When I say the word community, what comes to mind? Do you think of a bunch of strangers who happen to live in the same town or city? Do you picture a neighborhood where you recognize who comes and goes but don't know them all that well? Do you picture your teammates on a team? Do you think of people in your group or class that you signed up for recently? Or is it something more...more intimate...more personal...people that you do life with on a regular basis?
For today's purposes, I'm going to challenge you to think about the last kind of community - people you know very well. People who have been through some stuff with you. People who know just by looking at you what you're feeling today. I'm talking about your personal "inner circle" of friends and family, your community.
If you already have a great community surrounding you, then maybe today's challenge will be to simply appreciate them, or do something nice for them, or get together with them sometime soon. That could be as easy as picking up doughnuts and everyone meeting at someone in the community's house together for coffee. Or it could be taking a few minutes to just send them a Thank You card for being there.
If you don't have a community, let's help you take a few baby steps to build one. As always, we'll do this intentionally, purposefully, giving it a lot of thought and consideration so that it becomes a worthwhile part of your world. Here's what questions you can ask yourself:
1. Who do I have something in common with? This could be people in your neighborhood or even building if you're in a condo or apartment. It could be people at work, other sports fans, other musicians if that's your thing, others who you know have taken a class you've taken like a painting party or woodworking or cooking. It could be people who also like camping. Maybe it's people you already share small talk with at places you frequent, like your favorite coffee shop.
You could start a conversation with them about whatever it is you share with them, then ask if they'd like to get together outside of the usual setting to talk more about it, or take in a class or exhibit locally that focuses on it, or to a lecture on that topic. Just don't be creepy about it, lol. If you're a 50 year old single guy, be careful how you ask the 18 year old single young lady so she knows your intentions aren't anything weird. Ladies, don't act like you're trying to pick up someone's husband. Maybe if you know the person you want to get to know is married or has a significant other, as them both to meet up with you. If you're married or have a significant partner, you probably should bring them the first time too.
2. How do I find like minded people that I don't know now? If I wanted to find other minimalists, I'd go to www.TheMinimalists.com (or on their social media account) and ask them if there's a meet up group in my area. If I want to find others interested in cooking, I'd take a class and intentionally find someone to become friends with similar to myself (to keep things appropriate). If I wanted to find people who believe in being financially in good shape, I'd find others through a Dave Ramsey class offered in lots of churches and community centers. Like to read? Maybe meet someone in a library. Love baseball? Go to a sporting event and strike up a conversation with a few people at the game. In my case, I went to a game locally to check out the minor leagues during the fall season and found dozens of baseball fans who are now friends.
3. Want to meet people who live closer to you? Many times we work somewhere that's not close to home so we have work friends but can't get together often since you live in opposite directions from work, too far away from each other. What if you started walking over to your neighbor when getting the mail or cutting the lawn instead of just waving? What if you took a free class at your local library? Could you find something of interest at your community center? Is there a local group that meets you could join? Make the effort to meet those near you and you could end up with someone close enough that you do a lot more together.
4. What about church? If you've been reading this blog you know I never try to tell people who they should be or what they should do. I do however find my church community adds tremendous value to my life. We are people with a common core value, something that not only defines who we are but dictates our actions as well (we're all far from perfect and don't claim to be, but we try, fail, and get back up heading in the right direction hoping over time we'll be a better person, especially towards others, than we were when we started). If you have a home church, then you have a great place to start just reaching out to get to know people. Usually churches offer small group settings, classes, and studies to join - often an little to no cost - where you can find people to share this life with, find encouragement, and grow. If you aren't a church going person, is it something you might consider trying? Check out ones near you online that you feel may be an okay fit to try. Usually church websites have an "About Us" or "Check Us Out" tab that tells you a little about what they believe or follow. It's a great place to start, especially because many people, even casual attenders, tend to be on better behavior in church than anywhere else to a newcomer.
Whatever you decide, find some people you can get to know better. We all need friends, but to live a simple life without all the fake facades, drama, and issues, choose wisely, intentionally. I try very hard not to judge people by anything other than their actions, and part of what they say. (If they're a bad fit for you, a conversation may be enough to set off a warning flag inside you). Choose people who seem genuine, who are sensitive to the needs of others - basic consideration is important. Choose people who you would feel comfortable inviting to your home or introducing to an important friend or relative or boss. Avoid people you already suspect may be deceitful, who you know lie and gossip behind others' backs, or those you know are in a world you don't want to be a part of, like someone you know breaks the law or is abusive to others. You don't need to deal with that when you're just trying to get your feet wet building a new community of people.
The effort is so worth it when you find the right group of people. The best part is they can all be from the same circle for you, or you could have half a dozen close friends from different interest groups that don't have to know each other. Friends, having a community around you, enhances your life, helps you grow, and if you choose wisely, it can help you become more than you thought you could become. You never know until you try. Living simply doesn't mean being a hermit. It means being a blessing to the world and others, and letting them be a blessing to you.
Sunday, August 6, 2017
Saturday, August 5, 2017
Simple living minimalism challenge Day 5: non-material gifts
Here's some ideas to help you come up with a list of non-material gifts so you're ready with a good answer when people ask, "What do you want for _____________ (insert occasion)?" On the list are experiences that especially when shared with someone you care about, becomes better than any physical gift. It also doesn't need to take up space, be washed, dusted, nor cleaned, and doesn't lose value as time goes by. By the way, if you truly believe excess stuff is pointless, you may choose to make this YOUR gift-giving list when it's time for YOU to buy a present for someone you love.
1. Tickets to theatre, a concert, a show, a movie, an event, the possibilities can be endless if you happen to live near a large city. As an example, in one large city there's a performance of Little Shop of Horrors, a show with The Fab Four Beatles cover band coming up, a local symphony playing the music of the 50th Anniversary album, Sargent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, another symphony playing the music of Pink Floyd, a performance of Man of La Mancha, Eseveral movie theaters nearby, several casinos all with a special stage for cover bands, a local baseball field and football field that host events year round in the off-season. There's also multiple sporting events to attend since most areas have baseball, hockey, football, soccer, basketball, and other sports within a reasonable distance.
2. Gift cards.
Gift cards for restaurants are also great ideas for a free dinner out for two people to get away for a few hours together. What a great idea for that young couple you know. You could offer to babysit and send them out on a much needed and long overdue date night.
3. Memberships.
4. Museum memberships. In your area, you may be lucky enough to have a large museum, like an art museum, where you can buy or receive a yearly membership. If not, many smaller towns (even ones so small it's technically a village) have a local museum. Many of these are history museums that exhibit things relevant to that area, state, or culture. Yearly memberships for those are a great gift. You get to find out things about the area you never would have known otherwise. One "village" I know of has a local museum that says it used to be one of the biggest towns in the area back at the turn of the centuries, with 6 banks among other things. Now it's registered as a ghost town. Who knew?
5. Fun experiences to share with someone else -
There's also dance classes, like country line dancing, ballroom dancing, or salsa classes, to name a few. There's Zumba, yoga, and other exercise classes. There's also massages, manicures, pedicures, painting pottery, skydiving, off road adventures, jeep tours, trolley rides, deep sea fishing, whale watches, swimming with dolphins, a shooting range day out (they provide everything on site, even safety classes).
6. A staycation weekend getaway - some places have great off-season deals. When I got married we went to a ski resort after memorial day and it was beautiful, the lake in the town center was pretty, the grass and flowers were all in bloom, the stores were open, and we didn't have to track snow around and wear bulky layers of clothes just to go outside. Also, some beach places are absolutely gorgeous around Christmas time. Check out the prices online for places you can drive to, and look at how much the prices drop in the off-season. A weekend 2 night getaway may be cheaper than a single night in the high volume season. A quick little private getaway for two people can be great, even if it's not a couple. Two best friends kicking back in a different area like camping and sitting around a firepit, or enjoying a relaxing afternoon on the deck of a beach house, can make it much easier to unwind than yet another weekend spent sitting on the couch waiting for the television to entertain you.So as you can see, there are some great experiences and non-material gifts to be given and received that can fit your new minimalist lifestyle. The memories are better than anything you could buy and sit on a bookcase shelf. Be creative. If you come up with some more ideas, comment below. I'd love to add them to the list!!!
Friday, August 4, 2017
LIving Simply Day 4 Challenge: Stillness
I know there's kids and spouses to take care of, jobs to get to, meetings to attend, buses to catch, deadlines to meet, appointments to go to, kids' practices and classes to drive to and dinners to make. So how in all that do you find time for stillness?! You have two options: one - you can plan it, and two - you can let it happen naturally and take advantage of it. I recommend the first option if you're already over-scheduled and too busy. Let's find some practical things you can do to find stillness.
Planning it - What if you made an appointment with yourself a few times a week to start? Maybe you need to start with waking up just 10-15 minutes earlier and spend those moments in meditation, prayer, quietly centering yourself, however you're comfortable being still. Maybe it's just sitting cross-legged on your floor or bed not thinking about anything but keeping your mind still. Maybe it could be the last few minutes before you get into your bed at night. Just don't spend it thinking over your To Do list for tomorrow or all you didn't get finished today. Another option is that you could plan a scheduled time for yourself a few times a week whether it's at lunch, in your office with the door closed, in your car, alone in your room, on your patio, a time without a phone, where no one has access to you for a set amount of time, whatever you can afford - 15 minutes? half an hour? maybe a whole hour once a week? What if you planned a time on your day off for yourself, maybe an hour or two since it's only once a week? You could use that time to walk if it helps still your mind, but imagine just being still, at rest, maybe doing some informal natural stretching out of your neck and shoulders, clearing your mind, learning to be still. If you have or follow a faith or religion, you could use your stillness time to focus on your creator, enjoying the peace you have in the moment, or even in prayer - but keep it prayers for thanks, not another To Do list of people to pray for and thinking about situations that have you tied up in knots already.
If you aren't a planning type of person you could try to take advantage of life's breaks along the way like we used to before technology took over our lives. In between tasks, take a short break to just sit, breathe, maybe have a few sips of water or herbal tea (or coffee). When you're at a red light for the next 60 seconds, clear your mind, breathe deeply, exhale slowly, enjoy being in the moment for that minute, being still. When you're in line at the grocery store, instead of stressing out, again, intentionally clear your mind, breathe deeply a few times, exhale slowly, it doesn't have to be some big noticeable production. Just be still for that moment. You know when I used to sneak a peaceful moment? At my kids' soccer practice. They were mostly just running drills but I would soak in the smell of the fresh cut grass, the warm sun on a cool day (or a cool breeze on a hot day, lol). I'd just close my eyes for a few minutes at a time and be still, thinking only of how blessed I was that day.
If you aren't so busy, or the kids are in school and you're at home during the day, if you're single or have no kids, you have a special advantage others may not. You can take breaks for stillness without so many people depending on you 24/7/365. You can tell people you have plans after work that could be just you, being still, maybe in a bubble bath, maybe just relaxing listening to peaceful quieting music.
No matter what your day usually holds, for your own peace of mind, and to begin taking those baby steps towards living a more simple life, make time or find time to intentionally and purposefully be still. There is great power in stillness to create a better you.
Thursday, August 3, 2017
Living Simply Challenge Day 3: Let It Go Emotionally
This one topic is going to be a bit touchy because not everyone is "there yet" or even wants to be as a minimalist. People's emotions are something very individual and personal, and there's never going to be one opinion that everyone agrees with but having said that, take what you can apply from this and let the rest go.
Things - they are inanimate objects without emotion, unable to give support, unable to relive moments of the past. Only the mind can do that. Memories aren't stored in things, they're stored in our mind. Often we associate memories to things, we attach value (or at least MORE value) to things because they remind us of a place, the person who gave it to us, the person it used to belong to, or even just a happier time in the past. There is real freedom to being able to enjoy the memory in your mind but let go of the material thing. Here's an example:
When people die, it's usually up to their relatives to figure out what to do with their houseful of stuff, and depending on how old they were, how long they lived there, it can be 60 years or more of stuff. So what do you do when it's your turn to go through it all and decide what to do with it? Most people sell what they can if something has value, like a car, or jewelry, art, etc. The next step is to ask friends and family what they would like to remember that person. Next some gets donated to a charity or organization. Somehow, there's always still boxes of their stuff that you just don't know what to do with - you just aren't sure if you should get rid of it or let it go. Those things themselves have no meaning for you because they weren't things you collected, nor from places you've been, nor gifts from people you know (if you even know who gave the thing). I will briefly say I have been given a few things that belonged to people who've passed away but honestly - those things don't have emotional attachment because I never remember seeing them in that piece of jewelry, I don't like the style of the things (for example if my house were modern or art deco and this is country kitchen or cabin in the woods style). I remember my daughter kept a binder full of greeting cards we were told belonged to her great-grandmother. We assumed they were cards given to her in her lifetime. For over 5 years and 3 addresses, she held onto them until one night we pulled them out to see who they were all from. It turned out that they were NOT cards given to her! They were cards given to what I can only guess was a friend from where she lived over 30 years ago - who we'd never heard about - and all had long hand-written notes on them, some were 2 pages long. My daughter's great-grandmother wasn't even mentioned in them so I'm not sure if this was even a close friend. Our best guess is that someone gave these cards to HER when her friend passed away figuring they'd hold memories to someone other than the owner. It struck us as ridiculous to have carried these things around needlessly attaching emotions to them that we never should have. There was no connection from our loved one to us through those cards. We threw them out and have never regretted letting them go.
Another similar story but with a more serious tone was described by minimalist Joshua Fields Milburn when his mother died and he was going through her things. What he found changed his life. You can read it here:
Essay on Letting Go
On a bit of a sadder note, I will try to share an experience with as much anonymity as I can. I know someone who collected a category of things because that person had dreams of using them to build great memories with their family. Unfortunately work and bills always seemed to come first, around the time that started to change for them and owning stuff became something undesired, the recession hit and things got really bad. That stuff could've been used during the time that person was unemployed, but emotionally they just weren't up to it. Once back on their feet, work again became the priority and time flew by, in years. Now that person no long had positive emotions attached to all that stuff. It was all negative emotions of missed opportunities and little chance of using it as time marches on. That person gifted and donated it because now it was only a reminder of sadness. It was so difficult to watch. Don't hang onto things you won't use, but if you do have things that could add value to your life, use them before opportunity slips away.
