass, now is the time. If you live where it stays warm, now is the season to consider planting your winter grass. Rake the lawn for curb appeal.

4.  Carpets:  Have your carpets cleaned if you have not done that this year. Replace air filters if necessary. Dust your throw rugs/runners (outside).

5.  Closets:  Change wardrobe over if necessary. Find things to donate you have not worn in months and know you won't. Pull out boots if you live where it gets cold. Find mittens, hats, scarves, winter coats, etc.

6.  Bathrooms:  Wipe down the baseboards, wash the floors, change the curtain liners if they're getting dirty/moldy.

7.  Wash windows or have them washed, depending on your home and if you have a second or third story.

8.  Clean out your vehicle, inside and out. Put water resistant product on your windshield to help when the precipitation falls.

9.  Throw away anything lurking in your garage, attic, or basement you have been meaning to throw away.

10.  Your schedule:  This is either when it gets cooler where you live, or you may be down to your last few weekends of nice weather before it gets icy cold. Schedule days or at least a few hours to enjoy the nice fall weather. Get out and do fun fall-related events. Plan time for family and friends.

It's almost fall and I'm back

My apologies to those who were reading this blog in about 15 countries. I needed to prioritize some things for about a month. I finished up my summer online classes which meant I needed study time and to take my finals for them. I also started a full 18 credit load of fall classes the very next week. Last weekend was my only chance to get away for a few days until after Christmas - so I took advantage of it. We went to San Diego, California and had a great time.

Now I'm in the typical swing of things and I'm ready to blog again, at least on a weekly basis.

People write to me often asking how to get started. What if they give or throw away something they will end up needed in the future and have to buy it again? Here's what I tell them:

If you were moving soon, what things would you pack away first knowing you won't touch it anytime soon? Now let's think about this room by room.

* Kitchen - What have you not touched in ages? A crock pot you have not used in years? A fondue set still in the box? Duplicates of things like can openers or blenders? Baking pans that you have too many of when keeping just one or two would be enough? Do you have multiple sets of dishes just sitting in a pantry or in cabinets but never get used? Do you need 4 ladles and 5 spatulas? Pack up what you won't be using.

* Living Room - Are there lots of movies or books in your living room you know won't be watched or read anytime soon because you haven't touched them in over a year? Pack them in the box. What about those decorative pillows you never really liked but felt you "should" have them all over your sofa and chairs? Pack them. Look around for all those knick knacks you collected or were given over the years that no longer mean anything to you. Pack them.

* Bedroom - What clothes and shoes do you know you haven't worn in over a year for one reason or another? If they don't fit, are out of style, have stains or holes in them, pack them in a box (or throw away the ones that aren't fit for giving to someone else).

* Bathroom - If you have dozens of lotions, cosmetics, colognes, and other personal care items you never use, trim down to just what you would need to leave out for the next month (or less, if you want) and put the rest in the box.

Without asking you to go through the attic, garage, back yard, front porch, patio, storage shed, or basement - pack up anything else inside your home you would pack away if you were moving because you know you don't need it anytime soon. If you feel ambitious, include your closets. If not, they can wait.

Now that you have a box (or more) of things you haven't used in forever and know you won't need them, donate that box. You would not have put anything in it you use regularly. You didn't pack collectibles that mean something special to you (like a quilt made by your great grandmother or your entire sports memorabilia collection). Give away what you don't need, use, or take pleasure from anymore.

Congratulations! You've just taken the first baby step to intentionally move your life in the direction you wanted. The extra space in your life will bring you less stress and more peace. I still don't know how it works, but it does. The less you hang onto unnecessary things, the better you feel. Great job!

Minimalism Myths

I get asked questions about minimalism all the time. To make it 

easier to understand, let's start with breaking a few of the common myths about minimalism:

1.  You don't have to throw out everything you own. It is about not collecting excess. It's about getting rid of whatever does not bring you joy and is not needed. If you collect sports memorabilia because you enjoy it - keep it. If you collected VHS and DVDs of movies that you've seen so many times you'll never watch them again - donate them. If you wear 1/10 of your closet, throw 9/10 out by donating or giving it away.

2. Don't buy anything ever again. Well that's just ridiculous. There will come a time when you need things, or you see something that will bring you joy (not fleeting joy the moment you buy it then it sits unnoticed forever after). Buy it. Just be intentional and don't purchase things without thinking.