Let's briefly talk about gifts. I love giving gifts far more than I receive them. If I get a gift that a person bought for me but I know the clothing doesn't fit, or I'll never wear that color/style/size jewelry, or again it's opposite of my home or personal style, I am grateful they thought of me. I'm thankful they took the time to get me something. I wonder why they saw it and thought of me when often it's more a reflection of something more their style, but still, I feel a little spark of warmth, like a quick hug, for a minute. Unfortunately, after that initial moment, how much joy do we expect it to bring? Do we look at it and feel that hug again? Maybe, but it's not the thing that makes us feel it. It's our mind and heart and our love for that person that makes us relive the moment - the object had nothing to do with it. Don't believe me? I have been given probably over 100 candles in my life, another 50 bubble bath type sets, dozens of perfumes, all of which I couldn't stand because the smell hit my nose differently than it probably did the gift-giver's. It smelled pungent, sometimes even burning my nose a little. What did I do with them? I gave them away or donated them so others can enjoy them more than I will. Does that mean I don't like the giver? No, of course not. Do I lose those memories that they gave me a gift? No again. All I have to do is think about let's say Christmas morning or a birthday and remember how sweet that person is - they always remember me and buy something to let me know they remembered me. THAT MEMORY RIGHT THERE, that's what brings me the warm fuzzy feeling. That's what draws me closer to them in that moment, not smelling a pungent aroma. Sometimes the gifts are wonderful and exactly my style. They can be given with lots of thought put into it about what would be special to me. I have a few people who excel at this in my life. I just don't need the same things in my life decades later, that's all. What may have been important during a season of my life now can't hold a candle to more important, intimate things that add value. My father-in-law has always been a person not prone to mindless gift giving, not expecting gifts on every man-made holiday. His heart is touched by personal moments, whether it's a photo album of pictures of him with his grandkids, or a hand-written letter telling him how he's important to you, or something involving family. It's never been about some non-emotional material object.
I know not everyone reading this will agree. Not everyone reading this is currently removing all clutter from their lives right now. Not everyone will want to let go of things that they feel bring them joy. By the way, on a side note, minimalism looks different to everyone. There's no one pattern or set of rules to follow. For some, a collection of mugs from places they've traveled during their marriage adds value, so it doesn't get donated. For others, it may be some other collection, or items made through their hobby, etc. Just because it holds no value to one person doesn't mean it can't bring value to you. And vice versa, just because you attach emotion to an object doesn't mean everyone else has to attach emotions too.
Find what works for you, it's your life. Only you know what adds value and what doesn't.
Things - they are inanimate objects without emotion, unable to give support, unable to relive moments of the past. Only the mind can do that. Memories aren't stored in things, they're stored in our mind. Often we associate memories to things, we attach value (or at least MORE value) to things because they remind us of a place, the person who gave it to us, the person it used to belong to, or even just a happier time in the past. There is real freedom to being able to enjoy the memory in your mind but let go of the material thing. Here's an example:
When people die, it's usually up to their relatives to figure out what to do with their houseful of stuff, and depending on how old they were, how long they lived there, it can be 60 years or more of stuff. So what do you do when it's your turn to go through it all and decide what to do with it? Most people sell what they can if something has value, like a car, or jewelry, art, etc. The next step is to ask friends and family what they would like to remember that person. Next some gets donated to a charity or organization. Somehow, there's always still boxes of their stuff that you just don't know what to do with - you just aren't sure if you should get rid of it or let it go. Those things themselves have no meaning for you because they weren't things you collected, nor from places you've been, nor gifts from people you know (if you even know who gave the thing). I will briefly say I have been given a few things that belonged to people who've passed away but honestly - those things don't have emotional attachment because I never remember seeing them in that piece of jewelry, I don't like the style of the things (for example if my house were modern or art deco and this is country kitchen or cabin in the woods style). I remember my daughter kept a binder full of greeting cards we were told belonged to her great-grandmother. We assumed they were cards given to her in her lifetime. For over 5 years and 3 addresses, she held onto them until one night we pulled them out to see who they were all from. It turned out that they were NOT cards given to her! They were cards given to what I can only guess was a friend from where she lived over 30 years ago - who we'd never heard about - and all had long hand-written notes on them, some were 2 pages long. My daughter's great-grandmother wasn't even mentioned in them so I'm not sure if this was even a close friend. Our best guess is that someone gave these cards to HER when her friend passed away figuring they'd hold memories to someone other than the owner. It struck us as ridiculous to have carried these things around needlessly attaching emotions to them that we never should have. There was no connection from our loved one to us through those cards. We threw them out and have never regretted letting them go.
Another similar story but with a more serious tone was described by minimalist Joshua Fields Milburn when his mother died and he was going through her things. What he found changed his life. You can read it here:
Essay on Letting Go
On a bit of a sadder note, I will try to share an experience with as much anonymity as I can. I know someone who collected a category of things because that person had dreams of using them to build great memories with their family. Unfortunately work and bills always seemed to come first, around the time that started to change for them and owning stuff became something undesired, the recession hit and things got really bad. That stuff could've been used during the time that person was unemployed, but emotionally they just weren't up to it. Once back on their feet, work again became the priority and time flew by, in years. Now that person no long had positive emotions attached to all that stuff. It was all negative emotions of missed opportunities and little chance of using it as time marches on. That person gifted and donated it because now it was only a reminder of sadness. It was so difficult to watch. Don't hang onto things you won't use, but if you do have things that could add value to your life, use them before opportunity slips away.
Let's briefly talk about gifts. I love giving gifts far more than I receive them. If I get a gift that a person bought for me but I know the clothing doesn't fit, or I'll never wear that color/style/size jewelry, or again it's opposite of my home or personal style, I am grateful they thought of me. I'm thankful they took the time to get me something. I wonder why they saw it and thought of me when often it's more a reflection of something more their style, but still, I feel a little spark of warmth, like a quick hug, for a minute. Unfortunately, after that initial moment, how much joy do we expect it to bring? Do we look at it and feel that hug again? Maybe, but it's not the thing that makes us feel it. It's our mind and heart and our love for that person that makes us relive the moment - the object had nothing to do with it. Don't believe me? I have been given probably over 100 candles in my life, another 50 bubble bath type sets, dozens of perfumes, all of which I couldn't stand because the smell hit my nose differently than it probably did the gift-giver's. It smelled pungent, sometimes even burning my nose a little. What did I do with them? I gave them away or donated them so others can enjoy them more than I will. Does that mean I don't like the giver? No, of course not. Do I lose those memories that they gave me a gift? No again. All I have to do is think about let's say Christmas morning or a birthday and remember how sweet that person is - they always remember me and buy something to let me know they remembered me. THAT MEMORY RIGHT THERE, that's what brings me the warm fuzzy feeling. That's what draws me closer to them in that moment, not smelling a pungent aroma. Sometimes the gifts are wonderful and exactly my style. They can be given with lots of thought put into it about what would be special to me. I have a few people who excel at this in my life. I just don't need the same things in my life decades later, that's all. What may have been important during a season of my life now can't hold a candle to more important, intimate things that add value. My father-in-law has always been a person not prone to mindless gift giving, not expecting gifts on every man-made holiday. His heart is touched by personal moments, whether it's a photo album of pictures of him with his grandkids, or a hand-written letter telling him how he's important to you, or something involving family. It's never been about some non-emotional material object.
I know not everyone reading this will agree. Not everyone reading this is currently removing all clutter from their lives right now. Not everyone will want to let go of things that they feel bring them joy. By the way, on a side note, minimalism looks different to everyone. There's no one pattern or set of rules to follow. For some, a collection of mugs from places they've traveled during their marriage adds value, so it doesn't get donated. For others, it may be some other collection, or items made through their hobby, etc. Just because it holds no value to one person doesn't mean it can't bring value to you. And vice versa, just because you attach emotion to an object doesn't mean everyone else has to attach emotions too.
Find what works for you, it's your life. Only you know what adds value and what doesn't.
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
Living simply challenge Day 2: Bartering
When you hear the word bartering what comes to mind? Native Americans trading with Colonists? Exchanging garden vegetables over the back fence with your neighbor? Many of us have learned to be smarter with money from the 2007-2010 recession. People started getting creative to save money, sewing, cooking at home instead of eating out, couponing, etc. Let's take a look at a way to live a more simple life and save money in the process - through bartering.
What skills or talents do you have? Can you paint (either as an artist or as a contractor)? Can you babysit? Do you know how to do taxes? Do you grow a garden? Have you successfully made some do it yourself items that others said they liked? Can you bake? Do you have a teaching certificate? Could you be a fitness or yoga or zumba instructor? Are you good at answering phones and filing? How good are your computer skills? Have you got your license to be an electrician or plumber? How's your landscaping skills? Are you a person good at really cleaning? Ever do construction? Ever wish you could be a photographer? Do you do nails? Are you good at fixing cars? Do you know how to play any musical instruments? Do you have years of dancing experience? Ever made jewelry that people said they loved? Can you knit, crochet or needlepoint? Ever make any woodworking projects you're proud of? Do you like sports? Do you know how to sew? Do you enjoy driving? Are you handy with basic home repairs and maintenance?
Now that you've read through those, are there any (or a few I didn't mention) that you know you could do? What if you used that talent and experience to barter for things you can't do? Or for things that would cost money? What could you offer to do or make with the above skills? How about this:
Paint art pieces, paint a fence, or a house (or even just the trim), babysit for a single mom or a family where both parents have to work, do others' taxes, barter what you grow from your garden, barter homemade gifts especially around the holidays, bake cookies, pies or cakes, teach a class to a group of kids in the community or your neighborhood, teach adults a new skill, teach a yoga class, help out a friend's home filing or answering phones for a charity, teach an older person how to use facebook to stay in touch with family, do some home wiring or plumbing for someone, cut lawns, yank unwanted shrubs, clean homes, build something, photograph someone's event, kids, pets, or sports team, do manicures/pedicures, fix cars for people, teach musical instruction, run a dance class, create custom made jewelry pieces for people, again especially around holidays, knit or crochet clothing or blankets, needlepoint to personalize or monogram items, build a bookcase or doghouse, coach a little league team, sew clothing, curtains, pillows, tablecloths, quilts, etc., be an Uber, Lyft, or UberEats driver (if you have a newer car), fix small around the home items for people who don't know how or are too elderly to be climbing ladders, the list goes on and on.
What could you ask for in exchange to save money? All the same things or something you come up with on your own! It's a great way to get your talents out there by word of mouth (who knows? it could turn into a business someday?), to meet new people in your area, to help friends and family save money, to make connections in an area you're interested in - like other musicians, or dancers.
Before shelling out cash for your next project or item, see if you can barter with others you know. Ask around in your circles of friends and family, coworkers, groups you're already in, people you hang out with regularly, clubs and organizations you're with, your social media contacts, your neighbors. What a great way to live the simple life - by people helping people.
What skills or talents do you have? Can you paint (either as an artist or as a contractor)? Can you babysit? Do you know how to do taxes? Do you grow a garden? Have you successfully made some do it yourself items that others said they liked? Can you bake? Do you have a teaching certificate? Could you be a fitness or yoga or zumba instructor? Are you good at answering phones and filing? How good are your computer skills? Have you got your license to be an electrician or plumber? How's your landscaping skills? Are you a person good at really cleaning? Ever do construction? Ever wish you could be a photographer? Do you do nails? Are you good at fixing cars? Do you know how to play any musical instruments? Do you have years of dancing experience? Ever made jewelry that people said they loved? Can you knit, crochet or needlepoint? Ever make any woodworking projects you're proud of? Do you like sports? Do you know how to sew? Do you enjoy driving? Are you handy with basic home repairs and maintenance?
Now that you've read through those, are there any (or a few I didn't mention) that you know you could do? What if you used that talent and experience to barter for things you can't do? Or for things that would cost money? What could you offer to do or make with the above skills? How about this:
Paint art pieces, paint a fence, or a house (or even just the trim), babysit for a single mom or a family where both parents have to work, do others' taxes, barter what you grow from your garden, barter homemade gifts especially around the holidays, bake cookies, pies or cakes, teach a class to a group of kids in the community or your neighborhood, teach adults a new skill, teach a yoga class, help out a friend's home filing or answering phones for a charity, teach an older person how to use facebook to stay in touch with family, do some home wiring or plumbing for someone, cut lawns, yank unwanted shrubs, clean homes, build something, photograph someone's event, kids, pets, or sports team, do manicures/pedicures, fix cars for people, teach musical instruction, run a dance class, create custom made jewelry pieces for people, again especially around holidays, knit or crochet clothing or blankets, needlepoint to personalize or monogram items, build a bookcase or doghouse, coach a little league team, sew clothing, curtains, pillows, tablecloths, quilts, etc., be an Uber, Lyft, or UberEats driver (if you have a newer car), fix small around the home items for people who don't know how or are too elderly to be climbing ladders, the list goes on and on.
What could you ask for in exchange to save money? All the same things or something you come up with on your own! It's a great way to get your talents out there by word of mouth (who knows? it could turn into a business someday?), to meet new people in your area, to help friends and family save money, to make connections in an area you're interested in - like other musicians, or dancers.
Before shelling out cash for your next project or item, see if you can barter with others you know. Ask around in your circles of friends and family, coworkers, groups you're already in, people you hang out with regularly, clubs and organizations you're with, your social media contacts, your neighbors. What a great way to live the simple life - by people helping people.
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
Living Simply 30 Day Challenge: Day 1: Identify your values
Welcome to another month of a 30 Day Challenge. If you're new to this blog, July was a Minimalism challenge. August is about learning to live simply. Day 1 is probably the hardest day, they're much easier after this. Here we go:
Day 1: Identify your values - how do you do that unless you get a good understanding of what a value is? A value is something you feel is deserving, of importance or great worth, usefulness. It's about your principles and standards that will govern your behavior. It's your judgement of what you feel is important in your life. So what in your life is truly most important to you? Here are a few examples of values some people hold:
their faith - their marriage - their kids - their family & friends - giving back/donating/charity/volunteering - education - personal growth - a strong work ethic (but not in a sense of workaholics, not at the expense of more important values like family) - authenticity - honesty - adventure - compassion - justice - kindness - citizenship - humor - determination - recognition - optimism - leadership - self-respect - pride - security - wealth - trustworthiness - wisdom - leisure - status - security - responsibility
Which of these are most important to you? There's no right or wrong answer, although some will prove to produce better results than others. For example, kindness, marriage, giving back will produce better results than chasing material wealth, pride and ego, and recognition. Chasing leisure aggressively before you've earned the right and financial stability it takes to do that can produce disastrous results too. Choose wisely.
As for me, many are important values but which ones are my top priorities that will allow me to decide and discern what I do/don't let into my life? My faith is number one. Without that, there's no hope, no reason, no purpose. I understand that's not the case for everyone, and I'm not saying it needs to be everyone's top priority - it just is for me. Next comes my marriage. If deciding between making my marriage work or pleasing some group or organization, marriage wins every time. Next are my kids (with friends and family close behind). I have a large group of people in my life that I'm very thankful for, but a very intentional smaller group that I can share intimately with, and that's my third priority. Adding value to others' lives is my number four. Through that I am generous, supportive, I work in women's ministry, volunteer, teach, give, share, etc. If I don't add value in a relationship, then I'm just a "taker". Taking is NOT on my list of values. Neither is Looking out for number one. Neither is getting "my fair share". I'm just not wired that way. My fifth and final value to mention today would be authenticity. I am honest with people, I am who I am no matter who I'm with and where I am. That's not to say I'll give people a piece of my mind without thought to being respectful, or if it's the right place/time to do it. It means I'm an open book. I hide nothing from my past. I tell it like it is as far as I'm concerned. I share what I learned from my mistakes. What you see is what you get.
Take some time before you go to sleep tonight and list out what may be some of your top values. It will help with the rest of the month when it comes to prioritizing your home, time, work, health, and more. Remember, many of these can be of importance to you, but what matters MOST? In what areas do you have personal boundaries or lines in the sand you refuse to ever cross? Those areas will help you focus for the next 30 days.
Day 1: Identify your values - how do you do that unless you get a good understanding of what a value is? A value is something you feel is deserving, of importance or great worth, usefulness. It's about your principles and standards that will govern your behavior. It's your judgement of what you feel is important in your life. So what in your life is truly most important to you? Here are a few examples of values some people hold:
their faith - their marriage - their kids - their family & friends - giving back/donating/charity/volunteering - education - personal growth - a strong work ethic (but not in a sense of workaholics, not at the expense of more important values like family) - authenticity - honesty - adventure - compassion - justice - kindness - citizenship - humor - determination - recognition - optimism - leadership - self-respect - pride - security - wealth - trustworthiness - wisdom - leisure - status - security - responsibility
Which of these are most important to you? There's no right or wrong answer, although some will prove to produce better results than others. For example, kindness, marriage, giving back will produce better results than chasing material wealth, pride and ego, and recognition. Chasing leisure aggressively before you've earned the right and financial stability it takes to do that can produce disastrous results too. Choose wisely.
As for me, many are important values but which ones are my top priorities that will allow me to decide and discern what I do/don't let into my life? My faith is number one. Without that, there's no hope, no reason, no purpose. I understand that's not the case for everyone, and I'm not saying it needs to be everyone's top priority - it just is for me. Next comes my marriage. If deciding between making my marriage work or pleasing some group or organization, marriage wins every time. Next are my kids (with friends and family close behind). I have a large group of people in my life that I'm very thankful for, but a very intentional smaller group that I can share intimately with, and that's my third priority. Adding value to others' lives is my number four. Through that I am generous, supportive, I work in women's ministry, volunteer, teach, give, share, etc. If I don't add value in a relationship, then I'm just a "taker". Taking is NOT on my list of values. Neither is Looking out for number one. Neither is getting "my fair share". I'm just not wired that way. My fifth and final value to mention today would be authenticity. I am honest with people, I am who I am no matter who I'm with and where I am. That's not to say I'll give people a piece of my mind without thought to being respectful, or if it's the right place/time to do it. It means I'm an open book. I hide nothing from my past. I tell it like it is as far as I'm concerned. I share what I learned from my mistakes. What you see is what you get.
Take some time before you go to sleep tonight and list out what may be some of your top values. It will help with the rest of the month when it comes to prioritizing your home, time, work, health, and more. Remember, many of these can be of importance to you, but what matters MOST? In what areas do you have personal boundaries or lines in the sand you refuse to ever cross? Those areas will help you focus for the next 30 days.
Monday, July 31, 2017
Minimalist challenge evaluation on Day 31
So now I've completed the 30 Day Challenge. I've heard back from friends and family that they've followed along and have either decided to make some changes too, or that they're learning from what they're reading here. Some have even done a few of these challenges along with the daily blog post. But what real changes have happened in just 30 days? I've listed them out but I need to give credit to The Minimalists because on their website I found an essay with these benefits generally in this order. I used that to make sure I hit lots of areas in this post.
1. LIVE SIMPLY: My main reason for doing this is to add value to other people's lives. Hopefully they will learn how to live more simply, less stressed. Maybe some people will even learn to reduce, and someday eliminate, discontent. I know this past month I have been more calm, breathed slower, got frustrated over things a lot less often, and I learned the true freedom that comes from understanding I can CHOOSE to let it go - material things, bad emotions, frustration, control - let it go, and live simply.
2. RECLAIM TIME: I read how minimalists somehow reclaim time after decluttering their homes, electronics, relationships, and lives. I don't know what exactly filled that time before, but I do find I have more time now than I did a month ago, even though I spent more time decluttering. This is very important since I'm about to fill up a lot more of my time with college classes in another three weeks!
3. LIVE IN THE MOMENT: Another side benefit to this past month is that I'm learning to slow down and live in the moment. When I talk to someone face to face, I'm truly, deeply listening now. I'm not thinking of the next thing to say to keep the conversation going. I'm not thinking of what else I need to do today. I'm in the moment with that person, and I feel closer to those ladies because of it.
4. PURSUING PASSIONS: My passions include travel, spending time with Tim, (and family/friends), seeing live shows/theater, and learning. I have done more of those in the last 3 years or so than ever before, but now that I've identified them as my true passions, I can pursue them more intentionally. After our anniversary trip, that may mean camping with Tim close enough to drive to, or seeing live music with him, or going through the Modern Instrument Museum with him (music is one of Tim's passions).
5. DISCOVER OUR MISSIONS: I was anxious about going back to school but with the things I've seen friends and family going through lately, and living in the moment, I am ready more than ever to get started so I can become a Women's Counselor. I truly feel I was meant to help them. By the way, I also just got approved for a scholarship that will cover half of this semester and half of next semester, so maybe that's some type of confirmation that I'm on the right track.
6. EXPERIENCE REAL FREEDOM: There will be greater freedom when all the kids are out on their own, so downsizing will bring us time and financial freedom, but in this past month, we have gotten our already in-order finances in even better shape (Tim gets credit for this one, not me), and with the scholarship, the next year of school won't be such a big burden either - no loans. That's the beginning of freedom, and now we're actively pursuing it.
7. CREATE MORE-CONSUME LESS: I've been creating intangibles like writing, better, more meaningful conversations, adding value to others, sharing ideas, and yes, buying less stuff. I still will be upgrading a few things as I go, like the shorts I mentioned in a previous post, but it's intentional.
8. FOCUS ON HEALTH: When things in my life start to come together, it's a great time to recommit to my health too. I'm trying to get more sleep (since I don't know how to sleep through the night, or even 6 hours at a time). I'm drinking more water, something I'd gotten off track with doing. I'm eating healthier foods than I already was - more veggies, a few more fruits besides just berries - less dairy, less meat. I'm watching portion sizes. And because I'm not stressed out, I'm not feeling like I'm on some diet, or missing out like I do when I'm too busy.
9. GROWTH: Everyone needs to grow, constantly. If you aren't growing, you're dying. No one stays exactly the same for years and decades. What we read, do, learn, let into our heads, eat, all these contribute to who we will be in the future. I believe the last 30 days I've grown more attentive to the needs of others and increased my desire to help others and to do what I can to make those I care about most to be happy.
10. CONTRIBUTE: I think 4 vanfuls of donations is quite a bit of contributing, along with our regular weekly giving at church. I also am wondering what things I should give or give back to going forward. I've got tentative plans to help out at a soup kitchen, and some other ideas to help my local community. I guess these are the kinds of things you can think about, figure out, and put into action when you have more time and mental freedom.
11. DECLUTTERING: This is a category by itself. In 30 days I've gotten rid of everything I don't need (until my next purging) from clothes to dishes to knick knacks. I've removed unwanted apps and advertising sites from my social media. I've let go of things in my schedule I don't need because they add no value to my life. I wish I could explain how having less stuff makes you feel so much better but I can't. You just have to experience it I guess.
12. PURPOSES: I mentioned my passions and mission, but purpose is more like why I was put on this earth. What gifts and talents have I been given to share and benefit others? I believe I was given a gift of encouragement. I figured out over the last 30 days that although encouraging others comes naturally, I sometimes feel too tired or stressed to offer it to someone who needs it. I've become more aware of the needs of others on a whole new level. I will encourage those more intentionally, even look for people who need it. It's so much better when you take the focus off yourself and focus on others.
*On a more interesting note, according to my blog's stats, in the last 30 days, this blog has been viewed 919 times! from 10 different countries: USA, Poland, Portugal, Canada, France, Ireland, Philippines, Germany, Russia, and India. The truths tend to be universal, so for those of you reading this blog, Thank You for joining me on this journey. Hope you'll stick around for what's next!
So what will August bring? Another 30 day challenge related to Living Simply - baby steps that anyone can do - and then I'll evaluate again at the end of August. Hopefully you'll continue to come back here and maybe even try some of them yourself.
I want the best for you. If you've done anything different over the last 30 days or been inspired to start something new, let me know. As always, I'd love to hear from you.
1. LIVE SIMPLY: My main reason for doing this is to add value to other people's lives. Hopefully they will learn how to live more simply, less stressed. Maybe some people will even learn to reduce, and someday eliminate, discontent. I know this past month I have been more calm, breathed slower, got frustrated over things a lot less often, and I learned the true freedom that comes from understanding I can CHOOSE to let it go - material things, bad emotions, frustration, control - let it go, and live simply.
2. RECLAIM TIME: I read how minimalists somehow reclaim time after decluttering their homes, electronics, relationships, and lives. I don't know what exactly filled that time before, but I do find I have more time now than I did a month ago, even though I spent more time decluttering. This is very important since I'm about to fill up a lot more of my time with college classes in another three weeks!
3. LIVE IN THE MOMENT: Another side benefit to this past month is that I'm learning to slow down and live in the moment. When I talk to someone face to face, I'm truly, deeply listening now. I'm not thinking of the next thing to say to keep the conversation going. I'm not thinking of what else I need to do today. I'm in the moment with that person, and I feel closer to those ladies because of it.
4. PURSUING PASSIONS: My passions include travel, spending time with Tim, (and family/friends), seeing live shows/theater, and learning. I have done more of those in the last 3 years or so than ever before, but now that I've identified them as my true passions, I can pursue them more intentionally. After our anniversary trip, that may mean camping with Tim close enough to drive to, or seeing live music with him, or going through the Modern Instrument Museum with him (music is one of Tim's passions).
5. DISCOVER OUR MISSIONS: I was anxious about going back to school but with the things I've seen friends and family going through lately, and living in the moment, I am ready more than ever to get started so I can become a Women's Counselor. I truly feel I was meant to help them. By the way, I also just got approved for a scholarship that will cover half of this semester and half of next semester, so maybe that's some type of confirmation that I'm on the right track.
6. EXPERIENCE REAL FREEDOM: There will be greater freedom when all the kids are out on their own, so downsizing will bring us time and financial freedom, but in this past month, we have gotten our already in-order finances in even better shape (Tim gets credit for this one, not me), and with the scholarship, the next year of school won't be such a big burden either - no loans. That's the beginning of freedom, and now we're actively pursuing it.
7. CREATE MORE-CONSUME LESS: I've been creating intangibles like writing, better, more meaningful conversations, adding value to others, sharing ideas, and yes, buying less stuff. I still will be upgrading a few things as I go, like the shorts I mentioned in a previous post, but it's intentional.
8. FOCUS ON HEALTH: When things in my life start to come together, it's a great time to recommit to my health too. I'm trying to get more sleep (since I don't know how to sleep through the night, or even 6 hours at a time). I'm drinking more water, something I'd gotten off track with doing. I'm eating healthier foods than I already was - more veggies, a few more fruits besides just berries - less dairy, less meat. I'm watching portion sizes. And because I'm not stressed out, I'm not feeling like I'm on some diet, or missing out like I do when I'm too busy.
9. GROWTH: Everyone needs to grow, constantly. If you aren't growing, you're dying. No one stays exactly the same for years and decades. What we read, do, learn, let into our heads, eat, all these contribute to who we will be in the future. I believe the last 30 days I've grown more attentive to the needs of others and increased my desire to help others and to do what I can to make those I care about most to be happy.
10. CONTRIBUTE: I think 4 vanfuls of donations is quite a bit of contributing, along with our regular weekly giving at church. I also am wondering what things I should give or give back to going forward. I've got tentative plans to help out at a soup kitchen, and some other ideas to help my local community. I guess these are the kinds of things you can think about, figure out, and put into action when you have more time and mental freedom.
11. DECLUTTERING: This is a category by itself. In 30 days I've gotten rid of everything I don't need (until my next purging) from clothes to dishes to knick knacks. I've removed unwanted apps and advertising sites from my social media. I've let go of things in my schedule I don't need because they add no value to my life. I wish I could explain how having less stuff makes you feel so much better but I can't. You just have to experience it I guess.
12. PURPOSES: I mentioned my passions and mission, but purpose is more like why I was put on this earth. What gifts and talents have I been given to share and benefit others? I believe I was given a gift of encouragement. I figured out over the last 30 days that although encouraging others comes naturally, I sometimes feel too tired or stressed to offer it to someone who needs it. I've become more aware of the needs of others on a whole new level. I will encourage those more intentionally, even look for people who need it. It's so much better when you take the focus off yourself and focus on others.
*On a more interesting note, according to my blog's stats, in the last 30 days, this blog has been viewed 919 times! from 10 different countries: USA, Poland, Portugal, Canada, France, Ireland, Philippines, Germany, Russia, and India. The truths tend to be universal, so for those of you reading this blog, Thank You for joining me on this journey. Hope you'll stick around for what's next!