3. You have to count your things. Not true at all. Every person, every household, every family is different. Refer back to number 1. 

4. You have to declutter your entire house in one day. Although it's been done by people like Ryan Nicodemus of The Minimalists, it's his personality to do that, but it may not be yours. Maybe you handle one room a month, maybe you slowly declutter over time. The truth is, only you can determine when the time is right and how quickly/late you will do it. 

5. Minimalism is boring when it comes to decorating your home. Well, since minimalism is different for everyone, the only way it would be boring is if you chose boring things to keep or furnish your space. Many times it seems like minimalist homes are ultra modern, furnished with only black, white, and stainless steel, but others blend into a wooded or nature environment with greens and leaf or tree prints. Others take on a beach theme. It's totally up to you. 

6. Minimalists want everyone else to be one too. It makes sense that if you found a good deal, saw a great movie, found a great restaurant, or found a way to reduce stress (like yoga or meditation) you would want to share that information for the benefit of others. People naturally share when something is good for or working for them. It's human nature. Many minimalists understand it's a philosophy, and it brings reduced stress and mental freedom. If it's not for you, no worries.

Living Simply: After the decluttering

Hello, I hope my last post helped you figure out what you want to get accomplished in the way of decluttering before the fall comes. Now let's talk about moving beyond the clutter.

The living simply mindset is one of peace and contentment. My choices how to fill my day are intentional. That doesn't mean if you have a job or are in school, you have no choice, or you need to quit. It just means you choose to go to work or school because it serves a more important value, such as paying the bills, sleeping indoors, eating on a regular basis...

After you decluttered your space, what's the next step to move towards a simple life with less "mind clutter"? Here are a few things to think about to get you started.

1.  The biggest one is social media. Did you know there are over 200 million people who are actually ADDICTED to social media???!!! That means it's not just something they do when they're at home bored or waiting in a doctor's office. This means it actually interferes with them getting through their day! Here's another statistic: Did you know that teens who spend 5 hours or more on their phone every day are TWO TIMES as likely to suffer depression? It's becoming a statistically significant cause of suicide in research studies. We are at the point now that here in America, the number of people who are using social media WHILE DRIVING is at a whopping 50%!!! And it's illegal in many states.

It's time to unplug. To simplify your life, delete apps you no longer use from your phone, change how often you're on social media, delete unwanted websites from your computer's bookmarks and favorites that you no longer need, delete photos you don't need (transfer important ones to a flash/USB drive). Simplify your computer's desktop along with your phone.

2.  Simplify your food. To live a peaceful life take a good look at your health choices and clean up your eating habits. Declutter your kitchen and pantry from unhealthy food and replace them with healthier options the next few times you shop. If you notice your portion sizes look like those platters they call entrees in a restaurant, cut back. If you notice you're eating too much of one thing, such as too much dairy, cut back. I'm two months into eating vegan and I have more energy, sleep better, and feel great. I know it's not for everyone, but simple food, real food, helps me balance mood swings, stay in a state of contentment, and have more peace. Find your healthier eating plan.

3.  Simplify your finances. Make a plan to pay off some debt, starting with the smallest amount. When that's paid off, take the money you used to use to pay it with, and add it to the next smallest debt. For example, if you used to send $50 each month to a Visa card, and you send $100 to Discover, then once your Visa balance is paid off, send $150 to Discover until that's paid off too. Then add the $150 to whatever your payment is on a 3rd debt...etc. Less debt brings contentment too.

4.  Remove things from your life you no longer need such as magazine or other monthly "box" subscriptions. If they are something you enjoy, or they add value to your life, keep them - but if they are costing you more for convenience sake and you aren't using them like you should - drop them.

5.  Simplify the toxins in your environment. If you want to reduce the number of toxins around you, there are great ideas and recipes online - check out either a Google search, YouTube, or Pinterest to figure out how to make easy cleaners, laundry detergent, body care, and other household items using natural ingredients. Often they save you tons of money as well.

6.  Get rid of toxic relationships. So many people I know are in relationships with neighbors, coworkers, group members, sometimes even families - and it's killing them with stress, literally. I am all for doing your best to enhance relationships, but there are some people in this world who will always be selfish, narcissistic, demanding, rude, takers and never givers, and they do not deserve as much attention as they feel they want. Distance yourself. Say no. Give yourself permission to get away from these people that are sucking the life out of you, or worse, are detrimental to the mental and physical health of you and your family.

7.  Simplify your schedule. Are you over-committed? Is it because you feel guilty for saying no to people's requests? Or is this just a temporary season of your life that must be busy to pursue a more peaceful or intentional future? I am busy, like everyone else, but I am learning to say no to things that are not my responsibility. I still volunteer and serve through my church and community, but I don't feel as obligated to do everything that needs doing. I have realized I cannot save the world. I would rather say no to something not so important to me so that I will have the time to say yes to something (or better yet, to someONE) that needs my attention.

Whatever fits your goals, direction, values, and lifestyle, make this work for you - just simplify to create the life YOU desire.

Living Simply: Preparing for a new season

   

    I know it's still mid-summer in some places, but here in the southwest, kids are back in school, colleges start back up in just a few weeks, and before you know it, it'll be Labor Day here in the states and we'll be into September. 

  

     Hopefully, during our summer season you got plenty of great ideas of which direction you want to be moving as time goes on, and you have thought about what you need to do to get there. Remember, it only takes baby steps in the intentional, right direction to get where you want to go.

     As we wrap up summer and start thinking ahead to fall, let's start the season right. How about using this month before fall starts to do either your first, or a "back on track" decluttering of your home and office? Here are a few ideas:

1.  You could clean out your garage. Get rid of anything you haven't touched in the last 3 to 5 years. I know that's longer than the typical pattern of 6 months or 1 year, but I understand in the garage you sometimes have tools, camping gear, sports equipment, or other things you may need but just have not taken the time to use them (or needed those tools) in a while. That does not mean keep everything "just in case". It just means, do not throw out something you will need and do not keep what you probably will not need.

2.  Maybe cleaning up the yard, or decluttering a shed, basement, or attic would be good. If you have not gone through those places in a while, do it before the weather changes. Where we are, we have warm winters and I do not want to waste them cleaning out junk when I could be outside enjoying them. 

3.  As we get closer to fall, depending where you live, it may become time to change over your clothing. Toss everything you haven't worn in 6 months rather than pack it away til next summer. If you did not like it, or did not fit into it this year, toss it. Pull out what you will need for fall (or winter if you live where it gets cold early in the season). Anything you no longer like or want to wear should be donated, given away, or thrown out. Get yourself to a closet where you will be comfortable wearing anything in it. It fits, it is in style, and you like wearing it. Everything else should go.

4.  Clean out your home, room by room, tossing out things that have piled up over the summer that you no longer need to keep. Books, magazines, extra towels or blankets, whatever it is, only keep what you need or what brings you joy. The rest is just "stuff". 

5.  Clean your work space, whether that is at home, in a corner of your bedroom, or at an office. Being productive is much easier when you are not surrounded by clutter and junk mail. 

6.  Pantry and Refrigerator. Go through them, check dates, throw out whatever is old or no longer wanted. I recently went vegan along with my son. My husband and daughter are vegetarian. Only my mother and brother eat meat and dairy and they usually buy their own food. I no longer need to keep dozens of cans of tuna, chicken, soup with meat, or chili around. One or two is fine. Give it away or donate it to a food pantry. Don't forget to get rid of or use up things that have been in your freezer for a long time too.

7.  If you have a bunch of skin, hair, nails, and body products, like lotions, perfumes, etc., pare down your collection to what you absolutely need and love. Get rid of the rest.

     Starting the new season in a peaceful, decluttered environment can help relieve stress and help you feel more relaxed in your surroundings. Get it done this month so you can enter fall putting your best foot forward, ready to take those intentional baby steps to get to the place you always wanted.

Living Simply: Question 16

Life has been busy but I am back. I apologize to those working their way through our summer series. In the last 30 days, I have done 7 weeks worth of college classes in just 4 weeks, had a broken air conditioner, had a storm break an outside light, trouble with a garage door, had just 4 days with my husband who's gone 300 days a year for work, and I'm working my way through our college's Phi Theta Kappa research project and events. Add to that I'm trying to add swimming 2 days a week for my health. 

     

So back to our summer series - 

Question 16: What do you want to be able to do in a year that you cannot do now?