So what will August bring? Another 30 day challenge related to Living Simply - baby steps that anyone can do - and then I'll evaluate again at the end of August. Hopefully you'll continue to come back here and maybe even try some of them yourself.
I want the best for you. If you've done anything different over the last 30 days or been inspired to start something new, let me know. As always, I'd love to hear from you.
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Day 30: Evaluate your last 5 purchases
I like this challenge because it makes us think. It also asks the question AFTER the behavior so your answers can be more honest. So, let's think about and evaluate our last 5 purchases. What were they? By the way, I don't consider food/restaurant/seeing a movie a purchase - I believe the intent here is about material possessions. I thought the photo expressed what advertisers want us to think..."beautiful things, so little time"
Maybe you purchased clothes. Did you need them? Or did you just want them? There's a difference. If you only own a week's worth of clothes and something gets torn, stained, damaged, or doesn't fit, then you probably needed it. If it's just one of hundreds of pieces of clothing, your closets are already full, and you've filled many dresser drawers with clothes, you only wanted it.
Maybe you bought books. I love books. I love reading. Did you try to buy the book second-hand? Maybe a used copy on Amazon.com or something? Did you see if the library had it? Or did you just buy it. Maybe it was a new book that just came out and that was your only option, or you needed to save time searching for a used one, so you bought new. It happens. But what will you do with it after you read it? Will you donate it? Pass it on to a friend or relative that's interested in it? Or will it clutter the shelves with hundreds of others you've already (or worse, will never get to) and although the collection looks impressive, you wouldn't want to have to move it again?
Did you buy decor for your house/office/place of business? This one is tricky. If it was an intentional purchase that fit and brought you value for more than just the quick 5 minute high you got purchasing it and placing it somewhere, then you did it with purpose. If you saw it, and on a whim decided to buy it, after all it was "on sale", and you've walked by it every day since you brought it home without a glance or even a second thought, it's just one more thing cluttering up your home/space.
What about if it was some doodad, some little thing without meaning or reason? You saw it and again, on a whim decided since it was "on sale" you "had to have it". Again, this was probably a want and not a need.
So what about MY last 5 purchases? Let's take a look:
1. I bought dishes for my brother. He's coming to live with us in about 6 weeks and has food allergies. I didn't want him eating off ours and getting sick. I bought them new so they're clean, and although they're nice, they aren't expensive. I bought a small service for 4, not some massive set.
2. I bought a set of 4 glasses for my brother. Same as above.
3. I bought a small set of silverware for 4 for my brother. Same as above.
4. I bought a pair of denim shorts. This was a trade off for the ones I'm throwing away. I've had the old ones for over 5 years, they're at least a size or two too big, they barely stay on. The edges are ripping. It's time for a replacement. I bought them new but at a discount store (Ross? I think).
5. I bought a movie, the original Music Man from the 1960s. The whole family loves that movie, my daughter wanted it for her birthday and didn't get it from the person she mentioned it to, so she's actually keeping it as a late birthday gift. It won't be adding to my stuff. Was this a need instead of a want, probably, however, last night I sat down with my daughter and 23 year old son to watch it together. I can't remember the last time I got multiple family members to sit together to watch a movie together, especially HIM. Maybe I spent $12 on it, but it gave us a family experience that I may not have again at their ages. It was great to share laughs and jokes while watching it. To me, that was worth it for the cost of one movie ticket. I feel I paid for the rare experience, not the movie itself, and again, it won't be added to my collection.
What will my next few purchases be? Intentional. They'll probably be clothes since I'm down to just 30 items in my closet, and I have no casual dress, no skirts, and my one formal dress it too long and outdated. When will I buy them? Not now just because I realize I don't have them. I'll wait until I feel I need them, then I'll shop discount stores for them. If I was a guy I suppose jeans and shirts could be bought on ebay or something, but if I can't try it on, I'm not buying it. No online clothes shopping for me. It didn't work out 3 out of 3 times.
So what were your last 5 purchases, and how do you feel about them today?
By the way, the challenge isn't over. Tomorrow I'll do a Rearview Mirror of the last month, and tell you what I'll be doing for a daily challenge/focus/living simply thing in August...so stay tuned.
Saturday, July 29, 2017
Minimalist Challenge Day 29: Turn off notifications
According to statistics just released earlier this month, Americans check their cell phones 110 times a day on average, which means although you may be one of the few that check it less than that, there are many others who check it much more than that! Why are we addicted to our cell phones? Does it make us feel connected by reading strangers' posts? Does it make us feel more important if something we post gets enough "likes" or "shares"? Have our attention spans gotten so short that we can't sit still for 3 minutes without pulling out our phones, ESPECIALLY WHILE DRIVING!!! But that's for another post someday.
We in America have become so addicted that the statistics are terrifying, according to one article (of many):
10 Terrifying statistics about cell phone addiction
How can you learn to live simply when you complicate your life on purpose this way? Today's challenge is to shut off notifications. I know the first objections will be things like, "I need it for work." That's not what I mean. I mean shut off notifications on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, or whatever other social media you're on. You can still make a point to go to that app and use it, but you don't need it to make your phone go off every few minutes all day long when most of it is frivolous stuff - things like notifications telling you someone "liked" your post, or some product or company just posted on their page, or a friend of a friend commented on something you posted a week ago. Let it go. Turn them off for a day.
What about if we turned our phones completely off either while driving to our next destination, or else during the next time we sit down to eat with our family, friends, or relatives? You know what? There are still millions of us around who've lived long enough to remember life before cell phones. I know this will be hard for people under 30 to believe, but we still managed to get where we were going. We knew how to have conversations. We went to gatherings and parties and barbecues without wondering who was commenting on something someone else said who wasn't even there. We at dinner without interruptions, and if the house phone did ring, you let it go to the answering machine. People waited in line at the grocery store for 5 minutes without having to see what was going on in Beyonce's life (or whoever was popular at the time). People took their toddlers to the park and WATCHED them, interacted with them, instead of now how they let them run off while they stare at their phone screen. We found ways to kill time in doctor's offices and dentist offices - we read books, or did crossword puzzles, or talked to people around us. We did things to make us smarter. I cringe at the whole attitude of "here's my mind, fill it with whatever you want, entertain me!"
I'm not against cell phones but to live simply, you have to see it differently. It's a tool. If my car breaks down, I have it to call for help. If I need to tell someone I'm running late (before I leave or after I pull over somewhere), then fine. If I need a map because I'm not in a city laid out in a grid with major intersections for markers, great. But my phone is for MY convenience. It's not for everyone in the world who wants to call me, not for telemarketers to sell me things, not for strangers to notify me of things unsolicited. It's for ME. It's so I can speak to those closest to me and they can reach me when they need to, or during the only time they have to speak to me because of their job.
Take a day and shut off your notifications. See what a day is like when you finally pick your head up and look around. See the beauty in nature around you, the architecture in the buildings you pass, the faces of the people you often ignore as they serve you your food, or coffee, or ring up your purchases. Treat people like they're more important than scrolling through social media, because they are.
Like you always hear from The Minimalists, Joshua Fields Milburne and Ryan Nicodemus, "Love people and use things because the opposite never works."
We in America have become so addicted that the statistics are terrifying, according to one article (of many):
10 Terrifying statistics about cell phone addiction
How can you learn to live simply when you complicate your life on purpose this way? Today's challenge is to shut off notifications. I know the first objections will be things like, "I need it for work." That's not what I mean. I mean shut off notifications on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, or whatever other social media you're on. You can still make a point to go to that app and use it, but you don't need it to make your phone go off every few minutes all day long when most of it is frivolous stuff - things like notifications telling you someone "liked" your post, or some product or company just posted on their page, or a friend of a friend commented on something you posted a week ago. Let it go. Turn them off for a day.
What about if we turned our phones completely off either while driving to our next destination, or else during the next time we sit down to eat with our family, friends, or relatives? You know what? There are still millions of us around who've lived long enough to remember life before cell phones. I know this will be hard for people under 30 to believe, but we still managed to get where we were going. We knew how to have conversations. We went to gatherings and parties and barbecues without wondering who was commenting on something someone else said who wasn't even there. We at dinner without interruptions, and if the house phone did ring, you let it go to the answering machine. People waited in line at the grocery store for 5 minutes without having to see what was going on in Beyonce's life (or whoever was popular at the time). People took their toddlers to the park and WATCHED them, interacted with them, instead of now how they let them run off while they stare at their phone screen. We found ways to kill time in doctor's offices and dentist offices - we read books, or did crossword puzzles, or talked to people around us. We did things to make us smarter. I cringe at the whole attitude of "here's my mind, fill it with whatever you want, entertain me!"
I'm not against cell phones but to live simply, you have to see it differently. It's a tool. If my car breaks down, I have it to call for help. If I need to tell someone I'm running late (before I leave or after I pull over somewhere), then fine. If I need a map because I'm not in a city laid out in a grid with major intersections for markers, great. But my phone is for MY convenience. It's not for everyone in the world who wants to call me, not for telemarketers to sell me things, not for strangers to notify me of things unsolicited. It's for ME. It's so I can speak to those closest to me and they can reach me when they need to, or during the only time they have to speak to me because of their job.
Take a day and shut off your notifications. See what a day is like when you finally pick your head up and look around. See the beauty in nature around you, the architecture in the buildings you pass, the faces of the people you often ignore as they serve you your food, or coffee, or ring up your purchases. Treat people like they're more important than scrolling through social media, because they are.
Like you always hear from The Minimalists, Joshua Fields Milburne and Ryan Nicodemus, "Love people and use things because the opposite never works."
Friday, July 28, 2017
Minimalism Challenge Day 28: Let Go of a Goal
In this crazy busy world of goal-setting gurus offering to help make you rich by reaching your goals for internet traffic to your site, or by using sales strategies, or fitness challenges, why would I want to "let go of a goal"? Here's why:
Although I am a list-maker, planner, and I'm very organized, I don't necessarily need traditional goals for what I do. I could set goals for how many books to read in a year, or how many pounds to lose in a set time frame, or a date in the future to see all 50 states, etc., but why? As I'm learning to live simply I need to figure out what's most important to me, what adds value to my life, and how to live intentionally and purposefully. Yes, I'm following a minimalist mindset now but it's not about the number of items you own, it's about intentionally living out your passion and purpose. To do that, I need to be able to let go of goals OTHER PEOPLE think I should have. Just spend a few minutes reading articles on any media platform and you'll see all kinds of things you "should" be doing. You should read more, workout until you're punishing your body, have face to face conversations with everyone you call a friend or relative, use the latest apps, watch the most popular shows, buy the latest thing, move towards a bigger house, consider buying the most expensive cars advertised, buy thousands of dollars worth of gifts for holidays (think: He went to Jared!), be on a monthly standing order for everything from shoes and clothes to toys for your pet, get your food ordered through a service that shows up weekly, start a blog, start a business from home, spend more quality time parenting, check out your local attractions, have date night with your spouse or partner, pray more, volunteer more, donate more, get involved in civic organizations, write your congressmen, and the list goes on forever. We can't do it all. While none of these things are necessarily bad in and of themselves (although some I would argue do more harm than good), you need to figure out what your responsibilities really are for you and your family, what adds value to your life, and what passions you'd like to pursue. You should make personal time for those closest to you but not everyone you know at the expense of those you love. If you're responsible for the roof over your family's head, then quitting work to pursue a hobby like fishing isn't what we're talking about here. If you're responsible for handling the finances of your household, then pursuing traveling around the world on credit cards isn't the answer. There is a balance, a way to live simply, and it involves getting rid of the "extra" stuff in your life - that can mean clutter, wardrobe, activities, or just saying no to things that you don't have to say yes to because others expect it.
I will be going back to college in a few weeks so what am I letting go of today? I'm letting go of the number of books I think I need to read. I'll keep reading as aggressively as time and desire allow, but when I need to be reading my textbooks instead, I'll let go of the normal guilt associated with that. Yes, I feel guilty whenever I'm not trying to better myself. I've spent the last 45 years or so always feeling I had to prove myself, or validate that I'm important. I've been told throughout the years, in many ways, that if you don't bring in a paycheck you're not valuable, you're not as important, or your time is not as important. I'm done with that. What I do and have done for the past 2 to 3 decades has been very important in the lives of others. I no longer need to worry about what others think of how I spend my time. At almost 50 years old, I'm a grown up and I will decide what's best for me.
Another goal I'm letting go of is learning Spanish (for now). It's getting changed from a goal to a hobby. I hate the guilt associated when I feel I'm "falling behind where I should be" because other things are more urgent and important. If it's a hobby, it can be enjoyable again. No one wants to start hating something they took on because they wanted the fun adventure of it. As a hobby, I'll continue to pursue it, but only when it becomes that day's important/passion thing.
Trim Healthy Mama is the eating plan I use. The best lesson it taught me is that setting goals of numbers on the scale just leads to frustration and quitting in most cases. It's more about health, strength, endurance, stabilizing blood sugar levels, avoiding sugar, gluten, and artificial chemicals & sweeteners. I have seen hundreds of cases now where 3 or more women weight the exact same amount on a scale and look totally different because of how they carry it, how tall they are, etc. I don't care what number the scale says or doesn't say if I'm healthier and dropping sizes. I have gone down 3 sizes and never saw a single pound come off the scale. I've also had 15 pounds drop off yet my normal size was getting tight from bloating eating prepackaged or restaurant foods too often. I let go of pound goals. I do keep track for health's sake but it's not a goal, no set date in mind, I just try to live simply - taking one day at a time, making good decisions on food and workouts every day instead of cramming for a date/number.
What goals did you set that may not truly reflect something that adds value or joy to your life? What should you let go of to be happier without losing focus on the important?