     Time goes by quickly. Before you know it, a decade (or more) has passed and you may not be where you thought you would be by now. Maybe you're thinking how fast the kids grew up and now they're adults. Maybe you are at that point that you are ready to make changes you could not make before when circumstances were different? So when you look back one year from today, what will you want to be able to say? Here's a list of a few things to get you thinking:

• Walk or run a 5K race
• Travel somewhere you've always wanted to see but never did
• Drop those 20 pounds (or is it 9 kilos?)
• Take that class you wanted to take
• Visit that friend or relative you miss
• Get a new job - or start your own business - or retire
• Commit to the relationship you know you'll never leave but was afraid to admit it
• Sell your home and downsize to free up time and money for better things
• Change your entire career to something you love
• Volunteer for something you believe in

     Whatever it is, work your plan backwards. Figure out where you want to be, break down what you need to do to get there into smaller steps. What do you need to get done each month to get there? What do you need to do in the next 30 days to start off in the right direction? Baby steps will get you there. The last thing you want is to look back next year and realize you are not any closer than you were a year ago. 

Good Luck! 

Living Simply: Question 15

Today we continue our summer series that discusses things to think about that will help you begin to build the simple life you always wanted.

Question 15 is this:  What do you dream of achieving one day?

     Is there a different life you've always thought about in the back of your mind? I bet when you were little and someone asked what you wanted to be when you grow up, you didn't tell them you wanted to be an employee working too many hours in a job you hate for less money than you can afford to live on. So what DO you want to do?

     Do you want to be in a quality relationship with someone? Married? Have kids? Then start by becoming the type of person someone else dreams of finding. Be your best as if your potential spouse is secretly watching you. Be honest. Take care of yourself. Be friendly. Don't be the one guy or woman that brings everyone around you down. If it's kids you want, but you've been holding off, let me let you in on a little secret...There's NEVER a best time to do it. If you want kids, and you're in a strong marriage, and you can provide a stable, loving home life for kids, than now is the time. If you can't have kids, then understand there are so many kids waiting to be adopted by a loving family. Consider that option. If you want to help kids in a big way but can't afford it right now, consider foster care. These kids need love and attention, and that can make all the difference. If you don't want kids...let's move on.

     Do you love your job enough that you would do it for free if they stopped paying you? If so, stay where you are, and be thankful you found fulfilling work you love. If not, what DO you want to do? Do you want to go back and finish a degree to open doors to a new career you always thought you would be good at? Do you want to open your own business? What about a bed and breakfast? Maybe you're one of those independent people that dream of homesteading, farming your own animals and gardens to be self-sustainable. Start planning how to make that happen, what the costs would be, where you would do it, what education you should acquire first...

     Have you always wanted to travel but it's too expensive? Start small. Take day trips, then weekends, then try a few days someplace close enough to drive to...then you can start planning for long-distance trips, cruises, flying to another country, etc. If you are involved in a church, maybe there are missionary trips that you can go on to see the world while helping others live a better life.

     Whatever it is, start with intentional baby steps in that direction. You can do what you believe you can do - just put in the work and prepare. When timing is right - make the jump.
   

Living Simply: Question 14

Here in America, it's the 4th of July. It's the day we celebrate our freedom to become our own country and free of Britain's tyrannical king. So for America, Happy Independence Day! For everyone else around the world, Happy Wednesday!

Today's our 14th question of our summer series designed to help you focus on what you best life would look like. What would be important and meaningful? So here's today's question:

What would you do if you were not afraid?

Would you quit the job you hate and start a business? Maybe you had a great idea for a business but never could risk the start up phase? But what if you set a goal to do it, took steps in that direction, so that someday you could do it?

Have you ever thought of "homesteading"? It's when you buy a home and some land where you want to live, plant gardens, maybe raise a few animals, and you live off (mostly) what you can grow and build and make. There are lots of stories online about people all over the world that gave up a tiny apartment in the city for a home with some land in the countryside. Then they planted a garden, raised chickens, maybe a few cows, and taking care of their little "farm" is their job. Maybe they earn income by doing something else you can do online - selling something you make, successful blogging, offering an online service, or maybe they sell what they grow or bake at a Farmer's Market or to local stores to earn money.