Although I am a list-maker, planner, and I'm very organized, I don't necessarily need traditional goals for what I do. I could set goals for how many books to read in a year, or how many pounds to lose in a set time frame, or a date in the future to see all 50 states, etc., but why? As I'm learning to live simply I need to figure out what's most important to me, what adds value to my life, and how to live intentionally and purposefully. Yes, I'm following a minimalist mindset now but it's not about the number of items you own, it's about intentionally living out your passion and purpose. To do that, I need to be able to let go of goals OTHER PEOPLE think I should have. Just spend a few minutes reading articles on any media platform and you'll see all kinds of things you "should" be doing. You should read more, workout until you're punishing your body, have face to face conversations with everyone you call a friend or relative, use the latest apps, watch the most popular shows, buy the latest thing, move towards a bigger house, consider buying the most expensive cars advertised, buy thousands of dollars worth of gifts for holidays (think: He went to Jared!), be on a monthly standing order for everything from shoes and clothes to toys for your pet, get your food ordered through a service that shows up weekly, start a blog, start a business from home, spend more quality time parenting, check out your local attractions, have date night with your spouse or partner, pray more, volunteer more, donate more, get involved in civic organizations, write your congressmen, and the list goes on forever. We can't do it all. While none of these things are necessarily bad in and of themselves (although some I would argue do more harm than good), you need to figure out what your responsibilities really are for you and your family, what adds value to your life, and what passions you'd like to pursue. You should make personal time for those closest to you but not everyone you know at the expense of those you love. If you're responsible for the roof over your family's head, then quitting work to pursue a hobby like fishing isn't what we're talking about here. If you're responsible for handling the finances of your household, then pursuing traveling around the world on credit cards isn't the answer. There is a balance, a way to live simply, and it involves getting rid of the "extra" stuff in your life - that can mean clutter, wardrobe, activities, or just saying no to things that you don't have to say yes to because others expect it.
I will be going back to college in a few weeks so what am I letting go of today? I'm letting go of the number of books I think I need to read. I'll keep reading as aggressively as time and desire allow, but when I need to be reading my textbooks instead, I'll let go of the normal guilt associated with that. Yes, I feel guilty whenever I'm not trying to better myself. I've spent the last 45 years or so always feeling I had to prove myself, or validate that I'm important. I've been told throughout the years, in many ways, that if you don't bring in a paycheck you're not valuable, you're not as important, or your time is not as important. I'm done with that. What I do and have done for the past 2 to 3 decades has been very important in the lives of others. I no longer need to worry about what others think of how I spend my time. At almost 50 years old, I'm a grown up and I will decide what's best for me.
Another goal I'm letting go of is learning Spanish (for now). It's getting changed from a goal to a hobby. I hate the guilt associated when I feel I'm "falling behind where I should be" because other things are more urgent and important. If it's a hobby, it can be enjoyable again. No one wants to start hating something they took on because they wanted the fun adventure of it. As a hobby, I'll continue to pursue it, but only when it becomes that day's important/passion thing.
Trim Healthy Mama is the eating plan I use. The best lesson it taught me is that setting goals of numbers on the scale just leads to frustration and quitting in most cases. It's more about health, strength, endurance, stabilizing blood sugar levels, avoiding sugar, gluten, and artificial chemicals & sweeteners. I have seen hundreds of cases now where 3 or more women weight the exact same amount on a scale and look totally different because of how they carry it, how tall they are, etc. I don't care what number the scale says or doesn't say if I'm healthier and dropping sizes. I have gone down 3 sizes and never saw a single pound come off the scale. I've also had 15 pounds drop off yet my normal size was getting tight from bloating eating prepackaged or restaurant foods too often. I let go of pound goals. I do keep track for health's sake but it's not a goal, no set date in mind, I just try to live simply - taking one day at a time, making good decisions on food and workouts every day instead of cramming for a date/number.
What goals did you set that may not truly reflect something that adds value or joy to your life? What should you let go of to be happier without losing focus on the important?
Thursday, July 27, 2017
Minimalist Challenge Day 27: Clean out a junk drawer
Next I went through the cards I kept in my drawer. I don't save every card, but I do have about a dozen or so favorites with personal notes written in them, or given to me by a special group of ladies who each wrote something for my birthdays, or ones where Tim wrote something in it, and a few I just love. I keep one from my Grandmother because it's from her and one of the last ones where she could still see well enough to write something. I tossed the ones I didn't need to keep.
I then went through miscellaneous stuff like old cell phones and chargers, cameras, candles, and other trinkets I'd been holding onto. None of it brings value to my life nor joy anymore. They've been replaced by better ones over the years, so most of that went too. Now I have so little in there, it can coexist with my socks and stuff like that in one drawer. In fact, both my husband and I pared down our dresser drawers so much that we each now only use a 3-drawer dresser each, and emptied both of our tall 5-drawer dressers to give to my mother when she moves in this fall. That's it - 3 drawers, and about 30 hanging items in the closet - I own no other clothes and it makes getting dressed so much easier. I like almost everything I own, I'll replace a few things, like getting rid of an outdated formal dress to buy a newer one (probably at a discount or thrift clothing store, or on clearance), and I'd like to add one casual dress in place of a pair of pants and a shirt.
I suppose most people's junk drawers are in the kitchen, right? Ours used to be. In it there's usually pens, rubber bands, screwdrivers and pliers, loose nails and screws, bread ties, twist ties, fast food sauce and condiment packets, odd little plastic things we don't remember what they go to but they might be important "some day", etc. Other than holding onto maybe a few working writing utensils, a few rubber bands, putting tools where they belong, the rest usually can be thrown out. It's just a bunch of junk we throw in a drawer instead of in the trash, and we almost never get back to it. One of the best rules I've heard from The Minimalists is the 20/20 rule: If you can replace it for under $20 in under 20 minutes, toss it. (Maybe you'd make it a 30/30 rule or something if you live 30 miles from the nearest town?)
What will you toss out of your junk drawer? If not today, can you get to it this weekend? Can you start the new month with less? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Minimalism Challenge Day 26: Identify your stress triggers
So 26 days into this Minimalism challenge I find myself living move simply, more relaxed, more at peace, yet still productive. It's possible to be less busy but still get everything done you need to, so I guess I cut out wasted time, or said no to things I would've said yes to, or just stayed more focused on the important things.
Today's challenge is to identify your stress triggers. I will say, about 6 months ago, I had a lot of them. Now that I'm living intentionally, I actually find myself less stressed. It wasn't as easy to find stress triggers today. Granted, I'm at a point where my entire family is not home almost every day, or at least most of the day when they are here, so I have an unusual amount of alone time - first time in my life, really, and I'm so enjoying the quiet times.
The challenge is still there so let's get to it. Here's my top 3, but not necessarily in any particular order:
1. People who carelessly waste my time - I've mentioned this in an earlier post. I understand if things get delayed, or post-poned, or are running late, but it's the CARELESS wasting of my time that causes me stress. If I'm your customer, don't ignore me while you stand there having a personal conversation with another employee or texting on your phone. I came to you for a purpose, with cash to trade for a service or product. I did not show up to lose an extra 10 minutes because you're bored so you're talking about your last day off or upcoming weekend or where you went out with your friends - as I stand there waiting. You get the idea.
2. Bad drivers - There's no way to express how much this one gets to me, although I AM working on letting a lot of it go, but I'm not there yet. Don't cut across 3 lanes of traffic at the last possible second to make an exit you knew was coming up ten minutes ago. Don't change lanes to get 6" in front of me when there wasn't anyone in your lane in front of you, nor the lane on the other side of you. Don't drift into my lane and almost hit me because you're staring at your phone screen instead of paying attention to driving. Don't slam on your breaks on the highway, almost totaling my car, when traffic comes to a stop because you again, were looking at your phone and didn't realize we were all going 30 mph instead of 75 mph like you were. I don't mind slow drivers, I can just go around, passing on the LEFT which is legal. DON'T pass on the RIGHT, ever!
3. Changing my "schedule" over and over - I'm getting better with this one, but it's always been a pet peeve and here's why: I've stated before, I'm a planner. I'm a thinker and an over-thinker. If I have a schedule, it's been thought through. I've taken lots of things into consideration you don't know about. I have to work around other things you again, know nothing about. Don't tell me what time to expect you, or meet you somewhere, and then change your plans randomly, for no other reason other than you just felt like doing something different, then call and expect me to immediately drop everything and leave now.
Disclaimer #1: My husband has every right to do this to me any time he needs to. He cannot predict what day or time he'll need to be picked up because his schedule is dictated by weather, his job, traffic, responsibilities, and other things beyond his control. He's learned to be very respectful of my time by giving me a ballpark day & time to pick him up for his weekend off, then update me as the day goes on so I know more and more accurately how the day will unfold. This allows me to readjust my own responsibilities so we are synchronized. And I appreciate it so much!
As for everyone else, be respectful of my time. If you know you'll be here a week in advance, and want to stop in, call me so I can be here. If you know you told me you'd be here at 4 pm and you left hours earlier and will be here 3 hours early, let me know 3 hours earlier that plans changed. Please don't call and say you're on your way and will be here unexpectedly in 10 minutes. It's not fair to me and it adds a lot of stress to an organized person.
Disclaimer #2: My in-laws are the exception to this. They are 200 miles, 3 1/2 hours away. Anything can happen from traffic jams, to a cancelled meeting near me, etc. so if they didn't know they'd have time to stop by and suddenly they do - they're welcome to stop in and I'll try my best to be here. Our family is so grateful for all they've done through the years, especially in our most dire of circumstances, that they get a free pass on this one.
Old pet peeves I used to have that I've learned to let go of (I think) are things like the old lady counting out her pennies at the grocery store because her purse is "too heavy" when she's got a wad of bills in her hand and there's 6 people behind her waiting in the only open lane. I still am in shock when people speak their minds without any thought of how what they say makes them look or others feel. You've seen the YouTube videos gone viral of rants, people who freak out on employees, and you've been at the party where someone loudly yells at and insults another guest in front of everyone making everyone there uncomfortable. I still don't like it, but it doesn't stress me out anymore. I still don't like traffic jams that are caused by people staring at a car pulled over with a flat tire like it's some life threatening multi vehicle homicide scene, backing up traffic for 6 exits. I don't like it, but I'm not yelling at everyone to "Come on! Go!" anymore. I used to get stressed over getting home and finding out something I paid for at the store is not in my bag when I get home. It's usually some item under $3 and my time is worth more than that, so I let it go.
What kinds of things do you get stressed over? Are they something that won't even matter a year from now? Will it matter a month from now? Will it matter a day from now? Will it even matter in just 5 minutes from now? Then stop stressing and let it go. Learn to live simply and you'll find the peace you've been missing in your life.
Today's challenge is to identify your stress triggers. I will say, about 6 months ago, I had a lot of them. Now that I'm living intentionally, I actually find myself less stressed. It wasn't as easy to find stress triggers today. Granted, I'm at a point where my entire family is not home almost every day, or at least most of the day when they are here, so I have an unusual amount of alone time - first time in my life, really, and I'm so enjoying the quiet times.
The challenge is still there so let's get to it. Here's my top 3, but not necessarily in any particular order:
1. People who carelessly waste my time - I've mentioned this in an earlier post. I understand if things get delayed, or post-poned, or are running late, but it's the CARELESS wasting of my time that causes me stress. If I'm your customer, don't ignore me while you stand there having a personal conversation with another employee or texting on your phone. I came to you for a purpose, with cash to trade for a service or product. I did not show up to lose an extra 10 minutes because you're bored so you're talking about your last day off or upcoming weekend or where you went out with your friends - as I stand there waiting. You get the idea.
2. Bad drivers - There's no way to express how much this one gets to me, although I AM working on letting a lot of it go, but I'm not there yet. Don't cut across 3 lanes of traffic at the last possible second to make an exit you knew was coming up ten minutes ago. Don't change lanes to get 6" in front of me when there wasn't anyone in your lane in front of you, nor the lane on the other side of you. Don't drift into my lane and almost hit me because you're staring at your phone screen instead of paying attention to driving. Don't slam on your breaks on the highway, almost totaling my car, when traffic comes to a stop because you again, were looking at your phone and didn't realize we were all going 30 mph instead of 75 mph like you were. I don't mind slow drivers, I can just go around, passing on the LEFT which is legal. DON'T pass on the RIGHT, ever!
3. Changing my "schedule" over and over - I'm getting better with this one, but it's always been a pet peeve and here's why: I've stated before, I'm a planner. I'm a thinker and an over-thinker. If I have a schedule, it's been thought through. I've taken lots of things into consideration you don't know about. I have to work around other things you again, know nothing about. Don't tell me what time to expect you, or meet you somewhere, and then change your plans randomly, for no other reason other than you just felt like doing something different, then call and expect me to immediately drop everything and leave now.
Disclaimer #1: My husband has every right to do this to me any time he needs to. He cannot predict what day or time he'll need to be picked up because his schedule is dictated by weather, his job, traffic, responsibilities, and other things beyond his control. He's learned to be very respectful of my time by giving me a ballpark day & time to pick him up for his weekend off, then update me as the day goes on so I know more and more accurately how the day will unfold. This allows me to readjust my own responsibilities so we are synchronized. And I appreciate it so much!
As for everyone else, be respectful of my time. If you know you'll be here a week in advance, and want to stop in, call me so I can be here. If you know you told me you'd be here at 4 pm and you left hours earlier and will be here 3 hours early, let me know 3 hours earlier that plans changed. Please don't call and say you're on your way and will be here unexpectedly in 10 minutes. It's not fair to me and it adds a lot of stress to an organized person.
Disclaimer #2: My in-laws are the exception to this. They are 200 miles, 3 1/2 hours away. Anything can happen from traffic jams, to a cancelled meeting near me, etc. so if they didn't know they'd have time to stop by and suddenly they do - they're welcome to stop in and I'll try my best to be here. Our family is so grateful for all they've done through the years, especially in our most dire of circumstances, that they get a free pass on this one.
Old pet peeves I used to have that I've learned to let go of (I think) are things like the old lady counting out her pennies at the grocery store because her purse is "too heavy" when she's got a wad of bills in her hand and there's 6 people behind her waiting in the only open lane. I still am in shock when people speak their minds without any thought of how what they say makes them look or others feel. You've seen the YouTube videos gone viral of rants, people who freak out on employees, and you've been at the party where someone loudly yells at and insults another guest in front of everyone making everyone there uncomfortable. I still don't like it, but it doesn't stress me out anymore. I still don't like traffic jams that are caused by people staring at a car pulled over with a flat tire like it's some life threatening multi vehicle homicide scene, backing up traffic for 6 exits. I don't like it, but I'm not yelling at everyone to "Come on! Go!" anymore. I used to get stressed over getting home and finding out something I paid for at the store is not in my bag when I get home. It's usually some item under $3 and my time is worth more than that, so I let it go.
What kinds of things do you get stressed over? Are they something that won't even matter a year from now? Will it matter a month from now? Will it matter a day from now? Will it even matter in just 5 minutes from now? Then stop stressing and let it go. Learn to live simply and you'll find the peace you've been missing in your life.
Tuesday, July 25, 2017
Minimalism Challenge Day 25: Leave a whole day unplanned.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm not just a thinker, I'm an over-thinker. I live by lists and schedules and planners. I always have from about age 25 on. The thought of leaving a whole day unplanned would have seemed scary in the past, how would I ever get anything done?, but now I find I'm beginning to enjoy living simply.
I still had to be at my Ladies' Bible Study today. It's where I've been every Tuesday morning (with a brief hiatus when we moved out of town temporarily) for almost 15 years. I've never missed going unless I was out of town or had no way to get there (if the car had broken down that morning). Planning or not, I was going.
When I got home, I made a vegetarian lunch, a salad with cottage cheese and a greens drink. Something the Minimalists said once was, "Eating is not an event." Ever since then, it's easier to look at what I eat as nothing more than fuel, like putting gas in the car. It's not an event, a treat, a comfort, or anything else. It's simply fuel. If I put the right fuel in, my body will respond positively. If I don't, it won't.
After that I thought about what I felt like doing. I wanted to watch a video of a speaker I'd heard about but it's not available just yet, so I listened to The Minimalists podcast like I do every Tuesday (and every other day for a while until I was caught up). I enjoy it, and I usually do important but non-urgent things on the computer while I listen. I heard the same message on the podcast that I heard on Sunday at church. Fear causes us to think delusional thoughts about the past - or put another way - when we remember the past, we tend to forget all the flaws that went with it, and remember it better than it truly was at the time. When I hear the same thing multiple times in a week or less, I tend to pick up on it, think about it, and see how to apply it. I mentioned I was an over-thinker, right?
Afterwards, I got the mail, pet the cat for a while, and did the dishes in the sink. I then read the first few pages of a new book I'm reading. No particular plan, no order, no list, just wandering through the day and thinking, "What should I do now?" I still want to live intentionally, just not slave to a schedule today.
I balanced the checkbook, went over travel plans coming up for both my husband, my son and his soon to be wife, and our anniversary trip in September. Once I confirmed everything was done, paid for, on the planner and calendar, I could let it go for a long time. Nothing more to do there.
It's now mid afternoon and I'm blogging about my day. I have no plans tonight other than to watch baseball, of course. The game is at 6:40pm, I'll plan for that. Otherwise, I don't know what I'm making for dinner - but that's okay if it's not an event. It'll be something we have on hand, something that will use up what needs to be used up, healthy, and something that will fuel my body until tomorrow's breakfast.
It feels nice to let go of my usual rigid list making and scheduling, but I worry without doing that, I'll forget important things. I'll return to my schedule tomorrow, but I think I'll only put 5 or less MUST DO things on my list. I'll do what's both important and urgent, then what's important but not urgent. Once those are done, then I'm free to pursue other things.
I do have a trip to the lake planned this week, but whether I go on Wed, Thurs, or Fri is irrelevant. I'm going alone, so any of those work. I'll go when I feel it's the best day to go.
What would you do on an unplanned day?
I still had to be at my Ladies' Bible Study today. It's where I've been every Tuesday morning (with a brief hiatus when we moved out of town temporarily) for almost 15 years. I've never missed going unless I was out of town or had no way to get there (if the car had broken down that morning). Planning or not, I was going.
When I got home, I made a vegetarian lunch, a salad with cottage cheese and a greens drink. Something the Minimalists said once was, "Eating is not an event." Ever since then, it's easier to look at what I eat as nothing more than fuel, like putting gas in the car. It's not an event, a treat, a comfort, or anything else. It's simply fuel. If I put the right fuel in, my body will respond positively. If I don't, it won't.
After that I thought about what I felt like doing. I wanted to watch a video of a speaker I'd heard about but it's not available just yet, so I listened to The Minimalists podcast like I do every Tuesday (and every other day for a while until I was caught up). I enjoy it, and I usually do important but non-urgent things on the computer while I listen. I heard the same message on the podcast that I heard on Sunday at church. Fear causes us to think delusional thoughts about the past - or put another way - when we remember the past, we tend to forget all the flaws that went with it, and remember it better than it truly was at the time. When I hear the same thing multiple times in a week or less, I tend to pick up on it, think about it, and see how to apply it. I mentioned I was an over-thinker, right?
Afterwards, I got the mail, pet the cat for a while, and did the dishes in the sink. I then read the first few pages of a new book I'm reading. No particular plan, no order, no list, just wandering through the day and thinking, "What should I do now?" I still want to live intentionally, just not slave to a schedule today.
I balanced the checkbook, went over travel plans coming up for both my husband, my son and his soon to be wife, and our anniversary trip in September. Once I confirmed everything was done, paid for, on the planner and calendar, I could let it go for a long time. Nothing more to do there.
It's now mid afternoon and I'm blogging about my day. I have no plans tonight other than to watch baseball, of course. The game is at 6:40pm, I'll plan for that. Otherwise, I don't know what I'm making for dinner - but that's okay if it's not an event. It'll be something we have on hand, something that will use up what needs to be used up, healthy, and something that will fuel my body until tomorrow's breakfast.
It feels nice to let go of my usual rigid list making and scheduling, but I worry without doing that, I'll forget important things. I'll return to my schedule tomorrow, but I think I'll only put 5 or less MUST DO things on my list. I'll do what's both important and urgent, then what's important but not urgent. Once those are done, then I'm free to pursue other things.
I do have a trip to the lake planned this week, but whether I go on Wed, Thurs, or Fri is irrelevant. I'm going alone, so any of those work. I'll go when I feel it's the best day to go.
What would you do on an unplanned day?
Monday, July 24, 2017
Day 24: Go Bare-Faced
Okay, this challenge is not fair. If you're a guy, nothing changes. If you're a woman, you look often dramatically different bare-faced, or people hound you all day asking, "What's wrong?" or stating how tired you look. It would've been easier if makeup had never been invented. Okay, maybe not.
Today I had to host our ladies' small group study at church. I didn't wear makeup. Truthfully, I have almost non-existent eye lashes so I was hoping last night's mascara was still there. I didn't do my usual eye shadow, dark pinkish/beige lipstick, no new mascara, just me. I wondered how well it would go over. I'm blessed with a small group of women who could care less how each other looks and we're more concerned about how we're all doing - the important stuff - how are we growing? how's the latest problem going? do we need help with anything? etc.
I didn't really feel any different a few minutes in, so I guess it was fairly simple, but what if I was a professional 20 something who usually lives under a thick mask of color and techniques to alter my looks? I think that could be very scary, especially for a self-conscious person, or someone who normally covers scars or birthmarks, or someone who can only get through her day if she believes she looks "normal" with all the extra makeup. But what if you're a guy...
I think if a guy were doing this challenge, they could do something like go out without hair product in their hair, if they normally do. Maybe if they're usually clean-shaven, they could go out with the overnight stubble still there? Maybe it's something simple like sneakers instead of dress shoes with those fancy designer jeans? It's definitely something to think about to make it a fair challenge.
I think the point though is that we should go through the day being ourselves, not hiding behind a mask. We should be open and honest about where we're at, or who we are, without trying to cover it up so we think we look like we think others expect us to look. We worry too much about what others think of us when in reality, they aren't thinking anything! They're too busy worrying about how they look to everyone else to worry about it.
How about a fair challenge where you, as a person, regardless of gender, just take a day to be who you are without trying to be someone else?
Today I had to host our ladies' small group study at church. I didn't wear makeup. Truthfully, I have almost non-existent eye lashes so I was hoping last night's mascara was still there. I didn't do my usual eye shadow, dark pinkish/beige lipstick, no new mascara, just me. I wondered how well it would go over. I'm blessed with a small group of women who could care less how each other looks and we're more concerned about how we're all doing - the important stuff - how are we growing? how's the latest problem going? do we need help with anything? etc.
I didn't really feel any different a few minutes in, so I guess it was fairly simple, but what if I was a professional 20 something who usually lives under a thick mask of color and techniques to alter my looks? I think that could be very scary, especially for a self-conscious person, or someone who normally covers scars or birthmarks, or someone who can only get through her day if she believes she looks "normal" with all the extra makeup. But what if you're a guy...
I think if a guy were doing this challenge, they could do something like go out without hair product in their hair, if they normally do. Maybe if they're usually clean-shaven, they could go out with the overnight stubble still there? Maybe it's something simple like sneakers instead of dress shoes with those fancy designer jeans? It's definitely something to think about to make it a fair challenge.
I think the point though is that we should go through the day being ourselves, not hiding behind a mask. We should be open and honest about where we're at, or who we are, without trying to cover it up so we think we look like we think others expect us to look. We worry too much about what others think of us when in reality, they aren't thinking anything! They're too busy worrying about how they look to everyone else to worry about it.
How about a fair challenge where you, as a person, regardless of gender, just take a day to be who you are without trying to be someone else?
Sunday, July 23, 2017
Day 23: (switched with tomorrow) Practice Gratitude
I had too many places to be today to go bare-faced, so that'll have to be tomorrow when I go out. Today was the perfect day to Practice Gratitude, though.
Being thankful and grateful are a HUGE part of my life. Maybe it's like the old saying that those who have had very little, or been through a lot, have the most to be grateful for in good times? That's certainly the case for me. I grew up poor, in the center of a lot of disfunction, being told things that no little kid should be told. I've been through a lot of bad things as a teenager, and had to deal with and work though the most difficult things in my adult life. But still, I'm fully aware that so many other people have it worse than I ever did. For that, I have every reason to be thankful. As my beautiful friend born in Tanzania says, "At least you have a roof." How's that for perspective?! She said it once when we first went for coffee together, and after sharing we both had been through more than anyone would imagine - even though our stories are VERY different - we are both grateful for the very little things in life.
There is a book, which also was made into a movie, both with a "part 2" book/movie called The Ultimate Gift/The Ultimate Life. It's excellent and worth watching the movie with everyone you know. In it, the main character has lessons to learn (the hard way) to inherit millions of dollars. One of the things he's told to do is to make a list every day of 10 things to be thankful/grateful for. What would YOUR list look like?
I'll show you what a day might look like on my list:
1. My faith - without it, I have no hope, life is meaningless, what's the point, why am I here?
2. My family - some days it's my household, husband & adult kids, others it's my siblings and Mom,
other days it's my extended family that makes me smile by just remembering good times we've
had together.
3. My friends - I have lots of acquaintances, quite a few friends, but I also am blessed with a smaller
circle of dear, close friends who know the real me. They understand my motives, my good intentions when I mess up, and that I never mean to say or do something hurtful to them. They get me.
4. My home - I'm so thankful for my home. I've lived in much smaller places, a trailer, a farmhouse, a condo, an apartment, a small house 50 years old, large multifamily homes over 100 years old, I've even lost my house during the whole Bank of America scam in 2008, and had to live with relatives kind enough to take us in. I could live in a camping one bed room cabin, a motor home, or a travel trailer - if I didn't feel so strongly about providing a home for my kids until they're ready to fly on their own, and to take care of my mother now that she can't really support herself. That said, I could do okay in much worse homes than where I am, but I'm so thankful that it has some space, it's on a quiet street, the neighbors are generally good people from what I can tell, and it's in good shape.
5. My health - I could stand to lose a lot of weight (not that I haven't been aggressively trying for the past 2 years), I could do extreme things to my diet and exercise routine but...I'm thankful for what I have. I'm not struggling with any life threatening diseases that I'm aware of. I have full use of my limbs. I'm not in pain 24/7 like others I know...I'm thankful for where it's at right now.
6. I'm thankful for my marriage. Like any other couple, that wasn't always the case every single day of the last 25 years, and understandably my husband would say the same, but now...we've got it figured out. I'm thankful for who he is, not who I want him to become. I'm thankful for his work ethic to take care of his family, and how he takes care of me. It makes me want to take better care of him too.
7. I'm thankful for who I am. I could've been born in a poverty-stricken, third world country. I could've been born with severe disabilities or a major disease. I am grateful for what I didn't end up with in my life.
8. I'm thankful for my country. I could've been born into some war torn, violent, fighting zone where decades if not centuries of battles have been fought in the streets and homes of everyday citizens. I was born into a country with more freedom than anywhere else. For that, I'm thankful.
9. I'm grateful for what I've learned over the years. I've learned skills like parenting, being married, financial responsibility, how to work hard, how to work smart, how to learn and teach myself new things, logic and reasoning skills, how to cook like a pro, people skills, business principles, the history of my faith, minimalism, even down to how to read, write, and do math. I'm thankful for the opportunity to learn all of it. Where would I be without it.
10. Nature - I'm so thankful for this beautiful world we live in: electric blue Caribbean waters, purple and orange sunsets, pink and yellow sunrises, deep green grassy fields, hundreds upon hundreds of different trees and flowers, so many different kinds of fruits and vegetables, mountains, deserts, ice storms, newly fallen snow, it's all so beautiful, and we have all of it right here in our own country, often all in one state! I'm thankful for a pretty sunset, a beautiful storm making it's way across a cloudless sky, the feel of sand under my feet, a cool breeze on a hot day, the stillness of water in a lake, the sound of the ocean waves hitting the shore - how can people take all that for granted?
Please share a short list of 5-10 things you're grateful for, even if it's just one or two word answers without explanation. I'd love to hear from you.
Being thankful and grateful are a HUGE part of my life. Maybe it's like the old saying that those who have had very little, or been through a lot, have the most to be grateful for in good times? That's certainly the case for me. I grew up poor, in the center of a lot of disfunction, being told things that no little kid should be told. I've been through a lot of bad things as a teenager, and had to deal with and work though the most difficult things in my adult life. But still, I'm fully aware that so many other people have it worse than I ever did. For that, I have every reason to be thankful. As my beautiful friend born in Tanzania says, "At least you have a roof." How's that for perspective?! She said it once when we first went for coffee together, and after sharing we both had been through more than anyone would imagine - even though our stories are VERY different - we are both grateful for the very little things in life.