Would you want to travel for 6 months? Maybe there's a particular place or area of the world you always wanted to visit. Plan for it, maybe find someone to go with you (maybe not) and just do it.
I know many people who work a second job so they can save that income for travel. The world is a beautiful place if you know where to look. Read online, find photos, read some travel magazines or books. Pick your destination(s).

Have you thought about going back to school but you worry because you now have kids that age of most college students? It's not too late. Schools offer lots of financial help to those who need it, there are many scholarships available, usually through your local area. Now you can take classes online around whatever else you have going on. If grandmas and athletes (who travel most of the year) can do it, believe you can too if that's something you always wanted to do.

Are you afraid of committing to a relationship? This one is a bit harder. If you know that you really love that person, in your head and your heart (emotions alone can betray you), take time to consider it. Ask those who know you best, and know them, if they think it would be a good match. Are you both compatible long-term? In other words, will you be fighting over how to raise kids? religion? how to be smart with your money? goals and dreams? If you get all "yes" answers, then also consider this: tomorrow is not promised to anyone. If something were to take that person away from you forever, would you regret letting fear get in the way of committing to them?  Then after careful consideration, don't wait.

Have a great week and I hope you are beginning to figure out a direction for your life to intentionally live the simple life you always wanted.

Living Simply: Question 13

If you're new here, welcome to my summer series of thought-provoking questions to find the life you want, and how to start living it. Feel free to browse through the past dozen questions.

Question #13 is this:

What moves you to tears or what gives you goosebumps (or chill 

bumps, or whatever you call it when you get chills and your skin on your arms gets all bumpy.)? 

What really gets through to your soul?

Is it patriotic music or events and you feel proud of your nation? Maybe helping veterans after they come home is an important cause for you to be involved in locally.

Perhaps its seeing a miracle of sorts, when someone without sight or hearing gets to see or see colors or hear for the first time. If those Facebook videos make you cry, maybe helping others achieve new heights is for you - or working with people with disabilities? Click on this link to see a YouTube video describing exactly what I'm talking about:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGg89igSKK4   (If this doesn't make you cry tears of joy...)

Do you find yourself drawn to tears over the situation of abused animals? neglected or hungry children? a woman trying to communicate as she realizes her husband is slipping into a deeper stage of Alzheimer's? I witnessed this first hand in the doctor's waiting room a few weeks ago. The poor woman was in tears every time her husband spoke and she realized how confused he was over simple things - he didn't know what her purse was - where he was - or why. She broke down repeatedly during just my few minutes before being called into the back.

Maybe it's seeing widows trying to deal with the death of their spouse? Have you ever been around someone as soon as that happens? After the funeral is over, after the friends and relatives have gone back to their lives, after the flowers have faded, and she realizes it's just her from now on...that's heartbreaking.

Whatever it is, find something worth putting in your time, worth fighting for, something that can change someone's world for the better, even if it's only by an anonymous donation or a few hours volunteered in the right place. 

Don't just take up space in this world. Make it better. 

Living Simply: Question 12

When speaking with people about the type of life they want, sometimes the idea is just too vague for them to answer. One thing that helps is to ask them, "Who's your hero?" or "Who do you admire?" or "Who's lifestyle would you want to trade for, but not just some millionaire, someone who's living every day the way you would like to live?" Then it becomes a little clearer, and defining the perfect life becomes a bit easier.

So now I ask you, "Who's your hero?" These are a few of the typical answers I get depending who I talk to:


1. A famous person because they can travel when and where they want and choose what jobs they take or turn down.

2. An athlete because some people just want to be spending their life in a healthy body that's physically able to do things they would enjoy, like hiking, swimming, marathons, rock climbing, etc.

3. Mother Theresa is one I hear a lot in my Christian circles because they want to have the freedom from a job to devote their lives to helping others in need, especially in the poorest areas of the world.
This is not something exclusive to Christians at all; anyone can be kind-hearted and volunteer.

4. A philanthropist because yes, they have loads of money, but to be able to wake up every day asking yourself, "Who needs the most help today?" to improve their community, or health, or some other important area of life - that would make life very rewarding, indeed.

5. Many say they want to be like their mother/father/grandparent or someone in their family who went through a lot, overcame it, and became a mentor in the family. They would like the chance to be that person in their family for future generations.