There is a book, which also was made into a movie, both with a "part 2" book/movie called The Ultimate Gift/The Ultimate Life. It's excellent and worth watching the movie with everyone you know. In it, the main character has lessons to learn (the hard way) to inherit millions of dollars. One of the things he's told to do is to make a list every day of 10 things to be thankful/grateful for. What would YOUR list look like?
I'll show you what a day might look like on my list:
1. My faith - without it, I have no hope, life is meaningless, what's the point, why am I here?
2. My family - some days it's my household, husband & adult kids, others it's my siblings and Mom,
other days it's my extended family that makes me smile by just remembering good times we've
had together.
3. My friends - I have lots of acquaintances, quite a few friends, but I also am blessed with a smaller
circle of dear, close friends who know the real me. They understand my motives, my good intentions when I mess up, and that I never mean to say or do something hurtful to them. They get me.
4. My home - I'm so thankful for my home. I've lived in much smaller places, a trailer, a farmhouse, a condo, an apartment, a small house 50 years old, large multifamily homes over 100 years old, I've even lost my house during the whole Bank of America scam in 2008, and had to live with relatives kind enough to take us in. I could live in a camping one bed room cabin, a motor home, or a travel trailer - if I didn't feel so strongly about providing a home for my kids until they're ready to fly on their own, and to take care of my mother now that she can't really support herself. That said, I could do okay in much worse homes than where I am, but I'm so thankful that it has some space, it's on a quiet street, the neighbors are generally good people from what I can tell, and it's in good shape.
5. My health - I could stand to lose a lot of weight (not that I haven't been aggressively trying for the past 2 years), I could do extreme things to my diet and exercise routine but...I'm thankful for what I have. I'm not struggling with any life threatening diseases that I'm aware of. I have full use of my limbs. I'm not in pain 24/7 like others I know...I'm thankful for where it's at right now.
6. I'm thankful for my marriage. Like any other couple, that wasn't always the case every single day of the last 25 years, and understandably my husband would say the same, but now...we've got it figured out. I'm thankful for who he is, not who I want him to become. I'm thankful for his work ethic to take care of his family, and how he takes care of me. It makes me want to take better care of him too.
7. I'm thankful for who I am. I could've been born in a poverty-stricken, third world country. I could've been born with severe disabilities or a major disease. I am grateful for what I didn't end up with in my life.
8. I'm thankful for my country. I could've been born into some war torn, violent, fighting zone where decades if not centuries of battles have been fought in the streets and homes of everyday citizens. I was born into a country with more freedom than anywhere else. For that, I'm thankful.
9. I'm grateful for what I've learned over the years. I've learned skills like parenting, being married, financial responsibility, how to work hard, how to work smart, how to learn and teach myself new things, logic and reasoning skills, how to cook like a pro, people skills, business principles, the history of my faith, minimalism, even down to how to read, write, and do math. I'm thankful for the opportunity to learn all of it. Where would I be without it.
10. Nature - I'm so thankful for this beautiful world we live in: electric blue Caribbean waters, purple and orange sunsets, pink and yellow sunrises, deep green grassy fields, hundreds upon hundreds of different trees and flowers, so many different kinds of fruits and vegetables, mountains, deserts, ice storms, newly fallen snow, it's all so beautiful, and we have all of it right here in our own country, often all in one state! I'm thankful for a pretty sunset, a beautiful storm making it's way across a cloudless sky, the feel of sand under my feet, a cool breeze on a hot day, the stillness of water in a lake, the sound of the ocean waves hitting the shore - how can people take all that for granted?
Please share a short list of 5-10 things you're grateful for, even if it's just one or two word answers without explanation. I'd love to hear from you.
Day 22: Create a Relaxing Bedtime Routine
Relaxing bedtime routine...I may be the wrong person to ask. I've had insomnia for as long as I can remember - and it got MUCH worse once I had kids. I have no trouble falling asleep. I just have trouble staying asleep. I may wake up as much as 7 times, falling back to sleep quickly each time, but not getting more than 45 min. at a time. I may be up once, but it's for 3 hours. It's different almost every night, but VERY rarely do I sleep for more than 6 hours in a row. It's not sleep apnea, I'm breathing just fine. It's not like I wake up with an overactive mind all stressed out. I just...wake up. I tried all the typical bedtime routines, herbal supplements, over the counter things that make me feel like crap the next day. It's quite possibly genetic. Both my mother and my daughter don't sleep through the night either. We never really have. I have it far better than either of them, so I don't complain about it. Anyway, back to the challenge.
As I said, I don't have trouble GETTING to sleep. Maybe my typical routine is what's right for me? Who knows? Maybe it would be way worse without my routine. Here's what I do:
1. I go to my room well before I plan on sleeping. It may be an hour or so early. I close the door,
and mentally close the door on the day. No more planning. No stressing over what I did/didn't do
that day.
2. I take the time to feel good. I wash my face. I brush my teeth. I get comfortable. My clothes are in
the hamper, no towels on the floor, no mess surrounding me. It's like minimalism - have less
cluttering your relaxing space.
3. I generally don't get on social media before bed. I don't get on Facebook - news stories would
stress me out. I avoid Twitter where I have almost all baseball stuff - I'd be up for hours reading
articles and watching videos of my favorite players. I avoid Instagram, no reason except that it
would get me on my phone and on FB/twitter/checking emails.
4. I have a sip of water. I'm technically on a very low dose one pill at night medication for high blood
pressure, but it's been normal for weeks at a time without it, so I generally skip it unless it's been a
particularly stressful day.
5. I get comfortable in my bed and go through a short mental exercise. I first eliminate any and
everything in my head that's not just truth. I shed the day's stresses, fears, things that got me
frustrated, conversations I did or should've had, everything but the truth. For me, that truth is
simple: I am getting better every day, I have a God that made me and loves me. I have more than
many others so I'm thankful. I even sometimes come up with a quick list of ten things I'm thankful
for, and it's almost never got anything materialistic on it: my health, my family, a roof over my
head, my kids have grown up and are good people, my friends, my faith that keeps me strong and
gives me hope, etc.
6. I then mentally "declutter" my head. I drop anything left that isn't thankfulness and peaceful. I
happen to be a Christian, so my one sentence I repeat once or twice is this, "Be still, and know
that I am God." That reminds me I don't have to run the world. Someone else is in charge, not me,
so let go. I don't need to be full of mindless busyness. Live simply, find joy, and be at peace. If
you aren't a person of faith, find some other sentence that reminds you to let go, have hope, trust,
and be at peace. Whatever works for you. It could be a positive saying you've picked up from
somewhere, a line from a book that changed your life, or just say to yourself, "Live simply."
With those 6 things, it should make falling asleep easier, more relaxing. Other things I've done in the past are spending a few minutes listening to instrumental positive yoga music while just being still, and doing a short 20 minute workout an hour before bed, taking a quick shower to rinse off, and then going into the steps above. Everyone's life and responsibilities look different. Find what works for you, but a routine is far better than just falling asleep in front of the TV, or having your mind working 100 miles and hour then dropping into bed expecting to sleep easily.
Take the time to shut down, close your mind to the day that's now behind you, and fall asleep ready to look ahead to a brighter future.
As I said, I don't have trouble GETTING to sleep. Maybe my typical routine is what's right for me? Who knows? Maybe it would be way worse without my routine. Here's what I do:
1. I go to my room well before I plan on sleeping. It may be an hour or so early. I close the door,
and mentally close the door on the day. No more planning. No stressing over what I did/didn't do
that day.
2. I take the time to feel good. I wash my face. I brush my teeth. I get comfortable. My clothes are in
the hamper, no towels on the floor, no mess surrounding me. It's like minimalism - have less
cluttering your relaxing space.
3. I generally don't get on social media before bed. I don't get on Facebook - news stories would
stress me out. I avoid Twitter where I have almost all baseball stuff - I'd be up for hours reading
articles and watching videos of my favorite players. I avoid Instagram, no reason except that it
would get me on my phone and on FB/twitter/checking emails.
4. I have a sip of water. I'm technically on a very low dose one pill at night medication for high blood
pressure, but it's been normal for weeks at a time without it, so I generally skip it unless it's been a
particularly stressful day.
5. I get comfortable in my bed and go through a short mental exercise. I first eliminate any and
everything in my head that's not just truth. I shed the day's stresses, fears, things that got me
frustrated, conversations I did or should've had, everything but the truth. For me, that truth is
simple: I am getting better every day, I have a God that made me and loves me. I have more than
many others so I'm thankful. I even sometimes come up with a quick list of ten things I'm thankful
for, and it's almost never got anything materialistic on it: my health, my family, a roof over my
head, my kids have grown up and are good people, my friends, my faith that keeps me strong and
gives me hope, etc.
6. I then mentally "declutter" my head. I drop anything left that isn't thankfulness and peaceful. I
happen to be a Christian, so my one sentence I repeat once or twice is this, "Be still, and know
that I am God." That reminds me I don't have to run the world. Someone else is in charge, not me,
so let go. I don't need to be full of mindless busyness. Live simply, find joy, and be at peace. If
you aren't a person of faith, find some other sentence that reminds you to let go, have hope, trust,
and be at peace. Whatever works for you. It could be a positive saying you've picked up from
somewhere, a line from a book that changed your life, or just say to yourself, "Live simply."
With those 6 things, it should make falling asleep easier, more relaxing. Other things I've done in the past are spending a few minutes listening to instrumental positive yoga music while just being still, and doing a short 20 minute workout an hour before bed, taking a quick shower to rinse off, and then going into the steps above. Everyone's life and responsibilities look different. Find what works for you, but a routine is far better than just falling asleep in front of the TV, or having your mind working 100 miles and hour then dropping into bed expecting to sleep easily.
Take the time to shut down, close your mind to the day that's now behind you, and fall asleep ready to look ahead to a brighter future.
Friday, July 21, 2017
Day 21: Journal for 20 minutes
Journaling is something I've done for as long as I remember, although this past year or two I don't do it as often as I used to. Maybe that's because I now blog more regularly, and get my thoughts out as I go through a book called 642 Things to Write About by The San Francisco Writers' Grotto. I ordered it a while back when I decided to go back to college. I needed to practice writing, to better get my thoughts and emotions onto the page.
What kind of journals have I kept? Day to day ones, pregnancy diaries, notes I feel like remembering when reading my bible, sermon notes from church, notes for a fiction book someday (maybe), ideas for blogging, scrapbook journaling, and many others.
Where does my 20 min. of journaling lead me today? I'm thinking over something I wrote in my writing session. It asked me to write about someone who had to make the hardest decision of anyone I know. I had many people to pick from, but what kept coming to mind was my mother. I won't expose any of her private life here or anywhere else public, but I can tell you why I chose her.
My mother was given difficult circumstances. She had no mentor or coach growing up. She had to learn everything she did through trial and error, accepting all the natural consequences when she chose the wrong thing or way, and never giving herself enough credit when she made a good choice. She just chalked it up to coincidence or a one time fluke.
This made me think about my daughter, who's actually quite a bit like my mother. She's more afraid of herself than anyone around her. She doesn't sleep, has health issues that keep her from being her best (although my daughter can be stubborn about doing things to improve it, like seeing a doctor, or having a fear of needles that keeps her from getting blood/allergy tests). Both are smart. Both do make great choices sometimes. Both have trouble accepting what makes them beautiful, wonderful people...they want to help others, just in their own timing and way. They both are smart but have trouble acknowledging it. Both have come a long way from where they started but still expect they won't get through the next challenge in front of them. They both expect the worst so they aren't disappointed, instead of expecting the best and finding out "it" wasn't as bad as they thought it would be. They settle for that momentary happiness that "it didn't suck" instead of seeking true joy and contentment.
Then my journaling led me to think - What can I do to help them both? How can I add value to their lives? Isn't that why I was put here? To encourage others? (I realize that's not everyone's gifting or strength or talent, but I know for a fact that was what I was designed to do here on earth.) Maybe I can take some action steps to help them. Here's what I came up with:
1. I can purposely, intently look for every little thing they do right and encourage them. I can remind them that they did "it" and did it well, without being condescending or sound like I'm patronizing or babying them.
2. I can stand beside them as they go through challenges. Obviously I can't be there for every little thing, and my goal is for my daughter to leave the nest and be able to fly successfully on her own in the world. With that said, I can still be there to offer support, help, wisdom from experience, and advice as they maneuver new, difficult things in their lives. No one wants to face hard stuff scared and alone.
3. I can be the buffer for a few things. When something is going to be hard, I can be the in-between person to smooth some things, or help them organize what steps to take in which order, to make the process go easier. I can't do it for all things, but it can be as easy as going over a checklist of items she needs to bring to some department or company so they aren't turned away and have to waste time on a second trip because they didn't come prepared. I could put in a good word somewhere before she gets somewhere so the person they'll be meeting with has a good first impression.
4. I can be their companion to help them get healthier. I can either cook for them or teach them how to cook in new ways or using new foods to help them repair some damaged area of their health. I can share what I know about supplements, vitamins and herbs. I can be the "walking buddy" or workout partner so they can be more motivated to improve their help, one baby step at a time.
5. I can be their cheerleader. Everyone needs someone to encourage them, tell them how valuable they are, remind them why they're special to you, and maybe just give them a hug when they need one.
Journaling can be a great way to let out frustrations, document progress with goals, remind yourself what life is like during a particular season, but mostly I like journaling because it eventually brings me around to thinking about others, instead of myself, and how I can add value to their lives.
What will you journal about? Where will you start? When will you start? Leave a legacy. Have a great weekend.
What kind of journals have I kept? Day to day ones, pregnancy diaries, notes I feel like remembering when reading my bible, sermon notes from church, notes for a fiction book someday (maybe), ideas for blogging, scrapbook journaling, and many others.
Where does my 20 min. of journaling lead me today? I'm thinking over something I wrote in my writing session. It asked me to write about someone who had to make the hardest decision of anyone I know. I had many people to pick from, but what kept coming to mind was my mother. I won't expose any of her private life here or anywhere else public, but I can tell you why I chose her.
My mother was given difficult circumstances. She had no mentor or coach growing up. She had to learn everything she did through trial and error, accepting all the natural consequences when she chose the wrong thing or way, and never giving herself enough credit when she made a good choice. She just chalked it up to coincidence or a one time fluke.
This made me think about my daughter, who's actually quite a bit like my mother. She's more afraid of herself than anyone around her. She doesn't sleep, has health issues that keep her from being her best (although my daughter can be stubborn about doing things to improve it, like seeing a doctor, or having a fear of needles that keeps her from getting blood/allergy tests). Both are smart. Both do make great choices sometimes. Both have trouble accepting what makes them beautiful, wonderful people...they want to help others, just in their own timing and way. They both are smart but have trouble acknowledging it. Both have come a long way from where they started but still expect they won't get through the next challenge in front of them. They both expect the worst so they aren't disappointed, instead of expecting the best and finding out "it" wasn't as bad as they thought it would be. They settle for that momentary happiness that "it didn't suck" instead of seeking true joy and contentment.
Then my journaling led me to think - What can I do to help them both? How can I add value to their lives? Isn't that why I was put here? To encourage others? (I realize that's not everyone's gifting or strength or talent, but I know for a fact that was what I was designed to do here on earth.) Maybe I can take some action steps to help them. Here's what I came up with:
1. I can purposely, intently look for every little thing they do right and encourage them. I can remind them that they did "it" and did it well, without being condescending or sound like I'm patronizing or babying them.
2. I can stand beside them as they go through challenges. Obviously I can't be there for every little thing, and my goal is for my daughter to leave the nest and be able to fly successfully on her own in the world. With that said, I can still be there to offer support, help, wisdom from experience, and advice as they maneuver new, difficult things in their lives. No one wants to face hard stuff scared and alone.
3. I can be the buffer for a few things. When something is going to be hard, I can be the in-between person to smooth some things, or help them organize what steps to take in which order, to make the process go easier. I can't do it for all things, but it can be as easy as going over a checklist of items she needs to bring to some department or company so they aren't turned away and have to waste time on a second trip because they didn't come prepared. I could put in a good word somewhere before she gets somewhere so the person they'll be meeting with has a good first impression.
4. I can be their companion to help them get healthier. I can either cook for them or teach them how to cook in new ways or using new foods to help them repair some damaged area of their health. I can share what I know about supplements, vitamins and herbs. I can be the "walking buddy" or workout partner so they can be more motivated to improve their help, one baby step at a time.
5. I can be their cheerleader. Everyone needs someone to encourage them, tell them how valuable they are, remind them why they're special to you, and maybe just give them a hug when they need one.
Journaling can be a great way to let out frustrations, document progress with goals, remind yourself what life is like during a particular season, but mostly I like journaling because it eventually brings me around to thinking about others, instead of myself, and how I can add value to their lives.
What will you journal about? Where will you start? When will you start? Leave a legacy. Have a great weekend.
Thursday, July 20, 2017
Day 20: No TV today
I'm not generally a TV person. I record a few things and watch them when I choose. Here's about all I watch:
1. Baseball - Dbacks, Red Sox, Cubs
2. Baseball related - Dbacks "The 10th Inning" show, interviews players, also documentaries on the
Red Sox, like the one MLB had last week about the 1967 team that turned everything around and
Red Sox Nation was "born", lots of input by Yaz.
3. Dr. Who - new episodes, because I've seen the rest, but it's done until the Christmas special
4. Superstore - in between seasons right now but one of the funniest shows I've found in a long time,
it takes a lot to get me to laugh out loud but I do at least once during every episode.
5. Movies to watch later, like Night at the Museum, Bolt, etc. Rarely do I record movies.
That's about it. I will watch the Cardinals & Patriots when football season starts, but that's only once a week, not almost every day like baseball.
Yesterday I didn't watch TV at all. By the time baseball was on, I was out of the house for the night - watching the Cubs new prospects/rookies play in the Arizona Rookie League at the Cubs park here in AZ. They played the prospects/rookies from the Kansas City Royals.
Yesterday was just one of many days I went without TV. I don't have a TV in multiple rooms like most people. I refuse to have one in the bedroom. We have our one living room TV, and the kids all have one of their own that they bought themselves in their rooms. They don't even watch TV with them, they use them for playing video games occasionally, and once in a great while, Netflix or my son will watch a movie through his Xbox. The only one in our family that watches a lot of TV is my husband, but he's only home about 4 or 5 days a month, and he watches superhero related shows he's missed while on the road for three weeks at a time - very understandable.
So today I will probably keep the TV off, as usual, recording today's morning baseball game to watch later before bed. I don't feel bad watching TV today since it'll be over a day and a half since turning it on, then it'll be off again for another 24 hours or more after the game.
I don't understand the draw to sitting in front of the TV from say 6 o'clock when people get home from work, until 11 or so when they go to bed. I'm not judging those that do, they have their reasons, I'm just saying that I don't understand the appeal. That's 25 hours in 5 days, and when they have that habit, their day(s) off look pretty much like couch surfing too. What could people do with an extra 30 - 40 a week? Maybe do something to improve their health like going for walks? Maybe create better relationships with their family through dinner around a table together and conversations? Maybe make an actual phone call to a loved one far away? or to an aging parent/grandparent who's probably very lonely? There's such better things to do with time - the most precious gift we have - and one that could be taken away at any moment without warning.
What will you do with your time this next week?
1. Baseball - Dbacks, Red Sox, Cubs
2. Baseball related - Dbacks "The 10th Inning" show, interviews players, also documentaries on the
Red Sox, like the one MLB had last week about the 1967 team that turned everything around and
Red Sox Nation was "born", lots of input by Yaz.
3. Dr. Who - new episodes, because I've seen the rest, but it's done until the Christmas special
4. Superstore - in between seasons right now but one of the funniest shows I've found in a long time,
it takes a lot to get me to laugh out loud but I do at least once during every episode.
5. Movies to watch later, like Night at the Museum, Bolt, etc. Rarely do I record movies.
That's about it. I will watch the Cardinals & Patriots when football season starts, but that's only once a week, not almost every day like baseball.
Yesterday I didn't watch TV at all. By the time baseball was on, I was out of the house for the night - watching the Cubs new prospects/rookies play in the Arizona Rookie League at the Cubs park here in AZ. They played the prospects/rookies from the Kansas City Royals.
Yesterday was just one of many days I went without TV. I don't have a TV in multiple rooms like most people. I refuse to have one in the bedroom. We have our one living room TV, and the kids all have one of their own that they bought themselves in their rooms. They don't even watch TV with them, they use them for playing video games occasionally, and once in a great while, Netflix or my son will watch a movie through his Xbox. The only one in our family that watches a lot of TV is my husband, but he's only home about 4 or 5 days a month, and he watches superhero related shows he's missed while on the road for three weeks at a time - very understandable.
So today I will probably keep the TV off, as usual, recording today's morning baseball game to watch later before bed. I don't feel bad watching TV today since it'll be over a day and a half since turning it on, then it'll be off again for another 24 hours or more after the game.
I don't understand the draw to sitting in front of the TV from say 6 o'clock when people get home from work, until 11 or so when they go to bed. I'm not judging those that do, they have their reasons, I'm just saying that I don't understand the appeal. That's 25 hours in 5 days, and when they have that habit, their day(s) off look pretty much like couch surfing too. What could people do with an extra 30 - 40 a week? Maybe do something to improve their health like going for walks? Maybe create better relationships with their family through dinner around a table together and conversations? Maybe make an actual phone call to a loved one far away? or to an aging parent/grandparent who's probably very lonely? There's such better things to do with time - the most precious gift we have - and one that could be taken away at any moment without warning.
What will you do with your time this next week?
Wednesday, July 19, 2017
Day 19: Go for a walk and practice mindfulness
Today is not an ideal day for a walk. It's summer in the Phoenix area. 100 degrees or more with monsoon season humidity levels do not make for ideal walking weather. It is a quiet day for me this afternoon to get alone and practice mindfulness.
So what am I thinking during this time of "mindfulness"? I'm thinking about where I'm at. I'm continuing to lose a little weight this week. The finances are in order. I just had both my husband and middle "child"/son home this past weekend. My daughter is enjoying her friends this week and her birthday is tomorrow. My oldest is home today so we had a chance to chat a bit at lunch. I love living in Arizona. I'm thrilled with my new church. I have great friends I see every week. I'm excited about starting college in a few weeks. I have a ten day vacation to the southern Caribbean in less than 2 months. My middle kid is also getting married in just over 2 months. My mother and brother will be moving here from FL in about 8 weeks. Life is pretty good. That's what I'm thinking. I'm taking time to see the good. To be appreciative. To be thankful.
What else am I thinking? I'm thinking it's too early for as much traffic as I hear on the main road. I'm thinking the cicadas in the trees have been at it all day being noisy all week. I'm thinking about what I want to wear to watch the Cubs prospects play Rookie Ball tonight - I want to be comfortable in the heat, but not look like I'm there to pick up a 19 year old, LOL. Yes, my mind wanders just like everyone else...
Back to mindfulness. It's the second half of 2017 already and July is flying by. What do I want accomplished by the end of the year besides the above stuff going on? I want to be a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, and women's leader/facilitator. I want to continue to lose weight and be healthier. I want to find something physically active I can do on weekends when it gets cooler. I want to finish about half a dozen books by then.
What are YOU thankful for in your life today? What things could've gone horribly wrong but someone was looking out for you and it's turning out better than you expected? What do you need to work on in the next six months? What kind of person do you want to be? I'd love to hear YOUR responses.
So what am I thinking during this time of "mindfulness"? I'm thinking about where I'm at. I'm continuing to lose a little weight this week. The finances are in order. I just had both my husband and middle "child"/son home this past weekend. My daughter is enjoying her friends this week and her birthday is tomorrow. My oldest is home today so we had a chance to chat a bit at lunch. I love living in Arizona. I'm thrilled with my new church. I have great friends I see every week. I'm excited about starting college in a few weeks. I have a ten day vacation to the southern Caribbean in less than 2 months. My middle kid is also getting married in just over 2 months. My mother and brother will be moving here from FL in about 8 weeks. Life is pretty good. That's what I'm thinking. I'm taking time to see the good. To be appreciative. To be thankful.
What else am I thinking? I'm thinking it's too early for as much traffic as I hear on the main road. I'm thinking the cicadas in the trees have been at it all day being noisy all week. I'm thinking about what I want to wear to watch the Cubs prospects play Rookie Ball tonight - I want to be comfortable in the heat, but not look like I'm there to pick up a 19 year old, LOL. Yes, my mind wanders just like everyone else...
Back to mindfulness. It's the second half of 2017 already and July is flying by. What do I want accomplished by the end of the year besides the above stuff going on? I want to be a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, and women's leader/facilitator. I want to continue to lose weight and be healthier. I want to find something physically active I can do on weekends when it gets cooler. I want to finish about half a dozen books by then.
What are YOU thankful for in your life today? What things could've gone horribly wrong but someone was looking out for you and it's turning out better than you expected? What do you need to work on in the next six months? What kind of person do you want to be? I'd love to hear YOUR responses.
Tuesday, July 18, 2017
Minimalist Challenge Day 18: Unfollow & Unfriend
Obviously today's challenge has to do with social media. Many of us end up with people on our friends/following lists that we aren't really friends with, we don't really have lots in common, we've never actually met- nor will ever meet, or they've just collected as we were in a particular season of our life.
This challenge will be extremely personal for each of you. Everyone has their own reasons to follow/unfollow people. I chose to start with Twitter & Instagram. I got rid of people/pages/fan pages/advertising corporate pages (that you sometimes have to like or follow for a discount or coupon code). This was easy. I only need to keep about half what I have, so with a little time and some clicks, my newsfeed will be only what's most important to me, saving lots of time.
Facebook is a bit trickier. There's no real set categories of people I kept as friends but unfollowed. I kept my family and most of Tim's. I unfollow those who I have no contact with anyway, we never like each other's stuff, nor do they post on any kind of a regular basis that I've seen.
Next I went through my real friends I see face to face. I kept almost all of those. The only ones I didn't were ones that even face to face we've never said more than hello, or talked about the weather, but they sent me a request and I accepted in case we needed to communicate or message at some point.
I then went through people I only know on facebook. I unfollowed but kept only those who interact with me on a fairly regular basis. For example, there's one "friend" on FB that never comments or likes on my stuff, never posts on their own, yet once every two or three years they'll comment on something I posted to be argumentative and very negative. Why would I need them in my daily feed? I often post to add value, or thinking questions, or encouragement to others, so I didn't unfriend them - I just unfollowed them.
I also unsubscribed to many businesses and pages I only liked when someone asked me to (but it's of no interest to me) or because I wanted their coupon/discount offer.
I have one last category that I unfollowed: the political argumentative people who do nothing but rant. Nothing of value, nothing encouraging, nothing personal, nothing worth sharing - just political stuff 24/7. The world is negative enough. I don't need it in my feed every day...so they're unfollowed.
What value do you get from and give back to your friends & follows?
This challenge will be extremely personal for each of you. Everyone has their own reasons to follow/unfollow people. I chose to start with Twitter & Instagram. I got rid of people/pages/fan pages/advertising corporate pages (that you sometimes have to like or follow for a discount or coupon code). This was easy. I only need to keep about half what I have, so with a little time and some clicks, my newsfeed will be only what's most important to me, saving lots of time.
Facebook is a bit trickier. There's no real set categories of people I kept as friends but unfollowed. I kept my family and most of Tim's. I unfollow those who I have no contact with anyway, we never like each other's stuff, nor do they post on any kind of a regular basis that I've seen.
Next I went through my real friends I see face to face. I kept almost all of those. The only ones I didn't were ones that even face to face we've never said more than hello, or talked about the weather, but they sent me a request and I accepted in case we needed to communicate or message at some point.
I then went through people I only know on facebook. I unfollowed but kept only those who interact with me on a fairly regular basis. For example, there's one "friend" on FB that never comments or likes on my stuff, never posts on their own, yet once every two or three years they'll comment on something I posted to be argumentative and very negative. Why would I need them in my daily feed? I often post to add value, or thinking questions, or encouragement to others, so I didn't unfriend them - I just unfollowed them.
I also unsubscribed to many businesses and pages I only liked when someone asked me to (but it's of no interest to me) or because I wanted their coupon/discount offer.
I have one last category that I unfollowed: the political argumentative people who do nothing but rant. Nothing of value, nothing encouraging, nothing personal, nothing worth sharing - just political stuff 24/7. The world is negative enough. I don't need it in my feed every day...so they're unfollowed.
What value do you get from and give back to your friends & follows?
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