6. A ___(pick a profession)___ to help others. Maybe you want to be a doctor who helps those in need, or a psychologist who can instruct and encourage others to climb over the obstacles of their past to reach the life they never knew they could achieve. Whatever the profession, maybe that's where you can find inspiration.

7. Some tell me if they had the money and no job constraints, they would serve in either their church, their community, the government, or some other position that would give them the authority to stop harmful practices and lead others to a fulfilling life of giving back to others.

Whomever you choose as your hero or heroes, figure out why you admire them, and figure out how you can become like them. What would it take? What sacrifices would be worth making? Then take intentional baby steps in that direction to find the life you always wanted. Peace be the journey.

Living Simply: Question 11

Today we're continuing our summer series of deeper thinking questions to help you build the type of life you want.

Question 11 is this:

How can you show those around you that you appreciate, respect, or love them?

Let's start with the easy one, appreciation.

How many of us take for granted the people in our lives that make our day a little easier?

Can you show your appreciation for the barista at the coffee shop who sees you coming and has your beverage ready as you walk up to the register? How about acknowledging that with a simple, "Thank you. That saves me time I need to get things done. I appreciate it."

Is there someone at work who is a secretary or assistant that takes your messages, arranges your appointment schedules, brings you files, etc? How about letting them know how much you appreciate them with some kind words letting them know their efforts are not going unnoticed?

Do you have a good boss, business partner, mentor, teacher, or even employee that makes your day a little better? You could tell them that you have respect for their knowledge, or opinion, or decision making, because it help you, or makes things run smoothly. Let people know they matter.

Here's one. Have you ever been in a company, school, or public restroom and the cleaning person was in there trying to do their job around everyone else? Take a minute and let them know you think they're doing a good job. Tell them you appreciate coming into a clean environment. People in positions like that rarely get to feel appreciated, but they're working to support themselves and their family just like the higher ups.

What about those closest to you? When was the last time you said to your friend, spouse, partner, or kids that you loved them? Don't just say you know they know they're loved. Don't say things like, "That's why I work, to support them." They need to hear it. Everyone does now and then. Take a few minutes to let those you care most about know how much you love them. You may even want to do something nice for them, or do something that saves them time, or bring them some little treat (like their favorite coffee beverage) to say Thank You for all they do for you.

Don't go through life as a taker. Be a giver - even if you think you have nothing to give - you can give a smile, a kind word, attention, a hug (if appropriate). Let others know they aren't invisible in your world. People need connection. Be the person that brightens THEIR day for a change.

Living Simply: Question 10

Today our next question in our summer series about living simply is this:

What does success look like to you?

     To many people, success looks very different. Society would tell you success means having a car you can't afford, a home bigger than you could ever need, and debt up to your eyeballs! But from a minimalist or just living simply perspective, success can look very different, and yet, be even more rewarding. Let's take a look at a few ideas.

     Success can mean you still run a business or have a job, but maybe you have control over your own hours. There's thousands of stories of people who had no time freedom, so they either started their own business, or working from home, or went into a private practice to have control over their time. To them, that's success.

     Success can mean you don't have debt anymore. Maybe it's from an inheritance, or royalties for something you did earlier, or maybe like many who follow financial advisers like Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman and got rid debt. You live a lifestyle that's comfortable, you have an emergency fund, savings, retirement planned out, investments, and no car payments, credit car debts, or school loans. That space to financially breathe is success to them.

     Success can be so simple depending where you started out. In my lifetime, I have been and met people from all walks of life, from all over the world, who grew up poor, in very bad circumstances. Society would've project by outward appearances that people like that had no hope, no future. But every so often, someone rises above their circumstances. They find (or are blessed with) mentors to lead and guide them. They find hope and belief that they CAN do better than what they grew up with, and find the determination to make it out of those circumstances. For them success may look like becoming a stable 2-parent household with good kids that aren't trouble makers. For some it looks like finishing high school when those in their neighborhood generally drop out and turn to a life of crime, gangs, drugs, or prostitution. Something as simple as getting a college degree or finding a job that pays the bills can mean the world to someone who's only known struggles before that. 

     Don't let anyone else determine what success looks like for YOU. Take the time to figure out what would make you feel like you've had success in an area of importance to you, then take the intentional steps to make that happen. You deserve the life you're willing to hope, belive, and work for. Now go get it.